One Liner Friday’s

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Hello, and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. This is my 2nd post of the day so make sure you scroll down to read my review of Thursday night’s NBA Draft.

So if the Yankees can score some runs that would be cool.

You know those silly movies like Home Alone where they put down 5 marbles and the bad guys all slip and fall?

Yeah, that’s Wimbledon.

Aaron Hernandez took a lottery ticket and used it as Charmin Ultra Soft.

As I predicted last Friday, Hernandez was charged with murder, and I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison regretting his miserable existence.

In all seriousness though I feel really bad for his baby girl.

Not so seriously though, how can the best basketball player that ever lived be such a bad judge of talent?

Michael Jordan is a worse NBA Executive than he was a baseball player.

Doc Rivers is goin goin back back to Cali.

In other NBA news, the Brooklyn Nets actually believe it is 2005 with the finalization of a trade for Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett.

Most of these guys are way past their prime.

Some of them never had a prime.

This guys dead!

Major League, great movie.

I guess Tim Tebow really is going to be the Patriots tight end.

Doesn’t that make you sick to your stomach?

Hey Yasiel Puig, there’s a wall there someone should, uh move it.

Matt Harvey is really good at baseball.

The Mets should pray that Zach Wheeler is even half as good, maybe then they’ll come close to .500.

Not likely though, I mean they are the Mets.

Brian Cashman dropping F bombs!!

Personally I love it, A-Rod needs to shut his trap.

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I hope the Nets won’t mind that Jason Kidd has to take a leave of absence from coaching to serve jail time for his pending DWI case.

Just because Tim Tebow plays for the New England Patriots doesn’t mean he’s all of a sudden going to be good at football.

Tom Brady doesn’t have any magic dust to sprinkle on Tebow’s arm that’s going to make him accurate.

What I’m trying to say is my mother throws a football better than Tim Tebow.

You might be laughing but that’s no joke; mom dukes has a cannon.

So Serena Williams is decent at tennis huh?

Rafael Nadal should only play tournaments on clay, and any other tournament he is asked to play in he should kindly reply, no gracias.

When one of your finals games goes to triple overtime and it’s not even the lead story on ESPN, you know your sports in trouble (sorry hockey).

Hey Roger Goodell you know what you should do, you should make a public statement that offends an entire race of people, yeah yeah do that, that’s smart.

Breaking News: Mark McGwire eats entire Diamondbacks pitching staff in one bite during benches clearing brawl.

So much for players policing themselves huh?

Yasiel Puig!!

Yes, Jaromir freaking Jagr is still in the NHL, and no he’s not just riding the bench to say he made a comeback, he played 33 minutes Wednesday night.

And yes, Jagr was that player known as that other guy who played on the Penguins with Lemieux back when you were a kid.

Does Thiago Splitter know how tall he is??

In the words of Bill Walton, “Throw it down big man, throw it down!”

Hey Dwyane Wade: are you hurt or are you not hurt, are you finished or are you not finished?

By the way, that kid Sebastian De La Cruz who sings the National Anthem at Spurs games is awesome.

(Read this one in that Spongebob narrator voice) 18 innings later……

The Yankees and Athletics love baseball so much they decided to play 2 games in 1.

Can I get a little golf here?

For those of you who don’t know (and I’m pretty sure that’s most of you), golf’s U.S. Open started on Thursday, sort of.

If it ever stops raining we might get to watch some golf.

I want to take a second to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there.

Sleep in, watch TV on the couch, go play golf, eat and drink whatever you want.

Whatever you do just make sure you enjoy your day.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

This is my 2nd post of the day, so make sure to scroll down to check out my post on the New York Knicks.

Hey Bryce Harper, there’s a wall there, uh somebody should uh move it.

Nick Saban is the devil?

What did somebody hear Saban’s name in a Judas Priest song playing backwards?

Heyyyyyyyy the Knicks won a basketball game.

Gronkowski with a pile driver!

What an idiot!

Don’t be sad Kevin Durant, maybe Lebron James won’t be good next year.

The Yankees are in a familiar place (1st) with unfamiliar faces.

Phil Hughes sucks though.

Joba Chamberlain is lucky that Mariano Rivera is the nicest most classy guy in sports.

If he wasn’t I’m pretty sure Joba would be trying to put his face back together right now.

Tiger Woods never left, he just checked out for a little while, and then he checked in and out and in and out of motels all over the country.

But seriously though, Tiger woods is and always has been the best golfer on the planet.

Nice shot(s) Sergio.

Way to not choke.

Best Free Agent Signing in the NFL in 2013 goes to: Drum Roll Please………….

David Garrard to the New York Jets.

Only the Jets can sign someone and have them retire before they ever play a single snap.

They should resign Tim Tebow to take his roster spot.

Titus Young should write two books.

His first book should be entitled: How to get arrested twice in one day.

Then his follow-up book should be called: Twice wasn’t enough? I can teach you how to get arrested a third time in one week.

Let me be the first to say that if Floyd Mayweather fights Canelo Alvarez, he will suffer his first professional loss.

Hey Beckham, NOBODY CARES!!

I hope you enjoyed this weeks one liners. Let me know what you thought in the comment section below. Thank you for reading.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Every Friday, I will be writing a new installment of One Liner Friday’s. This will wrap up the week in sports in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

Hey Derrick Rose, if Nate Robinson can puke on the bench and then go back in the game I think you can give it a shot (I mean you are 100% healthy, lol).

The New York Knicks are class personified.

Ron Burgundy agrees.

Ah Eureka! I figured it out, Carmelo Anthony must want to be home for Mother’s Day every year and that’s why he can’t move on past the 1st round.

Are we really still in the 1st round?

Has there ever been a slower more un athletic all star than Paul Pierce?

Hey Mark Sanchez, nice headband!

Does Mark Sanchez know he’s not good at football?

Somebody should tell him.

Apparently Robert Guerrero’s father doesn’t like women beaters, who knew?

Why is it that Guerrero’s father was at the podium in the first place?

And did anyone see Oscar DeLa Hoya’s face immediately following Guerrero’s removal from the stage???

He looked like a deer in head lights, hahaha.

People are saying Tim Tebow isn’t good enough to play in the CFL.

You know you’re in trouble when Canada doesn’t even want you.

Stephen Curry is good at basketball.

The Miami Heat have been resting for so long that Shane Battier has actually grown a full on mustache (can I get a little Fu Manchu here?).

Yay, A-Rod has been cleared for baseball activities so now he can go back to not earning his contract.

I’m glad I’m not Mike Greenberg right now.

He just had mud, whipped cream, eggs, bacon, cereal, and syrup dumped on him…..mmmmm fun!

That’s what you get for sucking at picking sports games.

Did I mention that Stephen Curry is good at basketball?

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liners Part II

“So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye”….Bye bye Mr. Tebow, it was absolutely no fun while it lasted (enjoy the Arena League).

I’m glad to see Dwight Howard has made strides toward maturity at the ripe old age of 27.

J.R. Smith should team up with Dwight to teach immature youth groups.

Trivia Question: Which takes longer, the NFL Draft or the first round of the NBA playoffs?

Well, the Milwaukee Bucks are good.

The Miami Heat are so good they are resting players during the playoffs!!

No, hell has not frozen over, the New York Islanders are IN the NHL playoffs.

UFC fans are happier than a kid on Christmas morning that Jon Jones put a whoopin’ on Chael Sonnen.

That last one makes me pretty happy too.

Jones’ new nickname has officially been changed to Jon ‘Broken Bones’ Jones.

Did you see his toe after his fight on Saturday?

That’s what you call a BROKEN toe.

If you haven’t seen it yet, click here and scroll down (WARNING, this picture is graphic and may not be suitable for everyone): http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1621382-ufc-159-results-heres-that-photo-of-jon-jones-broken-toe

How bout dem’ Yankees!

On a serious note: What a special moment it is for football players to be drafted into the NFL.

Especially for D.J. Hayden, with his miraculous recovery from life threatening surgery to NFL player in just 5 short months.

On another serious note: Congratulations to Jason Collins for becoming the first openly gay athlete in professional sports.

It was only a matter of time, and now maybe we’ll see a breakthrough for humanity in sports.

Seriously though, the Jets should start Mark Sanchez this season.

Or they can pickup Tim Tebow in free agency to be their running back (I hear he’s available now).

Apparently David Price is the only person on the planet that didn’t know that baseball umpires have potty mouths.

I’m about as excited for the NHL playoffs as I am for my grandma’s bridge game this Saturday.

I enjoyed Floyd Mayweather much better when he was in the hole.

Some one go tell him he’s not the best boxer ever, he’ll assault you, and then we won’t have to listen to him talk.

The Boston Celtics are old.

You know what would have been funny on draft day is if some one prank called Manti Te’o and told him he got drafted to the Lingerie Football League (I’m pretty sure he would have fallen for it).

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!