It’s OK To Hate The Houston Astros

My brain hurts.

Normally, I’d call that Tuesday, but I’ll blame 2004 for today’s headache. ON THIS DATE, 16 years ago, I was roaming the halls of my dorm at UMass with a broom (I had “borrowed”) from a random janitor’s closet. The New York Yankees held a 3-0 lead over the Boston Red Sox in the ALCS, I was decked out in my A-Rod jersey, and I was constantly 2.5 seconds away from an ass-kicking from any one of the 20,000 Mass-Hole, Red Sox fans that inhabited said University.

Despite the imminent danger I was putting myself in, I was overjoyed that the Yankees would be playing in another World Series.

Being able to rub it in the faces of so many Sawks fans was icing on the cake.

Then, Dave Roberts happened, and David Ortiz happened, and the rest is…you know the saying.

Sooo, Friday night, with a 7-4 victory, the Houston Astros joined the 2004 Boston Red Sox as the only teams in Major League Baseball history to force a game 7 after trailing 0-3 in a postseason series. I’m not going to waste time, or mince my words…

I HATE THE HOUSTON ASTROS!!

And I’m here to tell you it’s okay for you to hate them too. Don’t feel bad. They deserve your vitriol. You can’t just cheat your way to a championship, put on a sad, puppy-dog face, and expect everyone to feel bad for you. Then, when people remind you that you’re an asshole, act like the victim.

And while I’d gladly headbutt Jose Altuve, Alex Bregman, or any other Houston Astros’ player within a head’s length, 99.9% of this diatribe is directed at Carlos Correa.

See, some people are just born with a punchable face. *Yes, 36-year old man, living in his mother’s basement, I’m aware punchable isn’t a word. Now, shut up, and keep reading.* Enter Carlos Correa. As talented as they come, wildly underachieving so far in his six-year career, there’s just something about Correa’s face you want to see in front of a Mike Tyson, in his prime, right-uppercut.

As a Yankees’ fan, it should be sacrilegious to root for the division rival Tampa Bay Rays, but I have been for the better part of a week now. And Saturday night will be no different (there may be some scotch involved this time though).

Do you hate the Houston Astros as much as I do?? Are you even watching the MLB Postseason?? If not, who do you hate?!

Tell me in the comment section below.

“I’m Living A Double Life!!” (DTS Podcast #98)

Madison Bumgarner isn’t who you think he is.

He’s ACTUALLY a rodeo roping CHAMPION!!

And, his name is REALLY Mason Saunders.

This HAS to rank as one of the dumbest things that has ever happened in the history of the world.

I hope the Diamondbacks void his contract before it even starts!!

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“DEREK JETER BABYYYYY!!!!” (DTS Podcast – #84)

Derek Jeter was voted into the MLB Hall of Fame on Tuesday with 99.7% of the vote.

Yes, that means that 1 of the 397 voters DIDN’T vote for Derek Jeter.

And no, we don’t need to know who he/she is.

Exposing them for the fraud that they are gives them exactly what they want….FREE PUBLICITY!!

Don’t out them. Wait 6-8 months. Privately strip them of their vote.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

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“Scott Boras Is Really Rich.” (DTS Podcast – #83)

Gerrit Cole is the missing piece for the next Yankees’ World Series.
Everyone keeps blurting out this phrase….”No one is worth that mu….”
YOU ARE WORTH WHAT SOMEONE IS WILLING TO PAY YOU!!!!
Stephen Strasburg, Anthony Rendon, and Scott Boras are also very, very wealthy.
That is all.

 

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“SHAME On You YANKEES!!!! (DTS Podcast – #69)

You might be giving the Yankees a pass today, but I’m certainly not!!

They should have beaten the Astros in the ALCS.

They should be playing in the World Series.

But, they are not.

Because they played like poop.

Period.

See ya!

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“Injuries, Embarrassing, and Pathetic….That’s Life Right Now!!” (DTS Podcast – #68)

Reigning NFL MVP, Patrick Mahomes, dislocated his kneecap. If you were watching the play, kneecaps aren’t supposed to move like that.

The Yankees suck. They don’t swing the bat. They forgot how to hit. They can’t drive in any runners. And, they forgot HOW TO FIELD A BASEBALL!!

And finally, it’s a shame CC Sabathia’s hall of fame career is going to end that way.

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“Rain Dances Are Real.” (DTS Podcast – #67)

Apparently, when I do rain dances, they work.

Who knew?!?!

Game 4 being postponed benefits the Yankees on many levels. Now, all they need is Gary Sanchez to pull his bat out of his a** and start hitting.

And one last time for good measure….

LeBron James, do us all a favor, and STOP TALKING!!!!

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“It’s Good To Know The Only Thing LeBron Cares About Is Money….” (DTS Podcast – #66)

LeBron James has made himself perfectly clear, sort of, not really, well NOT AT ALL ACTUALLY!!

I wonder what it’s like to tell the world someone else is uneducated and then speak in unintelligible gibberish….

All those who said the Jaguars wouldn’t get Two 1st-Round picks for Jalen Ramsey look very silly right now.

The Yankees need to do a rain dance..in a hurry.

The Nationals will lose every bit of momentum they ever had and will lose in the World Series….in 5 games.

Have an awesome, rainy day!!!!

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“LET’S GO YANKEES!!!! (DTS Podcast – #65)

Aaron Boone mismanaged the bullpen in Game 2 of the ALCS.

But, the Yankees won a game in Houston, stealing home field advantage from the Astros.

That’s all that matters now.

The Yankees will handle their business, at home!!

LET’S GO YANKEES!!!!

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“Now THAT Is What I Call BASEBALL!!!!” (DTS Podcast – #64)

Winner-take-all games are freakin’ awesome.

Extra-inning-winner-take-all games are even better.

The Nationals beating the Dodgers in the 10th inning was one of the coolest things I’ve seen all year.

If you missed it, well, I’m not sorry….it just sucks to be you.

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