One Liner Friday’s

peyton

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Peyton Manning is very very very very very good at football.

Hey Flacco, I hope you had your notepad and pencil out while Mr. Manning was taking you to school (nice contract Ravens).

Seriously though, everyone should stop doubting Manning and his arm strength and his age and should just realize that he is one of the best to ever do it (NO, NOT 6, 7, 7 IS THE NUMBER!).

Something About Mary?

Oh Yankees, every time I think you’re going to return to form and storm your way into the playoffs, you go and do something like that.

In case you missed it, Big Mo blew a save (obviously against the Red Sox) and then who else but Joba the hut would go on to lose the game.

I still think the Yankees land the final Wild Card spot in the playoffs this year, watch.

I’ve said it about 10 times now, and I will say it again, Floyd Mayweather Jr. will be handed his first ever loss by Canelo Alvarez on Saturday September 14th.

I am looking forward to 50 Cent and Justin Bieber performing for Mayweather as he walks to the ring though (how stupid is that).

Nobody thinks that Cary Williams wanted to fight Riley Cooper because he is a blatant racist do they??

Because that would be absurd!

Hey, uh, Geno Smith, we passed on you just like everyone else in the 1st round of the draft, and we are actually going to play Mark ‘the worst quarterback in the history of the world’ Sanchez over you, but now that ummm, oh man this is awkward, now that he happens to be hurt THIS IS YOUR OFFENSE AND IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!

Yeah, I think he believes you and he’s buying the vote of confidence.

And if he’s not I certainly am.

It has been one of the most spectacular and impressive careers in the history of sports, but Roger Federer is officially on the Decline.

2013 became the first year he hasn’t reached a single Grand Slam Final since 2002 (back before he was the R-FED).

His career is not over, and I think he will make a comeback and have a nice showing in 2014 before he rides off into the sunset, but this is the first of many tributes to one of the finest athletes of all time.

Hey, uh, Andy Murray, I know you’re really busy being the ugliest man in the world, but a player of your stature should never lose in straight sets in the quarterfinals.

You know, instead of suspending Ryan Braun for the rest of the season, they should have just suspended him for 4.5 innings.

No?

Oh, that only works for privileged stuck up little children in College Football, my bad.

Who gives out a suspension of half of a game?!?!?

That’s like taking a convicted felon and saying, you know what we’re going to do, forget the whole prison thing, we are just going to give you about 25 minutes in the pink timeout chair in the corner (obviously the timeout chair is pink).

Thanks for reading everyone, and if you have your own one liner’s that you want to post, please feel free to do so in the comment section below. Enjoy your weekend everyone!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

20130816-053208.jpg

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Fridays. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey Jason Dufner, you just won your 1st Major, The PGA Championship, you can smile now.

Have you ever seen a more emotionless man in the entire world??

Man, the most emotion he showed was in the butt slap he gave his wife right after he won the tournament (awesome).

Sound the alarm, call the National Guard, alert the President, Tom Brady stubbed his toe!!

I’ll have whatever Alfonso Soriano is having.

I still don’t understand why the Jets are being talked about, they are going to be the worst team in the NFL this season.

However, everyone is missing the point (as usual) with Rex Ryan’s “brutal” comment about Geno Smith.

Rex obviously knows he’s on the hot seat (his ass might as well be on fire), and the only way to save his job is to stick with ‘his guy’ in Sanchez and go down with the ship.

It’s partly his pride for sticking with Sanchez, but if Sanchez magically figures it out maybe Rex is employed come next August (he figures there’s no way he can win anything with a rookie).

Hey Tiger, the fairway’s that way
——————->!!

Who’s pumped for football??

Hey RG3, do you mind if we create a controversy between you and your coach out of absolutely nothing?

Heyyyy, Major League Baseball finally threw out their black and white TV, took their corn cob pipe out of their mouths, sold their transistor radio, and has decided to join us in the 21st century.

For those of you who don’t know, MLB will be instituting instant replay in the near future.

The format for manager challenges is not even close to the right way to do this, but it is a step in the right direction.

Are there enough of you out there watching baseball to realize how unbelievable of a season Miguel Cabrera is having?

He won the Triple Crown last year, and he is putting that season to shame (enjoy history).

Clayton Kershaw = Beast!

Greg Jennings needs shut his trap, running his mouth about a former teammate who just happens to be the best quarterback in the league is nota good idea.

Remember when Don Mattingly was almost fired and then the Dodgers went 40-8 over their next 48 games??

Say thank you to Yasiel.

And finally, I know some of you were worried but yes, Johnny Manziel is still an idiot.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

a-rod-600-copy

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

You guys want to hear about A-Rod or Johnny Manziel, or A-Rod, or Johnny Manziel, or A-Rod, or Johnny Manziel?

Tiger Woods seems to be trying things a little differently this time around, he decided to falter on Thursday instead of Sunday.

Adam Adam Scott y’all!!

It’s awesome to see football games being played again, but the preseason is about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.

Dodgeball anyone?

Great movie.

Reports are saying that Plaxico Burress has shot himself in his other leg…no I’m just kidding, he tore his rotator cuff though (bye-bye career).

So, upon the return of A-Rod and Granderson, The Yankees still suck, so what do they do now?

Some are calling for C.C. Sabathia to get back on the Cheeseburger wagon and to that I say hell yes!

And people are asking what Yankees fans reaction will be when A-Rod steps to the plate in the house that Jeter built?

This is a simple question to answer, he will be booed initially, but the following reaction will be strictly tied to his performance.

Johnny Manziel represents everything I hate about the younger generation in the U.S.

He has been spoiled, and told he is better and more special than everyone else his entire life, oh and he has money.

That’s the trifecta of how to raise a douchebag right there, no wonder he’s the dumbest college football player of all time.

Here at GloboGym, we’re better than you, and we know it!

Man, I’m just full of Dodgeball references today.

Seriously though, you have to be some kind of special moron when you are a player of his caliber and you sign autographs for money and try to cover it up.

The Yankees bats have gone so cold they figured they could turn the stadium into an ice hockey rink.

Coming this winter: Hockey at Yankee Stadium!

The Devils will take on the Rangers on January 26th, and the Islanders will take on the Rangers on January 29th.

That Rangers vs. Islanders game will be pretty cool because it will take place at night under the lights.

Mark Sanchez vs. Geno Smith is like a play-in game in March Madness, the winner gets the right to get spanked by the #1 seed.

This week’s edition is short and sweet, but I hope you enjoyed it.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

I just wanted to wish the New York Knicks good luck against the Miami Heat this week.

Oh wait sorry never mind, you have to actually beat the other teams on your schedule first.

You mean things don’t happen just because you say they’re going to??

Sergio, I’m making dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come over?

I’m making Paella!

How bout dem’ Yankees!

Seriously though if the baseball season ended today Mariano Rivera would win the CY Young Award.

Amazing!!

On another serious note Da Bears are finally going to retire Mike Ditka’s number.

Congratulations Ditka!!

“I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down!”

“Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.”

“That Ditka has fists like a small truck.”

If you haven’t seen the movie Kicking and Screaming you should, it’s pretty funny and Mike Ditka is very funny in it.

Miguel Cabrera is really good at baseball.

Just in case you forgot, the NHL Playoffs are going on right now.

I know, it’s wild that you didn’t know that.

(Inside Indiana Pacers huddle before the final play of game 1) Frank Vogel speaking (probably really fast in a funny voice) : Roy Hibbert what are you, uh 7’2″, yea you probably can’t block anyone’s shot you take a seat here next to me, and nobody guard that #6 guy I heard he’s not very good.

How’d that work out for ya?

Heyyyyyyy, the New York Rangers won a hockey game!

Hey Chase Utley’s hurt again, that’s a shocker.

Why do NBA players think it’s okay to dress like this……….

http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1649354-paul-georges-outfit-last-night-was-a-sea-of-microorganisms-and-regret

All of these atrocious outfits in the NBA have inspired me to write a book that will be entitled: Where Have All The Men Gone?

I always set my Sno-Cones down on the bathroom floor at a stadium filled with people.

Then I don’t wash my hands and I sell them.

Word on the street is they were lemon flavor…..mmmmmm yummy!

Hey RG3, can your daddy fight my battles for me too??

I’m glad I’m not Mark Sanchez.

I am really glad I watched The Preakness… NOT!

Can I get a stare down here?

Andre Ethier’s wasn’t bad, but if you want to see the best stare down of all-time check this out :

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTNI85QM4A

You’re awesome Frank Robinson.

I hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of One Liner Fridays. Leave me your best One Liner in the comment section.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Every Friday, I will be writing a new installment of One Liner Friday’s. This will wrap up the week in sports in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

Hey Derrick Rose, if Nate Robinson can puke on the bench and then go back in the game I think you can give it a shot (I mean you are 100% healthy, lol).

The New York Knicks are class personified.

Ron Burgundy agrees.

Ah Eureka! I figured it out, Carmelo Anthony must want to be home for Mother’s Day every year and that’s why he can’t move on past the 1st round.

Are we really still in the 1st round?

Has there ever been a slower more un athletic all star than Paul Pierce?

Hey Mark Sanchez, nice headband!

Does Mark Sanchez know he’s not good at football?

Somebody should tell him.

Apparently Robert Guerrero’s father doesn’t like women beaters, who knew?

Why is it that Guerrero’s father was at the podium in the first place?

And did anyone see Oscar DeLa Hoya’s face immediately following Guerrero’s removal from the stage???

He looked like a deer in head lights, hahaha.

People are saying Tim Tebow isn’t good enough to play in the CFL.

You know you’re in trouble when Canada doesn’t even want you.

Stephen Curry is good at basketball.

The Miami Heat have been resting for so long that Shane Battier has actually grown a full on mustache (can I get a little Fu Manchu here?).

Yay, A-Rod has been cleared for baseball activities so now he can go back to not earning his contract.

I’m glad I’m not Mike Greenberg right now.

He just had mud, whipped cream, eggs, bacon, cereal, and syrup dumped on him…..mmmmm fun!

That’s what you get for sucking at picking sports games.

Did I mention that Stephen Curry is good at basketball?

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Let The Madness Begin!!

Gotcha!! You all thought this was a college basketball story didn’t you? Well, sorry to get your hopes up but it’s not. This article is all about NFL’s Free Agency, which begins today at 4:00 P.M. Come 4 O’ Clock teams will begin signing free agents in hopes to build a championship contender for the future. Some NFL teams couldn’t wait and started making moves Monday afternoon. Most notably, Anquan Boldin and Percy Harvin were both traded. Anquan Boldin was traded from the Baltimore Ravens to the San Francisco 49ers for a 6th round draft pick. Percy Harvin was traded from the Minnesota Vikings to the Seattle Seahawks for a 1st round draft pick this year as well as 2 other draft picks. If you ask me, I don’t really understand the Ravens’ thought process here. Why in the world would you trade the guy who just helped you win a Super Bowl for a 6th round pick? To save yourself 2 million dollars a year? If that’s the case, solid move Baltimore. You’ll see just how good Joe Flacco is without his most dependable wide receiver. The big winner in this situation is the San Francisco 49ers. They pick up a big physical receiver to play on the opposite side of the field as Vernon Davis and Michael Crabtree. Happy Birthday Colin Kaepernick. Ahhhh I get it. It has nothing to do with the fact that Boldin refused to take a pay cut (rightfully so). It’s because John Harbaugh won a Super Bowl, and now he wants to make sure his little brother Jim wins one next year. Now, I’m sure that the Seattle Seahawks will have something to say about that next year. With these two trades, the NFC West has become the best division in football. The Seahawks gave up an arm and a leg for Percy Harvin, but this trade is clearly a perfect fit for them if he stays healthy. Think about it, all they are missing is a big play receiver. Last season prior to his injury, Harvin had 62 receptions for 677 yards (in only 9 games) on a team with a less than stellar quarterback. I’d say that’s exactly the type of production the Seahawks need to get over the hump. Harvin’s not too shabby in the kick return game either.

The New York Jets certainly made the biggest move of the day. Hell, this might be the move of the year! The Jets signed David Garrard as their backup quarterback. Their hope is that he can compete with Mark Sanchez for the starting job. To this I say nothing. I say nothing because it doesn’t matter. Garrard is not going to push Sanchez to another level, and if Sanchez falters Garrard is not going to come in and set the world on fire. I am pretty indifferent on the move, but I’m sure that Rex Ryan is sending save the dates to all his friends for the day after the Super Bowl. Oh yeah, they think they’ll be in Disney World, but actually they’ll be on their couch just like the rest of us. The actual news regarding the Jets is the status of Darrelle Revis. Revis must be traded, it is as simple as that. The question is what can they get for him in return? Due to the ACL injury he is coming off of they won’t get top value for him right now. The Jets would be taking a huge risk though if they hold on to him for this season. They would end up paying him plus they wouldn’t get anything in return in this years draft. Plus, he could play poorly due to the injury or even worse he could re-injure himself (then they would really be screwed). I think the Jets should get as much as possible for Revis before this years draft and before they are obligated to pay him another penny.

No matter what the Jets decide to do with Darrelle Revis, today should be a busy and fun filled day around the NFL. Buckle up your seat belts and let’s go for a ride. Check back tomorrow to see the grades I dish out for each teams major free agent signings.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

The UnNatural Disaster that is the NY JETS

Hey let’s hop in our time machine and go back to 2009. Come on, this will be fun. So here we are beating quality teams on the road in the postseason. We come one win shy of a trip to the Super Bowl, but it was certainly a successful season. We have a top 5 rushing attack, top 5 defense, very good receivers, and an up and coming quarterback who’s confidence is building game by game. Our coach is a defensive minded coach who seems to know how to rally the troops every Sunday. Quick let us fast forward to the present day. We are in my estimation the most poorly run organization in the NFL, and we are the laughing stock of newspapers and sports talk shows nationwide. I’m going to tell you how we got from where we were to how we became the most entertaining circus since Barnum and Baileys. Then I’ll break down step by step what we need to do to get back to Super Bowl contention.
After consecutive trips to the AFC Championship in ’09 and ’10, you’d think the Jets would have a blueprint for success in their back pocket somewhere. Well someone from the Patriots obviously infiltrated the Jets organization as a spy and did that flashy memory erase thingy from Men In Black. Yo, Tommy Lee Jones is looking old as hell isn’t he? Which brings me to Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzanegger. Guys, you’re like 100! Stop making action flicks! You guys look ridiculous! Anyway, here’s why the Jets have crumbled over the past two seasons. Mark Sanchez is Alex Smith. They are both mentally weak, and they are at the peak of their potential; game managers. If Sanchez is going to be your guy you need to cater to his needs. Which is really the Jets biggest problem. If you need to have a perfect roster built around your QB just to be successful, then Sanchez isn’t your guy. You want my professional opinion? Sanchez is a bum. A franchise QB should be your captain and leader! He shouldn’t sulk and let his play circle the drain because your owner brought in Tim Tebow. That is the only time I will bring up that guy in this entire article because he’s obviously horrendous and isn’t worth wasting my breath on. Clearly not a football move, clearly for $ and front page headlines, blah blah blah we all know this already. Somebody stuff a sock in Skip Bayless’ mouth and tape it shut please. He obviously gets paid to play devils advocate because even he cant believe the garbage that spews out his mouth. Anyway, the Jets need someone to smack them silly and then sit them down in front of a mirror. If it sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck, then it’s probably a, yup you got it, a duck. Rex Ryan needs to get fired because he’s not the guy. If you’re not going to fire him then at least tell him to shut his trap. Mark Sanchez is also not the guy, so why don’t we extend his freakin contract for no good reason. I mean come on!! The jets have literally done the exact opposite of what they should be doing. And as if last year couldn’t have gone any worse, why don’t we express to the rest of the league that we WANT to trade Darrelle Revis? Yup sure great idea Mr new General Manager guy, lets find the only way possible to get less value out of him. He only missed almost an entire season with a serious injury. And he’s only about the most stubborn guy in the world when it comes to contract negotiations. So lets please trade him for a 5th round pick and a bucket of chicken. All my Seinfeld fans out there got that one. What they should have done was trade him when his value was highest. Unfortunately that time isn’t now so they need to keep him until after the season starts, let him play well, and then trade him for as many pieces as possible. For all of you Jets fans out there that drink the Rex Ryan kool-aid, we are going to do this because we are NOT GOOD and we are in rebuilding mode. Dumb Fan #1: We are? Really? Me: Uh yea we suck. On that note, we need to start from scratch and rebuild this franchise. We need to get a bunch of draft picks for Revis and start to clear cap space for 2 years from now. Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez need to be fired and we need to start filling all of the holes on the roster. Those holes include : at least 2 WR’s, 2 RB’s, a TE, 2 O-Lineman, and a pass rush. Oo yea I almost forgot, we also need a QB, but that’s just a tiny little detail. How silly of me. So, as anyone with eyes can see, we have a lot of work ahead of us before we can think about the playoffs. Lets get to work then. Think you have the answer to the Jets problems?? Leave your ideas in the comment section below…..