Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!
I hope the Nets won’t mind that Jason Kidd has to take a leave of absence from coaching to serve jail time for his pending DWI case.
Just because Tim Tebow plays for the New England Patriots doesn’t mean he’s all of a sudden going to be good at football.
Tom Brady doesn’t have any magic dust to sprinkle on Tebow’s arm that’s going to make him accurate.
What I’m trying to say is my mother throws a football better than Tim Tebow.
You might be laughing but that’s no joke; mom dukes has a cannon.
So Serena Williams is decent at tennis huh?
Rafael Nadal should only play tournaments on clay, and any other tournament he is asked to play in he should kindly reply, no gracias.
When one of your finals games goes to triple overtime and it’s not even the lead story on ESPN, you know your sports in trouble (sorry hockey).
Hey Roger Goodell you know what you should do, you should make a public statement that offends an entire race of people, yeah yeah do that, that’s smart.
Breaking News: Mark McGwire eats entire Diamondbacks pitching staff in one bite during benches clearing brawl.
So much for players policing themselves huh?
Yes, Jaromir freaking Jagr is still in the NHL, and no he’s not just riding the bench to say he made a comeback, he played 33 minutes Wednesday night.
And yes, Jagr was that player known as that other guy who played on the Penguins with Lemieux back when you were a kid.
Does Thiago Splitter know how tall he is??
In the words of Bill Walton, “Throw it down big man, throw it down!”
Hey Dwyane Wade: are you hurt or are you not hurt, are you finished or are you not finished?
By the way, that kid Sebastian De La Cruz who sings the National Anthem at Spurs games is awesome.
(Read this one in that Spongebob narrator voice) 18 innings later……
The Yankees and Athletics love baseball so much they decided to play 2 games in 1.
Can I get a little golf here?
For those of you who don’t know (and I’m pretty sure that’s most of you), golf’s U.S. Open started on Thursday, sort of.
If it ever stops raining we might get to watch some golf.
I want to take a second to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there.
Sleep in, watch TV on the couch, go play golf, eat and drink whatever you want.
Whatever you do just make sure you enjoy your day.
If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!