One Liner Friday’s

Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

Congratulations Lebron on winning your 2nd championship, now you’re not a complete and total failure.

Everyone can keep saying that Gregg Popovich is the best coach of all-time, but when you make horrible blunder after horrible blunder late in championship games maybe you’re not who we thought you were.

Thanks for explaining yourself though, we all really appreciate it.

It’s time Manu, it’s time.

Everyone understands that Aaron Hernandez is going to be brought up on murder charges soon right?

I mean this guy has to be one of the dumbest people on the planet.

Aaron, please don’t shoot me in the face because you’re the butt of one of my jokes.

+13 Tiger, really?

At least you didn’t make any excuses for your poor play.

Can the Yankees demote Phil Hughes all the way back to high school?

The sky is falling the sky is falling, oh no wait that’s just babies falling from the sky.

In all seriousness though, nice catch Joe Torre’s daughter.

If you haven’t been watching the Stanley Cup Finals you should start.

Yasiel Puig!

Now I know Spain is the best soccer team in the world, but 10-0?

The craziest part of that game is that Spain let Tahiti play with 17 men on the field.

This week’s installment has been short but sweet, but I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I hope the Nets won’t mind that Jason Kidd has to take a leave of absence from coaching to serve jail time for his pending DWI case.

Just because Tim Tebow plays for the New England Patriots doesn’t mean he’s all of a sudden going to be good at football.

Tom Brady doesn’t have any magic dust to sprinkle on Tebow’s arm that’s going to make him accurate.

What I’m trying to say is my mother throws a football better than Tim Tebow.

You might be laughing but that’s no joke; mom dukes has a cannon.

So Serena Williams is decent at tennis huh?

Rafael Nadal should only play tournaments on clay, and any other tournament he is asked to play in he should kindly reply, no gracias.

When one of your finals games goes to triple overtime and it’s not even the lead story on ESPN, you know your sports in trouble (sorry hockey).

Hey Roger Goodell you know what you should do, you should make a public statement that offends an entire race of people, yeah yeah do that, that’s smart.

Breaking News: Mark McGwire eats entire Diamondbacks pitching staff in one bite during benches clearing brawl.

So much for players policing themselves huh?

Yasiel Puig!!

Yes, Jaromir freaking Jagr is still in the NHL, and no he’s not just riding the bench to say he made a comeback, he played 33 minutes Wednesday night.

And yes, Jagr was that player known as that other guy who played on the Penguins with Lemieux back when you were a kid.

Does Thiago Splitter know how tall he is??

In the words of Bill Walton, “Throw it down big man, throw it down!”

Hey Dwyane Wade: are you hurt or are you not hurt, are you finished or are you not finished?

By the way, that kid Sebastian De La Cruz who sings the National Anthem at Spurs games is awesome.

(Read this one in that Spongebob narrator voice) 18 innings later……

The Yankees and Athletics love baseball so much they decided to play 2 games in 1.

Can I get a little golf here?

For those of you who don’t know (and I’m pretty sure that’s most of you), golf’s U.S. Open started on Thursday, sort of.

If it ever stops raining we might get to watch some golf.

I want to take a second to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there.

Sleep in, watch TV on the couch, go play golf, eat and drink whatever you want.

Whatever you do just make sure you enjoy your day.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

I just wanted to wish the New York Knicks good luck against the Miami Heat this week.

Oh wait sorry never mind, you have to actually beat the other teams on your schedule first.

You mean things don’t happen just because you say they’re going to??

Sergio, I’m making dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come over?

I’m making Paella!

How bout dem’ Yankees!

Seriously though if the baseball season ended today Mariano Rivera would win the CY Young Award.

Amazing!!

On another serious note Da Bears are finally going to retire Mike Ditka’s number.

Congratulations Ditka!!

“I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down!”

“Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.”

“That Ditka has fists like a small truck.”

If you haven’t seen the movie Kicking and Screaming you should, it’s pretty funny and Mike Ditka is very funny in it.

Miguel Cabrera is really good at baseball.

Just in case you forgot, the NHL Playoffs are going on right now.

I know, it’s wild that you didn’t know that.

(Inside Indiana Pacers huddle before the final play of game 1) Frank Vogel speaking (probably really fast in a funny voice) : Roy Hibbert what are you, uh 7’2″, yea you probably can’t block anyone’s shot you take a seat here next to me, and nobody guard that #6 guy I heard he’s not very good.

How’d that work out for ya?

Heyyyyyyy, the New York Rangers won a hockey game!

Hey Chase Utley’s hurt again, that’s a shocker.

Why do NBA players think it’s okay to dress like this……….

http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1649354-paul-georges-outfit-last-night-was-a-sea-of-microorganisms-and-regret

All of these atrocious outfits in the NBA have inspired me to write a book that will be entitled: Where Have All The Men Gone?

I always set my Sno-Cones down on the bathroom floor at a stadium filled with people.

Then I don’t wash my hands and I sell them.

Word on the street is they were lemon flavor…..mmmmmm yummy!

Hey RG3, can your daddy fight my battles for me too??

I’m glad I’m not Mark Sanchez.

I am really glad I watched The Preakness… NOT!

Can I get a stare down here?

Andre Ethier’s wasn’t bad, but if you want to see the best stare down of all-time check this out :

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTNI85QM4A

You’re awesome Frank Robinson.

I hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of One Liner Fridays. Leave me your best One Liner in the comment section.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

This is my 2nd post of the day, so make sure to scroll down to check out my post on the New York Knicks.

Hey Bryce Harper, there’s a wall there, uh somebody should uh move it.

Nick Saban is the devil?

What did somebody hear Saban’s name in a Judas Priest song playing backwards?

Heyyyyyyyy the Knicks won a basketball game.

Gronkowski with a pile driver!

What an idiot!

Don’t be sad Kevin Durant, maybe Lebron James won’t be good next year.

The Yankees are in a familiar place (1st) with unfamiliar faces.

Phil Hughes sucks though.

Joba Chamberlain is lucky that Mariano Rivera is the nicest most classy guy in sports.

If he wasn’t I’m pretty sure Joba would be trying to put his face back together right now.

Tiger Woods never left, he just checked out for a little while, and then he checked in and out and in and out of motels all over the country.

But seriously though, Tiger woods is and always has been the best golfer on the planet.

Nice shot(s) Sergio.

Way to not choke.

Best Free Agent Signing in the NFL in 2013 goes to: Drum Roll Please………….

David Garrard to the New York Jets.

Only the Jets can sign someone and have them retire before they ever play a single snap.

They should resign Tim Tebow to take his roster spot.

Titus Young should write two books.

His first book should be entitled: How to get arrested twice in one day.

Then his follow-up book should be called: Twice wasn’t enough? I can teach you how to get arrested a third time in one week.

Let me be the first to say that if Floyd Mayweather fights Canelo Alvarez, he will suffer his first professional loss.

Hey Beckham, NOBODY CARES!!

I hope you enjoyed this weeks one liners. Let me know what you thought in the comment section below. Thank you for reading.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Hey Derrick Rose, how’s your knee feeling?

Are you comfy?

Those chairs on the bench do look pretty comfy.

I think it’s safe to say that the Miami Heat are done messing around.

No no, don’t stop shooting J.R. Smith, please don’t!

Tigah Tigah Woods y’all.

If the Yankees can win with a Minor League lineup, why can’t the Mets?

Yay, Floyd Mayweather won…….again.

That lady at the Miami Heat game looks so nice I think I want to invite her over for thanksgiving dinner.

You know instant replay doesn’t work if your looking at a TV from 1979, right?

Valiant effort New York Islanders (I hate you Sidney Crosby, I hate you).

Stephen Curry is really really good at basketball.

Does anyone on the planet have a smoother jumper than Curry?

There is one word and one word only to properly describe Matt Harvey and that word is FILTHY!!

Hey Los Angeles Angels, you guys stink!

Don’t you have to do something wrong to get ejected from a Major League Baseball Game?

Apparently John Hirchbeck didn’t know that when he threw Bryce Harper out of a game for not saying excuse me after he burped.

Hey Jason Kidd, the baskets that way
——–>

Phil Jackson, hi, we all know you are a great coach, but just stay home, be retired, and enjoy the rest of your life.

The NBA needs to fire whoever schedules their games.

Whoever decided that the Heat and Spurs series’ should play Wednesday/Friday while the Knicks and Thunder series’ should play Tuesday/Saturday needs to see a doctor immediately.

I’m surprised no one is making a big deal out of that.

By the way, could NBA players dress worse?

I don’t think so.

And finally if you missed Iman Shumpert’s dunk from Game 2 of the Knicks/Pacers series then click here:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=uirM5sljfO8

This has been another installment of One Liner Friday’s.

Please comment in the section below with your feedback.

Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Sports Highlights in One Liners

Who said the Yankees couldn’t score runs, or were too old, or Vernon Wells was a bum?

I think Tiger Woods looks good in green, don’t you?

Listen, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Mario Chalmers, and Ray Allen are all really really hurt, so just leave them alone; okay?

Sorry everyone my Knicks bandwagon is already full so please tuck and roll as I kick you all off one by one.

Man I’m really glad that Women’s College Basketball Championship game was close.

Kobe Bryant is good at basketball.

Bryce Harper is good at baseball.

The Miami Marlins should officially be moved to the Minor Leagues.

Anyone who says they’re not rooting for Tiger Woods (the golfer) is lying.

14 year old golf phenom Tianling Guan gets to play in the Masters, but hitting puberty would be a greater accomplishment.

Can someone text me Mike Rice’s telephone number, I want to have him over for dinner?

“So much for having a case of the Monday’s”
– Rick Pitino

Good for you if you know what movie that last line is from.

Cody Zeller is not ready for the NBA.

Neither is his buddy Victor Oladipo, but when the money’s there you gotta take it right?

NEWSFLASH: The NCAA is corrupt.

Why in the world does the Masters TV coverage start at 3 o’ clock in the afternoon?

I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

HEY KNICKS, when you get a lead you need to put the pedal to the metal, the game doesn’t end in the 3rd quarter!!

A +1 (73) by Tianling Guan in the opening round of the Masters is more impressive than you could possibly imagine.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Yanks Get On The Board

No, you didn’t travel back in time, that was Andy Pettite handing the ball to Mariano Rivera. Andy Pettite showed signs of his former self and pitched a phenomenal game against the rival Boston Red Sox. Pettite pitched 8 solid innings in just 94 pitches, earning the Yankees their first win of the season. He gave up just one run, and then handed the ball to Big Mo, who earned his first save of the season. This was Mariano Rivera’s first appearance in almost a year, and while he did give up a run, he still got the job done. I guess all you “experts” can stop hitting the panic button after TWO GAMES!! This is baseball. Baseball is a marathon and a half. If you are someone who thinks the first month of the baseball season means anything, you are sadly mistaken. Yes, the Yankees obviously have some major injuries that aren’t going to go away over night, but they still have a solid team. People also need to remember that Derek Jeter and Curtis Granderson will be returning in the near future. Are the Yankees going to hit a million home runs like they’ve grown accustom to over the past couple of years? Nope, but that doesn’t mean they can’t win baseball games. This will depend on the biggest wild card of the season that no one is talking about, and that is the manager. Everyone wants to focus on the injuries and the lack of power in the line-up, but who is it that needs to overcome those issues? That’s right, it’s the manager, Joe Girardi. I think we are all going to learn a lot about Joe Girardi this season. Personally, I have always thought Girardi was a sub par manager, and I believe his ineptitude as a big league manager will be on display this year. It is difficult to deal with major injuries from your star players, but in baseball every team deals with significant injuries all the time. It is the job of the manager to adapt to the situation and get the most out the players he does have. I just don’t see Girardi utilize the combination of his farm system and his veteran players properly. I also think Girardi’s in game situational moves are usually questionable, especially his pitching changes. You would think as a former catcher, he would understand pitchers a little bit better (silly me). Anyway, it was nice to see Andy Pettite pitch as well as he did, and that is something the Yankees will need consistently if they want to play baseball in October.

As I’ve been saying since before spring training got under way, the Yankees will survive this season. They will fight through all the injuries and adversity and they will find new ways to win. I believe that the Yankees will finish third in the division and will be fighting for the final American League playoff spot all year. If their pitching rotation holds up they will make the playoffs, however, if Andy Pettite and Hiroki Kuroda pitch like old men then they’re going to be watching the playoffs from the couch like the rest of us. They also have to deal with the giant question marks that are Phil Hughes, Ivan Nova, and David Phelps. Phelps has been solid, Nova has tremendous upside (but we better see it this season), and Hughes, well who the hell knows what he’s going to be. All in all this season is no slam dunk, but everyone needs to hop off the panic button. Let’s take a step back from reacting to everything in 3.5 seconds and see where they are when their roster is healthy. If the Yankees get Jeter and Granderson back (and everyone else stays healthy), and they are 10 games out of a playoff spot, then I give everyone permission to Panic with a capital P. Until that day comes, let’s just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Opening Day Should Be A National Holiday

You’ve waited and waited and it finally arrived. No I’m not talking about your clothes that you ordered online, I’m talking about Major League Baseball’s Opening Day. Monday, April 1st marked the start to another marathon that is the baseball season. Some will say, but what about the first game on Sunday night doesn’t that count? Umm no, no it does not. This years Opening Day brought about a couple of firsts and also brought you more of what you’re used to. For the first time in the history of New York’s baseball franchises, the Yankees and the Mets opened their season at home at the same time. I feel bad for the people stuck in that post game traffic. Now you might need to read this next part twice, but the Yankees lost and the Mets won. The Mets looked good with Jonathon Niese on the hill, and a grand slam by Collin Cowgill didn’t hurt either. They won their game 11-2 over the San Diego Padres. The Yankees on the other hand did not look as good. We interrupt this regularly scheduled program to bring you an important message: Do Not, I repeat Do Not overreact to the first game of the year!! This game meant absolutely nothing as to how the baseball season is going to pan out. MLB’s regular season is 162 games that span from April through 2027. If you are one of those people that thinks you can predict the future based on the first game of the year, than you my friend are crazy. Anyway, the Yankees still looked pretty awful out there yesterday. CC was his usual April self (for those of who don’t know, CC Sabathia notoriously pitches poorly in the month of April). The bats still think it’s March because they only scored two runs, and by the 9th inning it was difficult to find fans in the seats (the Yankees lost to the Boston Red Sox 8-2). However, let me repeat it is only game 1 of 162. Now, if the Yankees are 10 games out of the wild card when their entire roster is back healthy in August, then we can all panic and run around pulling random fire alarms.

All around the rest of the league (where there were 12 total games played Monday), we saw more dominance by the pitchers we’ve gotten to know over the past couple of years. Justin Verlander and Felix Hernandez were their usual lights out selves. While at the same time we saw, who I believe are the two best pitchers in baseball; Stephen Strasburg and Clayton Kershaw dominate. Stephen Strasburg pitched 7 brilliant innings in just 80 pitches. He also at one point retired 19 straight batters. That is uh how do you say it; INSANE. At the same time, no one had a better Opening Day than Clayton Kershaw. He picked up right where he left off last season by throwing a complete game shutout against his rival San Francisco Giants. And as if that wasn’t enough, Kershaw hit his first career home run. It wasn’t a bad day to be Clayton Kershaw. The regular season action continues today where there are 7 teams in play. Enjoy the games everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Why can’t we all be a little more like Derek Jeter?

There are plenty of players throughout the years that have “slipped up” in front of the media. These comments and one liners are usually spoken out of true emotion. The latest blunder was made by New York Yankees newest acquisition Kevin Youkilis. It is still tough for me personally, as a lifetime Yankees fan, to imagine Youkilis in Yankee Pinstripes. Well, unfortunately that imagination will become a reality this April. Upon his arrival to spring training, Youkilis made it very clear where his heart still lies. Youkilis said, “I’ll always be a Red Sock.” My initial reaction was woahhh buddy what are you saying, but when I took the time to think about it, I realized that no one ever confused Youkilis with a rocket scientist. Listen Kevin(I’m not calling you Yoouuukkk), in reality you might feel that way in your heart, but you’ve been in the league long enough to know how this works. You need to talk to writers, reporters, and fans as if you are a politician. You need to answer questions without really saying anything. Reporters and fans alike love guys who are honest and speak the truth. It’s like giving them free ammunition for an empty gun. However, it usually ends poorly when a player says what’s really on his mind. Now, I know it’s a catch twenty-two when it comes to talking to the media, but Kevin needs to be smarter.

Every athlete in the world, not just baseball players, should take lessons from Derek Jeter. Think about it, have you ever heard Derek Jeter say something out of bounds? Has Mr. November ever been in hot water over a controversial comment? The answer is an emphatic NO. The other day, I heard a fan call-in to a radio show and suggest that Derek Jeter would have said the same exact thing if he signed with the Boston Red Sox. The host of the show quickly interjected and needless to say that was the end of that phone call. People like that anger me so much that I actually had to pull over to the side of the road while I was driving. Derek Jeter will NEVER wear any other uniform besides a Yankees uniform. For argument’s sake though, let’s just say that he got traded to or signed with the Red Sox. That doesn’t mean he is all of a sudden going to start talking out of his rear end. Everyone knows Derek Jeter is a Yankee for life, that goes without saying. But if somehow he found himself wearing the enemy’s colors, he wouldn’t be so brainless as to say that in his heart he’ll always bleed Yankees blue and white. He’s too smart. He’s too savvy. We should all take lessons from Derek. Another thing I love about Derek Jeter is his loyalty to his team. It is rare to see a ball player stay with the same team throughout their entire career. I think baseball needs more of that. Baseball needs more of the Barry Larkin’s, the Craig Biggio’s, and the Cal Ripken Jr’s. Free agency and the growth of players’ salaries has caused players to chase money rather than stay loyal to the team that drafted them. It’s really a shame that baseball is strictly a business, but it makes you appreciate the Derek Jeter’s and Mariano Rivera’s of the world even more. Now, in Youkilis’ situation he was traded and then signed with a team that had a need for him. It’s not like he chose to leave Boston to sign with the Yankees(only Johnny Damon was smart enough to do that). Youkilis is still not off the hook for putting his foot in his mouth, but at least we know he’s not a traitor. From a strictly baseball perspective Youkilis fills a need for the Yankees. With Alex Rodriguez caught up in whatever it is he’s caught up in and his injury, Youkilis should serve the Yankees well at 3rd base. His offensive production has slipped since the end of the 2010 season, but we all saw what a change of scenery did for him last season. I think he’ll give it his all out there on the diamond, but I’m still not calling him Yoouuukkk.