One Liner Fridays

tanaka

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the end of the work week (for most of us).  Every Friday, I like to infuse a little humor into everyone’s lives.  Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line, and one line only.  Enjoy!!

 

No no no, it’s okay Lebron take your time, your decision probably doesn’t effect anyone else but yourself…..

 

Do you think that Chandler Parsons wakes up every morning and throws darts at a picture of Lebron James’ face?

 

Side note that is almost related to what we are talking about: Do you think Chris Bosh knows he is the ugliest man in the world??

bosh-face

 

All you could muster up was 41 consecutive scoreless inning pitched, Clayton Kershaw??

 

Man do you suck.

 

I just want to say something, I’m gonna put this out there, if you like it you can keep it and if u don’t just throw it right back, “I am ready to take Masahiro Tanaka’s spot in the Yankees rotation.”

 

Still wondering how someone can win a fight in just 16 seconds???

 

I would explain it to you, but I figured I’d just let Ronda Rousey show you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kp1iYmbWCo

 

Wait, you are going to subject us to more soccer??

 

NO!!!!!!!!

 

Which was worse, watching a 7-1 rout or watching probably the most poorly played World Cup Semifinal match in history resulting in 0 goals in 120 minutes??

 

Surprise Surprise, MLB has changed the format of The Home Run Derby….again.

 

They change The Home Run Derby more times than Richard Pryor changed wives (this guy got married 9 different times)!!!!

 

No story was more entertaining this past week than the fat bastard Yankees fan who is suing the Yankees and ESPN for $10 million because he decided to take a nap at a baseball game.

 

I’d continue to make fun of him, but I think his picture says it all:

fat man

 

Well this has been another edition of One Liner Fridays.  I hope you enjoyed them.  If you have a One Liner of your own you’d like to add, please leave one in the comment section below.  Thanks for reading!!

 

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!     

 

Advertisements

Wednesday’s Quick Hitter

cano
Today I will be giving you my knee-jerk reaction to Robinson Cano’s return to Yankee Stadium. As most of you already know, Yankee fans booed Robinson Cano last night in Yankee Stadium. Here is my straight to the point, quick hitter:

Let me preface this by saying I am and have always been a die-hard Yankees fan my entire life. I root for them day in and day out, so I am definitely a Yankees fan. That intricate, little 3-letter word though is very interesting; fan. There are many different kinds of fans. I am cut from a different cloth from the majority of fans. I am able to remove myself from the ignorance that most fans blind themselves with. Let me start with the facts regarding Robinson Cano and his departure from The New York Yankees. The Yankees were only willing to offer him a 7 year, $175 million contract. Yeah….ONLY $175 million right? I say only because the contract Cano ended up accepting, as most of you already know, was the 10 year, $240 million deal offered to him by The Seattle Mariners. Here is where most fans get confused and make themselves look stupid (very stupid). Sports is Robinson Cano’s profession. Sports is a business to Robinson Cano (and many others around the world). Some athletes care about a combination of winning and money, while others care only about the latter. To that I say, ummmm okay. Robinson Cano along with every other professional athlete in the world has the right to choose the higher contract if they want to, even if it means he is leaving everyone’s precious Yankees. He can go and play wherever he wants for however much he wants and it won’t and shouldn’t effect me in any way shape or form. I understand the attachment that people have with their teams, but everyone needs to get off their high horse and stop acting like they would stay with the Yankees and sacrifice $65 Million!! Robinson Cano’s choice was simple to understand. He cares less about having the chance to win a World Series (or even make the playoffs..sorry Seattle) and obviously cares way more about money. And you know what, that’s okay. Yankee fans should not have booed Robinson Cano. Personally, I find it pretty classless and pathetic. First of all, the ignorant fans who say, “we don’t need him, and we are better off without him” are full of a word I’d rather not use today. Robinson Cano is one of the best 2nd basemen in the Major Leagues on both sides of the ball no matter what you think of his decision to leave the Yankees. Second of all, fans needs to wake up! I said it before and I’ll say it again: Robinson Cano chose the money above all else, and that’s okay! Robinson, if you somehow read this (wishful thinking I know), as a Yankees fan I want to say thank you very much for your tremendous contributions as a New York Yankee, and I wish you the best of luck in Seattle.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Thank you for reading and leave a comment in the section below.

One Liner Friday’s

big mo

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. After a 3 week break, I’m back!! Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in One Line and One Line only. Enjoy!!

All I have to say about the Jacksonville Jaguars idea to give any fans who purchase tickets to their game this weekend 2 free beers is: MMMMMMMMMMM BEER.

And, where can I buy some Jag’s tickets?

I wish everyone would understand that this 10 year/$305 million number Robinson Cano is “asking” for is just a bunch of white smoke.

No one is going to give him more than 7 years/$196 million (which is still absurd but it’s quite a bit less then $305), I mean the guy literally walks to 1st base on groundballs.

Hey Jay-Z, I know you like money because it ain’t a thang but stop trying to steamroll The Yankees and let’s get real.

Speaking of The Yankees, let’s get serious.

Thursday night marked the last time the best closer of all-time, Mariano Rivera, would ever step foot on the mound in Yankees Stadium.

His career is unparalleled and is one of the finest human beings to ever play the game of baseball.

Good luck filling those shoes David Robertson.

Andy Pettite is also hangin ’em up after this season, making his final start this weekend in Houston.

He had a very solid career and will be missed in the Yankees organization as well.

Let me preface the next few statements by saying I Love The New York Jets.

But, they are NOT as good as everyone thinks.

I repeat, they are not very good.

The Defense is very good, but this is still a 6 or 7 win team at best, and for people to think they are going to make the playoffs all of a sudden because they are 2-1 is RIDICULOUS!!

Oh they beat The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and The Buffalo Bills, both at home, yeah you’re right they’re great what was I thinking?!?!

Is it awkward for The Sacramento Kings organization to have Shaquille O’ Neal be part owner now considering he called them The Sacramento Queens back in the day??

I hate Floyd Mayweather Jr. with a passion!!

But, he is the best in the world right now, so you gotta give him credit where it’s due.

Bye Bye Bud Selig, you will not be missed.

I think he wanted to retire before Major League Baseball’s squeaky clean name got tied to Steroids, haha.

RG3 says he doesn’t know how to slide, and to that I say: What are you retarded?

Way to grow some cojones Carlos Gomez!!

I mean Brian McCann would have kicked your ass, but at least you didn’t back down or hide behind an umpire in a scrum like Chris Johnson.

Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant don’t have real beef with each other, rather they are in cahoots in some major marketing scheme….just wait and see.

So The New York Knicks and Brooklyn Nets are going to split the 2015 All-Star Game Festivities right down the middle???

Yeah, nothing says heated rivalry like a little sharing.

Have you ever seen someone take a bigger beating in a victory before in your life?

Don’t know what I’m talking about just see exhibit A: UFC Champion Jon Jones’ face after defeating Alexander Gustafsson.

jon jones

Someone let The New York Football Giants know what time their game is this week because I don’t think they knew last week; that’s why they didn’t show up!

Ouch!

Have you ever watched (or not watched) a more pathetic display of football in your life?

Maybe they’ll put forth a better effort in Kansas City this week….eh probably not.

Yeah, we believe you Colin Kaepernick when you say you don’t care what anybody has to say about you.

So is that why you SAVED AND FAVORTIED all of your hate tweets online last week?

Idiot.

Well, this has been another edition of One Liner Friday’s. I hope you enjoyed them!! If you have your own One Liner’s you want to leave me, please write them in the comment section below. Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

peyton

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Peyton Manning is very very very very very good at football.

Hey Flacco, I hope you had your notepad and pencil out while Mr. Manning was taking you to school (nice contract Ravens).

Seriously though, everyone should stop doubting Manning and his arm strength and his age and should just realize that he is one of the best to ever do it (NO, NOT 6, 7, 7 IS THE NUMBER!).

Something About Mary?

Oh Yankees, every time I think you’re going to return to form and storm your way into the playoffs, you go and do something like that.

In case you missed it, Big Mo blew a save (obviously against the Red Sox) and then who else but Joba the hut would go on to lose the game.

I still think the Yankees land the final Wild Card spot in the playoffs this year, watch.

I’ve said it about 10 times now, and I will say it again, Floyd Mayweather Jr. will be handed his first ever loss by Canelo Alvarez on Saturday September 14th.

I am looking forward to 50 Cent and Justin Bieber performing for Mayweather as he walks to the ring though (how stupid is that).

Nobody thinks that Cary Williams wanted to fight Riley Cooper because he is a blatant racist do they??

Because that would be absurd!

Hey, uh, Geno Smith, we passed on you just like everyone else in the 1st round of the draft, and we are actually going to play Mark ‘the worst quarterback in the history of the world’ Sanchez over you, but now that ummm, oh man this is awkward, now that he happens to be hurt THIS IS YOUR OFFENSE AND IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!

Yeah, I think he believes you and he’s buying the vote of confidence.

And if he’s not I certainly am.

It has been one of the most spectacular and impressive careers in the history of sports, but Roger Federer is officially on the Decline.

2013 became the first year he hasn’t reached a single Grand Slam Final since 2002 (back before he was the R-FED).

His career is not over, and I think he will make a comeback and have a nice showing in 2014 before he rides off into the sunset, but this is the first of many tributes to one of the finest athletes of all time.

Hey, uh, Andy Murray, I know you’re really busy being the ugliest man in the world, but a player of your stature should never lose in straight sets in the quarterfinals.

You know, instead of suspending Ryan Braun for the rest of the season, they should have just suspended him for 4.5 innings.

No?

Oh, that only works for privileged stuck up little children in College Football, my bad.

Who gives out a suspension of half of a game?!?!?

That’s like taking a convicted felon and saying, you know what we’re going to do, forget the whole prison thing, we are just going to give you about 25 minutes in the pink timeout chair in the corner (obviously the timeout chair is pink).

Thanks for reading everyone, and if you have your own one liner’s that you want to post, please feel free to do so in the comment section below. Enjoy your weekend everyone!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

081813_craziness

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Ah yes, I must start with Ryan “Put Him In The Dumpster” Dempster.

I figured it out, The Dumpster thinks he is Batman, and felt taking the law into his own hands was perfectly acceptable (“They’ll have to understand, I’m Batman!”).

You know, it’s a shame Dempster had do this, I actually used to like him thanks to his hysterical Harry Caray impression.

Ryan Braun is O.J. Simpson.

Think about it, if you obviously committed a crime and got away with it, wouldn’t you go hide in a cave somewhere and make sure you never repeated such an egregious error again?

Enough of this Preseason nonsense, let’s bring on the real football already!

Are you ready for some fantasy football??

How bout dem’ Yankees!!

They have now won 5 games in a row, and they’re coming for a playoff spot; watch out everybody.

I know A-Rod has helped the team in their latest surge, but for people not to thank Alfonso Soriano for the teams offensive resurgence is ridiculous.

Tiger keeps playing well before and after Majors, hmmmmmm.

Anybody else tired of hearing about Jhonny Manziel?

Oh okay good, it’s not just me, for a second there I thought everyone was enjoying that drivel.

Roger Federer ranked 7th in the U.S. Open?!?!

It’ll be sad to watch him go, but this is the beginning of the end for the best tennis player in the history of the world.

I bet you didn’t know this, or even know who they are, but the Bryan brothers are the Tiger Woods (if you could clone him) of Men’s Doubles in Tennis.

They are twin brothers, and they currently hold the ‘Tiger Slam’ in tennis and will make it the traditional Grand Slam when they win The U.S. Open and hold all 4 Slam titles in the same calendar year.

By the way Ryan Braun, no one wants your stupid fake apology so just shove it somewhere painful.

Clayton Kershaw is one of the best pitchers baseball has ever seen, his e.r.a. this season is 1.72!

Cliff Paul’s twin brother Chris was named the NBA’s new President of the Player’s Union.

I think it’s a solid move (I mean who wouldn’t want a car insurance agent working for them?).

I know I’m repeating myself with this one, but I want everyone to know who predicted Mayweather’s first loss first.

Canelo Alvarez will take down Floyd Mayweather Jr. on September 14th.

Major League Baseball is getting to the exciting part of the year when the rest of you start watching and football is right around the corner, man this time of the year is great.

Enjoy the rest of your summer everyone!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

A-Rod Drama Continues

mad joe

Alright sports fans, here we go again! It’s Mid-August, and while pennant races are heating up, the only thing on our minds is what will happen on the next episode of A-Rod TV. The stage for this last installment was none other than Fenway Park. It is the perfect place for this unbelievable story to rise to the next level. The Yankees, have been counted out of the playoff race by most, but like him or not Alex Rodriguez has brought the Yankees back to life in more ways than one. He and the Yankees have found their way back onto the front page of the sports section, and despite popular belief they have found themselves sniffing at the backdoor of the playoffs. We will discuss how The Yankees can make the playoffs later on, but for now let’s get back to the more important issues.

Sunday night, The Red Sox and Yankees faced off in a tiebreaker of a 3-game series, but the actual game quickly became an afterthought. Alex Rodriguez stepped up to the plate to lead off the 2nd inning as The Yankees were already in a 2-0 hole. Ryan Dempster, with the first pitch, decided to send a message by airmailing a pitch just behind his knees. A-Rod shuffled forward, said thank you very much, and made his way back to the batter’s box. With no warnings issued the at bat continued on it’s natural progression. Dempster then came inside with another fastball for ball two. Dempster then came inside AGAIN with yet another fastball for ball three. As if all this fun wasn’t enough for one day, with a 3-0 count, Dempster decided to plunk A-Rod right in the back. A-Rod turned and glared at Dempster and along with The Yankee’s trainer, walked down to first base. Now before I continue, I want to point out something the one and only Michael Kaye brought up on his radio show last week. Following the decision by MLB to expand the use of instant replay, Michael Kaye was worried about losing a part of the game that he personally enjoyed; The Manager-Umpire argument. He stated how much he enjoyed the old school manager mentality of getting right up in an umpire’s face and giving them a piece of their mind. He thought with the use of instant replay to remove human error (while Kaye supports replay for the sake of the quality of the game) the game would miss the kicking of dirt by a manager after a blown call. He went on to cite Joe Girardi as an example. He said that he would miss Joe Girardi storming out on to the field with his target locked on to an umpire and his vein pulsating from the side of his head. Well, Michael, last night you got your wish. Immediately following the pitch heard ’round the world, both benches were warned by the home plate umpire, and Girardi immediately stormed out to politely inquire about what was going through Brian O-Nora’s mind. No, seriously, Girardi went ballistic on O’Nora (rightfully so). Girardi, while absolutely right in his argument, was ejected from the game for arguing with the umpire. Both benches and bullpens had briefly cleared, but returned to their respective burrows without an altercation.

Now anyone with two eyes that function properly could see and understand that Ryan Dempster hit Alex Rodriguez on purpose. Dempster absolutely should have been ejected from the game instantaneously. I mean, he did throw at him three times before finally hitting him. I personally find it hilarious, and the moral of the story for me is simply how bad Dempster’s aim is. Maybe that’s why his e.r.a. is almost 5.00 (4.77 if you were wondering). However, following the game, the political responses that make baseball the blatantly obvious façade that it is ensued. Let’s start with Red Sox head coach John Farrell. He was asked in his post-game press conference if Dempster hit A-Rod on purpose. He candidly responded, I don’t know that he hit him in purpose (or something to that affect). Dempster stated that he was just trying to establish his inside fastball. Excuse me while we take a quick intermission, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (that’s me laughing off-air while I accidentally leave my microphone on and the audience get’s to hear my honest opinion). Oh yeah, way to establish your inside fastball behind him and in A-Rod’s ribcage. Listen, I dislike A-Rod the baseball player as much as the next guy, but this is not how you do it on the baseball field. You don’t take it upon yourself to plunk a guy to send a message in the 2nd inning of an important game. If Dempster had been rightfully ejected, the Red Sox bullpen would have been put in a precarious situation. And more importantly, when you miss him with the first pitch, let that be your message and move on with he game. Now, last but not least, let’s get to the ultimate politician, A-Rod. On the field just after the end of the game, Buster Olney caught up with A-Rod for a quick interview. I want to analyze his responses one by one to illustrate just how intelligent this evil genius is. First, Buster asked him how what he thought about winning this big game. A-Rod responded by saying it was huge and that The Red Sox have such a great team over there and they’ve had a great season all year long. Translation: The Red Sox have a good record, but essentially today was the beginning of the end of the 2013 Red Sox. He then proceeded to say that they are gathering their goups and now that they are scoring runs on a regular basis, everyone else should watch out. He was then asked about having a pitch thrown behind him and then being hit by a pitch in the same at bat. To that he slyly replied, well that was a bit odd and that was a weird situation. Next he added that the game has a way of policing itself. Translation: We are going to hit one of their best players on the first try the next time we get a chance. Buster also asked him what he said to Dempster as it appeared that A-Rod mouthed something in his direction following the incident. You know how you know you’re a good liar? When there is proof of something on video tape, and you still stand there and deny it. That’s how you know you’re good. I believe Shaggy said it best, “It wasn’t me.” He then went on to tell the truth for the first and only time in the entire interview. He spoke about the home run and how he got a fastball right down the middle and sent it back to where it came from. He also said that no matter what is going on around him, the main focus is and always has been winning baseball games and getting to the postseason. He also pointed out that he has great teammates and a great manager that have always supported him. Believe it or not, that part is also true. Joe Girardi’s actions and Bret Gardner’s words are proof of that. Gardner said that he doesn’t know how he would feel (about A-Rod, who else?) if he was on another team, but he is on this team and he supports everyone of his teammates to the best of his ability. And here is where A-Rod lost me completely. He said he has faith in God to get him through all the trials and tribulations that surround him everyday. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone has the right to believe in whatever faith, religion, culture, and lifestyle they want, but did A-Rod really need to take it there? He used God as a springboard to say that despite all the boos he has a lot of people in his corner supporting and praying for him throughout this whole situation. Yup, you’re right, you’re the victim. Why didn’t we all realize that a little sooner? What he’s really saying is, I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of me, I’m very rich and I’m happy! Lastly in response to the boos, he basically said I take boos on the road as a compliment. Which brings me to a saying that I believe in, “they don’t boo nobodies.” To summarize this entire interview I will say one thing: if A-Rod ran for Mayor, Governor, or anything in political office I would vote for him.

After all the nonsense in the game quieted down, A-Rod exacted his revenge on the field. As I referenced in the interview, A-Rod took a fastball and crushed it to dead center. If you were watching the game live, you knew that the second he hit the ball and you heard the beautiful crack of the bat; the ball was long gone. He got fired up as he rounded the bases, mouthing some obscenities, and that plus the Girardi ejection seemed to fire up The Yankees squad. They went on to win the game 9-6 and take the 3-game series two games to one. With A-Rods’s solid play of late, Granderson’s return, and Alfonso Soriano’s lights out performance thus far, The Yankees have a realistic shot of sneaking into the final wild card spot in the American League. While they appear that they can win enough games to make the playoffs, they would still need help from the teams currently ahead of them. Let me list these teams, and you tell me if you think they can outplay their American League foes. The Yankees are chasing at the coattails of the Baltimore Orioles, The Cleveland Indians, and The Oakland Athletics. How do you say not worried, not worried, and definitely not worried? All The Yankees need to do is take A-Rod’s advice (hahahaha), and keep their main focus on winning baseball games and making it to the postseason. If The Yankees can and will make the playoffs this season is yet to be seen, but you can be certain that there will be more drama to unfold each day on A-Rod TV. I mean, Brain Cashman, The General Manager of The Yankees, actually said he doesn’t feel comfortable speaking to A-Rod because of lawsuits that could ensue. Now if that isn’t awesome drama I don’t know what is!! Enjoy!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

20130816-053208.jpg

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Fridays. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey Jason Dufner, you just won your 1st Major, The PGA Championship, you can smile now.

Have you ever seen a more emotionless man in the entire world??

Man, the most emotion he showed was in the butt slap he gave his wife right after he won the tournament (awesome).

Sound the alarm, call the National Guard, alert the President, Tom Brady stubbed his toe!!

I’ll have whatever Alfonso Soriano is having.

I still don’t understand why the Jets are being talked about, they are going to be the worst team in the NFL this season.

However, everyone is missing the point (as usual) with Rex Ryan’s “brutal” comment about Geno Smith.

Rex obviously knows he’s on the hot seat (his ass might as well be on fire), and the only way to save his job is to stick with ‘his guy’ in Sanchez and go down with the ship.

It’s partly his pride for sticking with Sanchez, but if Sanchez magically figures it out maybe Rex is employed come next August (he figures there’s no way he can win anything with a rookie).

Hey Tiger, the fairway’s that way
——————->!!

Who’s pumped for football??

Hey RG3, do you mind if we create a controversy between you and your coach out of absolutely nothing?

Heyyyy, Major League Baseball finally threw out their black and white TV, took their corn cob pipe out of their mouths, sold their transistor radio, and has decided to join us in the 21st century.

For those of you who don’t know, MLB will be instituting instant replay in the near future.

The format for manager challenges is not even close to the right way to do this, but it is a step in the right direction.

Are there enough of you out there watching baseball to realize how unbelievable of a season Miguel Cabrera is having?

He won the Triple Crown last year, and he is putting that season to shame (enjoy history).

Clayton Kershaw = Beast!

Greg Jennings needs shut his trap, running his mouth about a former teammate who just happens to be the best quarterback in the league is nota good idea.

Remember when Don Mattingly was almost fired and then the Dodgers went 40-8 over their next 48 games??

Say thank you to Yasiel.

And finally, I know some of you were worried but yes, Johnny Manziel is still an idiot.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

A-Rod Receives Most Arbitrary Suspension Ever

a-rod

 

Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez can be called a lot of things, but dumb is certainly not one of them. He is so smart we might as well appoint A-Rod with a Rhodes Scholarship and let him try his hand at something else. See, the major point that everyone (and I mean everyone) is missing is just how well A-Rod has played and continues to play this whole situation. Most feel that he should be ashamed of himself. Some feel that he should have sat at the podium at his press conference Monday evening and opened up his personal diary. However, ALL, fail to see what’s really going on here. Now, this situation, and the topic of PED’s in baseball is a very complicated story that has more layers than a seven layer cake, but I will do my best to take it one step at a time and translate this soap opera into plain English. Alex Rodriguez has been in the Major Leagues for 19 years now. He debuted in July of 1994 with the Seattle Mariners. After playing in small stints at the Major League level in ’94 and ’95, A-Rod got his first chance to play full-time in 1996 and needless to say he did not disappoint. He put up staggering numbers every season like clockwork right up through the end of the 2010 season. Over the past two seasons we have seen a rapid decline in his production, while at the same time his apparent true calling came to light; Midday TV Soap Opera Star! And you thought he was born to play baseball. For those of you who don’t know the whole story let me quickly fill you in.

Alex Rodriguez last played for The Yankees in the 2012 postseason. He was absolutely useless in every way as The Yankees found themselves watching The World Series from home last year. He went an abysmal 3 for 25 in the postseason and if it weren’t for the struggles of Robinson Cano and the rest of The Yankees lineup he would have been singled out and burned at the stake. Since then, A-Rod has had hip surgery at the ripe old age of 37 (and has since turned 38 over the past couple of weeks), but that is merely a side note to the real story. Back in January of this year, Rodriguez, along with a slew of other MLB players, were named in connection with a Biogenesis clinic in Florida. This clinic was run by a man named Tony Bosch, who has ultimately become the centerpiece of the evidence in this case. Want to know where the drugs came from, just give a drug dealer some money and follow his lead right? This clinic was said to have provided players like Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun, Nelson Cruz and 11 others with PED’s which are banned from the game of baseball. Here is the full list of players suspended by MLB for PED use in connection with Biogenesis:

Alex Rodriguez (Yankees)

Ryan Braun (Brewers)

Nelson Cruz (Rangers)

Jhonny Peralta (Tigers)

Everth Cabrera (Padres

Jordany Valdespin (Mets, Minor Leagues)

Francisco Cervelli (Yankees, On DL)

Antonio Bastardo (Phillies)

Jesus Montero (Mariners, Minor Leagues)

Sergio Escalona (Astros, Minor Leagues)

Fernando Martinez (Yankees, Minor Leagues)

Fauntino De Los Santos (Free Agent)

Jordan Norberto (Free Agent)

Since January, this scandal has raged on and on like a California Wildfire and has turned into the most watched Reality TV show since The Jersey Shore (god, I hate that show). This story began to carry real weight a little over two weeks ago when 2011 MVP Ryan Braun was suspended for the remainder of the season. He took the suspension immediately without putting up a fight, and it seemed only a matter of hours before MLB would come knocking on A-Rod’s door. So we waited, and waited, and then we waited some more. In the era of Facebook, Twitter, and all things instant, the 15 days that we had to wait for A-Rod’s “suspension” to be handed down seemed like an eternity. On Monday, the 5th day of August, in the 2013th year, Alex Rodriguez was handed a 211 game suspension. I’m sorry, did you say 211? As in the most arbitrary number known to mankind? Oh, okay, I was just wondering. Forget the facts, Major League Baseball should lose this case solely based on the number 211. Here’s where it gets tricky, so try to stay with me.

Major League Baseball has an enormous drug problem (so does every other sport in the world, but it doesn’t seem to be an issue anywhere else now does it?). MLB feels that in order to rid its game of PED’s they must make an example of someone. In this case, they have chosen the all mighty Alex Rodriguez. He is not the chosen one, he just happens to be the biggest name they could find right now. Remember, they already tried Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, etc., etc., etc. Failed, failed, and oh that last one is actually currently employed by MLB. Good work guys. Despite MLB’s major blunders in the fight against PED’s, they figured they’d give it another shot. MLB wants Rodriguez out until the end of 2014. The amount of games, as I mentioned earlier, is secondary. What they don’t realize is that that will play against them in this case. According to The Joint Drug Agreement the Player’s Union has with MLB, 1st time offenders are subject to a 50-game suspension. That is what the other players suspended yesterday were given, and that’s what should have been given to A-Rod as well. However, in all of these cases, there is not a single positive test out there. All of these suspensions are predicated on substantial evidence that the players feel they cannot overcome. So, this is where the super intelligence A-Rod possesses comes into play. A-Rod understands all of this, and at the same time knows what will work for him and at the same time will work against MLB. He knows that MLB does NOT want this to drag on and on, because as aforementioned they have failed miserably when faced with a legal battle. He also knows what he has left to fight for and what he ultimately wants. He knows that his name and any chance of a legacy has been completely tarnished. He knows that his name will never be set along side the greats in Cooperstown (at least while he’s alive). He is no spring chicken at 38 years old, and all he has left in baseball terms is his enormously disproportional contract and the amount of time he has left to actually step on to the field. So how does he accomplish both of those things? By appealing said suspension of course. Now, he gets to continue playing while still picking up his paycheck. He also understands that his case will be seen in front of an arbitrator. This process takes a minimum of three to four months. This ultimately means that short of an injury, A-Rod will be donning Yankees pinstripes for the rest of this season. Now, here’s where it gets even trickier, so hold on tight. The general public does not know all of the evidence that MLB holds on Alex Rodriguez. From what we’ve heard they have texts, e-mails, and phone records between he and Tony Bosch, but we don’t know exactly how damaging this evidence could be. I’ve also heard people say, “well he admitted to using in 2003 so why can’t they punish him for that too?”. Ah, again A-Rod, you’re so smart. Can anyone tell me when drug testing began in MLB? Yes, that is correct; 2004. Now, they also want to hang him because he apparently attempted to buy evidence from Bosch and obstruct MLB’s investigation of the entire scandal. Again, I don’t know all the evidence, but to that I say good luck. Rodriguez has seen all of the evidence they have on him, and feels that he knows exactly what their intentions are. At the end of the day, MLB might want to suspend him for life, and would gladly settle for 211 games, but will be lucky if they get him to plea bargain down to 50 games. My personal hunch is that he will walk away from this with a grand total of 0 games suspended. Why? How? How in the world could that be possible?

Well, as I mentioned earlier, MLB has handled this process very poorly. By the way, why don’t they hand down the suspension on the same day that A-Rod returns from his lengthy stint on the Disabled List? Hmmm? I’m not shouting conspiracy from the rooftops, but any news is good news right? Anyway, let me preface this next statement with this: I personally despise Alex Rodriguez. He seems like a smug, arrogant, self-conscience asshole. But, MLB has actually turned this money hungry, self serving, maniacal drug abuser into a sympathetic figure. I’ve actually heard people over the past couple of months say that they feel bad for A-Rod in this situation. WHAT?!?! This man cheated the game. It is plain and simple. I don’t care about all the loopholes that I am discussing in this article and all the crap he and his legal team are going to pull with the arbitrator. I don’t care that there is no positive test out there with Alex Rodriguez’s name on it. HE DID IT!! But, as we all know, most of the other guys out there are doing it too, so I guess that makes it okay. Money can buy your way out of anything, so I guess that makes it okay. Even though this is the most ridiculous spectacle professional sports has seen in the past two decades, it’s brought baseball back to the front pages, so I guess that makes it okay. At the end of the day, it would be nice to start talking about baseball because of the games that are being played on the field. Baseball has become a sideshow where the off field drama is more interesting to viewers than the game itself. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: clean up the game by making the penalties even more harsh and include monetary penalties as well (because what are we really talking about here $$?). Here is Dave’s proposed rules for drug user’s:

Drug Test randomly once a month for the entire year.

1st Offense: Full Season including Postseason Suspension without pay (including half of player’s contract voided)

2nd Offense: Banned for life (entire contract voided and any association with baseball completely severed)

I know I know, The Player’s Union would never allow that, but where are all the clean players that should be standing up for a level playing field? Why aren’t the players who have publicly taken a stance against PED’s made their voices heard? I say hit them where it really hurts (playing time and their wallet), and you will most likely see a change in the league. Don’t get me wrong, players will always look for a competitive advantage and there are plenty of idiots out there that would continue to use even with harsher penalties. However, it would be another step in the right direction. What do you think? How do you think MLB can clean up it’s game? How do you feel about A-Rod’s suspension? Is it fair? Please tell me in the comment section below. Thanks for reading as always.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

20130802-062952.jpg

Hello everybody and welcome back to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

So do you think Sergio Garcia and Riley Cooper are best buds?

I think so, I think they hang out at each other’s house and try to come up with ways to alienate themselves and potentially ruin any success they may have ever created leading up to that very moment.

I am slightly disappointed that Michael Vick is taking this whole forgiveness route, I don’t know about you but I think Cooper deserves the “Old Michael Vick” treatment.

You know what I mean.

Inbee Park!!

Who?

Oh you know just a professional female golfer who’s playing for her 4th consecutive grand slam title.

I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.

Tiger shoots an opening round 66, making every putt under the sun at the Bridgestone Invitational.

This comes just a week after the Open Championship, where he couldn’t putt the ball into a garbage can if it was right in front of him.

SHUT UP BUCK SHOWALTER!!

For those of who didn’t see what he had to say about A-Rod and The Yankees, have no fear:

“If Bud (Selig) lets them get away with that, they’re under the luxury tax,” Showalter told USA Today. “If they can reset, they can spend again and I guarantee you in two years Matt Wieters is in New York. They’re the ones who signed him to that contract.”

Let them get away with that?

I’m sorry, did The Yankees ask A-Rod or anyone else on their team to do steroids?

Are The Yankees, or any team, complicit in the use of steroids?

Is Buck Showalter the biggest crybaby known to man?

It is amazing how big the target on their back is, and how this is only a “story” because it involves The Yankees.

They don’t boo the bad teams.

Alabama is clearly the best college football team in the country, but why does everyone get so riled up over preseason rankings?

Everyone understands that this is not the same roster from last season right?

Just checking.

How about we play the games and see what happens (or let a computer decide everything and not even bother; either way).

I love how everyone is writing Canelo Alvarez off before his fight with Floyd Mayweather, but as I’ve said before and I’ll say it again right now:
Canelo Alvarez will hand Floyd Mayweather his first professional loss of his career.

Isn’t it hysterical that Greg Oden, who was drafted 6 years ago and still hasn’t played even close to a full season in the NBA due to chronic injuries; get’s to choosethe team that will have the ‘privilege’ to pay him millions of dollars.

No, inmate #174954, you will no longer get airtime on my watch; thank you very much!

So, Kansas City Chief’s offensive coordinator is obviously messin’ with the same stuff Derek Rose is if he thinks Alex Smith is the best QB in the NFL.

I get it, he’s trying to build Smith’s confidence after it was trampled last season, but Smith is not even the best team in his division forget the whole league.

Let me end by saying that what Riley Cooper said is horrible.

It is obviously extremely insensitive, and I feel that that word (along with any slur towards anyone) has no place in society.

I’m here to bring levity and comedy (hopefully) to the world of sports, so please don’t take offense to anything I say or any pictures I may post even in regards to a sensitive situation.

Thanks for reading as always, and I hope you all enjoyed this weeks One Liners.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

20130726-065034.jpg

Hello and welcome back to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey what do you know, Bill Belichick does have a heart.

I was actually starting to wonder if he was a robot.

Has anyone seen that picture of Tyson Chandler in a pair of shorts?

Forget one line, I have one word for Tyson Chandler : SQUATS!

I know virtually no one has noticed, but we must be in bizarro world because the U.S. Men’s Soccer team has won 9 games in a row!

Dear Derek Rose, I love the confidence, but you must be high as a kite to say that you are the best player in the NBA.

We all know you didn’t play any games last year, but apparently you didn’t watch any games either.

The Hefty Lefty shot a remarkable final round 66 to win the Open Championship, I’m just glad there were no tents in his way this year.

From now on, I think Tiger Woods should wear Pink on Sundays.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about A-Rod?

Here, I will be taking a stand against the meaningless A-Rod drivel that everyone else is pushing.

I will give you one last line: he cheated and lied, but he’s clearly The Yankees best option at 3rd base so play him until he gets suspended.

Isn’t it sad though that The Yankees are going to rely on Alfonso Soriano to be their savior?

Wait a minute, Alfonso Soriano, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Mariano Rivera, where is Chuck Knoblauch when you need him?

Lebron left his city, now he’s turning his back on his own country, what’s next? (Maybe he’ll move to Canada)

Ryan Braun bet his life and he’s still alive and Aaron Rodgers bet his salary and he’s still living large, let’s bring out the electric chair so we can move on with our day. #welchonabet

Matt Ryan gets paid!!!!!!

Apparently winning 1 career playoff game is the new benchmark for a $100 million dollar contract.

So big hits at the college level are now cause for ejection, I’m glad the NCAA is attempting to completely ruin another aspect of their game, what a shocker.

They might as well put tutu’s on these guys and let them hit each other with pillows.

Football is a violent sport, let’s leave it that way!!

Speaking of football, Jaws must be sharing Derek Rose’s stash if he thinks Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are both better than Drew Brees.

On a serious note: I feel horrible for Tim Hudson, who over the past 15 years has been one of the most solid and consistent pitchers in all of baseball.

I feel really bad that he got injured the way he did, and I hope he is able to return to form and pitch in the Major League’s again.

The Mets are not just ruining their own players careers, but have now figured out how to ruin their opponents careers too.

Jaromir Jagr was born during World War II, and he is still playing in the NHL; amazing.

With the start of training camp it’s time to get excited about football, but I think it’s cute that Jets fans are actually convinced that they can win 9 games this year.

4 spot, if they’re lucky.

Have a nice weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!