Tag: MLB

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

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Hello and welcome back to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey what do you know, Bill Belichick does have a heart.

I was actually starting to wonder if he was a robot.

Has anyone seen that picture of Tyson Chandler in a pair of shorts?

Forget one line, I have one word for Tyson Chandler : SQUATS!

I know virtually no one has noticed, but we must be in bizarro world because the U.S. Men’s Soccer team has won 9 games in a row!

Dear Derek Rose, I love the confidence, but you must be high as a kite to say that you are the best player in the NBA.

We all know you didn’t play any games last year, but apparently you didn’t watch any games either.

The Hefty Lefty shot a remarkable final round 66 to win the Open Championship, I’m just glad there were no tents in his way this year.

From now on, I think Tiger Woods should wear Pink on Sundays.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about A-Rod?

Here, I will be taking a stand against the meaningless A-Rod drivel that everyone else is pushing.

I will give you one last line: he cheated and lied, but he’s clearly The Yankees best option at 3rd base so play him until he gets suspended.

Isn’t it sad though that The Yankees are going to rely on Alfonso Soriano to be their savior?

Wait a minute, Alfonso Soriano, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Mariano Rivera, where is Chuck Knoblauch when you need him?

Lebron left his city, now he’s turning his back on his own country, what’s next? (Maybe he’ll move to Canada)

Ryan Braun bet his life and he’s still alive and Aaron Rodgers bet his salary and he’s still living large, let’s bring out the electric chair so we can move on with our day. #welchonabet

Matt Ryan gets paid!!!!!!

Apparently winning 1 career playoff game is the new benchmark for a $100 million dollar contract.

So big hits at the college level are now cause for ejection, I’m glad the NCAA is attempting to completely ruin another aspect of their game, what a shocker.

They might as well put tutu’s on these guys and let them hit each other with pillows.

Football is a violent sport, let’s leave it that way!!

Speaking of football, Jaws must be sharing Derek Rose’s stash if he thinks Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are both better than Drew Brees.

On a serious note: I feel horrible for Tim Hudson, who over the past 15 years has been one of the most solid and consistent pitchers in all of baseball.

I feel really bad that he got injured the way he did, and I hope he is able to return to form and pitch in the Major League’s again.

The Mets are not just ruining their own players careers, but have now figured out how to ruin their opponents careers too.

Jaromir Jagr was born during World War II, and he is still playing in the NHL; amazing.

With the start of training camp it’s time to get excited about football, but I think it’s cute that Jets fans are actually convinced that they can win 9 games this year.

4 spot, if they’re lucky.

Have a nice weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

MLB Serves Ryan Braun With A Vacation

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

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As most of you have probably heard by now, Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers has been suspended for the remainder of the 2013 season (including the playoffs that they’re not going to be in). At this point in the season that means that his suspension will total 65 games. Monetarily speaking Braun will lose just north of $3.4 million. That’s change in the couch for a guy like Braun, since he signed a contract extension in 2011 worth a whopping $105 million. Side note: Isn’t there something wrong with figures like that? One-Hundred and Five Million Dollars? Man, you could feed a small country for a year with that. But, their salaries are obviously our fault, and we all know this already, so I’ll stop traveling off topic and I’ll get back to the task at hand. If you aren’t aware of why this suspension is so fulfilling and unbelievably hysterical, let me fill you in. Ryan Braun won the MVP in 2011. Immediately following the announcement of this award, Braun provided Major League Baseball with a positive test for performance enhancing drugs. Even with a positive test out there, Braun continuously proclaimed his innocence and denied any and all use of said banned substances. He, being the sweetheart that he is, took it as far as personally attacking the man who collected the sample. The long and short of the story is that Braun did not get punished for said positive test because the man who collected the sample didn’t get it shipped out of his house in the allotted amount of time. So, Braun got off on what many have called a technicality. And rather than say thank you for getting the process right, and I didn’t do this and I’m glad our system prevailed, he went on and on and on and on in a speech for the ages. For those of you who haven’t seen this gem, click below:

Ryan Braun is a phenomenal liar if I do say so myself. I personally think he would make a fantastic double agent for the FBI or CIA. That speech right there is unbelievable. I don’t know about you, but I think he took it too far when he said he’d bet his life that these substances never entered his body. Or was it when he mentioned all the honor, integrity, and class he has? (HA!). While it is great to see such a dishonest and deceitful player get caught, it is simply not enough to change the culture of a seriously tainted sport. Now as a lifelong baseball fan, I applaud baseball for what they are trying to do. Major League Baseball (along with every major sport everywhere) has a serious drug problem, and it needs a cure. The fight against performing enhancing drugs is long overdue. The only problem is the problem is so deeply rooted, and the players have such a union set up that it will never allow such a profitable problem to be solved in its entirety. These guys make their fancy livings with the help of this stuff. And as long as the guy next to you is doing it than I guess you’ll be doing it too.

Join me as we travel back to reality. With the system we have in place in Major League Baseball and the knowledge that the union will never allow stiffer consequences for these actions, this problem will continue to persist. And that is exactly why this suspension means absolutely nothing. As of today, Ryan Braun is getting an 8 month vacation. Yes, it is unpaid but as I stated earlier that means nothing to him. He’ll go home and enjoy time with his family, and enjoy time away from a horrible baseball team. Sure his name will always be slightly tainted, but after watching that video from 2 years ago, I think he’ll be just fine. As far as the 65 game suspension goes, some of you might be wondering how they came to such a number? Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Agreement states that if caught with banned substances you will incur penalties of first a 50-game suspension, second a 100-game suspension, and finally if caught a third time a lifetime ban from baseball. So what clearly happened with Braun was MLB came to Braun and his lawyers and said this is the evidence we have on you. The evidence must have been overwhelmingly in favor of MLB, because Braun folded like a cheap suit and basically asked for the handcuffs and said I’ll put them on myself. MLB obviously wanted the 100-game suspension if not more, but were not planning to accept the minimal 50-games. So with Braun standing there with his pants down, he must have plea bargained his way down to the rest of the season. That is how they landed on the unorthodox number of 65.

Then came the icing on the cake (Ryan Braun’s public statement from yesterday in response to the suspension) that you probably left in the back of your cabinet for 3 years and then thought it was okay to use. Please read now, and enjoy, the worst public statement in the history of mankind:

“As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect. I realize now that I have made some mistakes. I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions. This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family, and it is has been a distraction to my teammates and the Brewers organization. I am very grateful for the support I have received from players, ownership and the fans in Milwaukee and around the country. Finally, I wish to apologize to anyone I may have disappointed – all of the baseball fans especially those in Milwaukee, the great Brewers organization, and my teammates. I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love.”

Did anyone else have a reversal of fortune after reading that horror story? Let’s take a quick look into that statement. ‘As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect.’ Really? When was that acknowledgement again? I don’t remember ever hearing about that. ‘This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family.’ No, not on you, just on everyone else involved except for you because you are the only reason this ordeal is taking place. I would continue translating and analyzing this thing of beauty, but I don’t want to be sick to my stomach all day. The bottom line is that this suspension is the first of many, and it is certainly a step in the right direction. The only problem is it is the equivalent of taking about 5 steps up Mount Everest.

Finally, you all must be wondering what this means for Alex Rodriguez. It means nothing good for A-Rod that’s what it means. Sources are already saying that A-Rod is in discussions with MLB to work out a deal. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like good news now does it? He was supposed to be back in the Yankees lineup Monday night, but that was postponed due to a “slight quad strain”. Yeah, okay, and my grandma is a professional basketball player. The Yankees, or MLB, or someone obviously didn’t want Rodriguez to step on to the field this season. So they had a little talk with Alex and extended his stay on the disabled list. My prediction is that MLB drops the hammer on A-Rod before the weekend is done.

What do you think of Braun’s suspension? Do you think it is meaningful or insignificant? What do you think will become of Alex Rodriguez? Please let me know by leaving your comments and responses in the comment section below. Thank you!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 2 Comments

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Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Mark my words: Everyone at the Open Championship needs to watch out for Tiger Woods.

I know I know, that’s a really hard prediction to make, but I’m making it because he has found a nice rhythm and he’s got the putter working (he doesn’t lose when he putts well).

That’s a scientific fact!

Anchorman anyone?

The MLB All-Star Game is the only one of the major sports that I look forward to not watching.

It can’t be an exhibition and mean something at the SAME TIME!!

The HomeRun Derby is still cool though.

Watching human beings (albeit human beings on massive amounts of growth hormones) hit baseballs 500 feet never gets old.

Yoenis Cespedes is a beast!!

For those of who didn’t watch the ESPY’S (like me), you need to check out Lebron James’ outfit:

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Umm excuse me Mr. usher, can you help me find my seat?

Whatever happened to the regular old black tux?

So little Johnny Manziel is getting drunk, getting arrested, and is in the process of ruining his future, it sounds like he’ll fit right in in the NFL.

But, whatever you do John, just remember that NOBODY CARES!!

A-Rod says he’ll be back on the Yankees on Monday, I want to believe him, I just don’t.

Oh you want a $25 million dollar contract?

But you don’t have any major injuries?

Oh no I’m sorry I can’t give you a contract unless at least one of your body parts is falling apart.

What’s that, you do have knees that are deteriorating, by all means then J.R. Smith, please sign right here.

Jaws must have been smoking that good stuff when he made is QB list because there is no way in hell that Matt Ryan is better than Drew Brees.

Lebron, Kobe, and Melo are not going to wind up on the same team.

That’s crazy, that would be like Iron Man, Thor, and The Hulk all teaming up to……..ahhh or maybe it could happen.

Does Kevin Garnett know that he’s going to have to coach the Nets while Jason Kidd is in jail??

I’d like to end on a serious note.

This year is the 20th anniversary of Jimmy V’s famous “Don’t give up, don’t ever give up” speech.

I’d just like to say that we should never take anything, anyone, or any day we have for granted because you never know when it’ll all be gone.

Cherish your lives every day, and appreciate the life that you have.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 4 Comments

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Hello everyone and welcome to another stellar edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I’d say Ron Metta Artest World Peace should say bye bye to LaLa Land, but clearly he has a permanent residence there.

Seriously though, the Knicks should sign him since he’s the gritty type of player they need.

As long as he promises not to eat anyone’s face than it will be a good pickup.

Why does everyone keep telling me how clean cut and ‘proper’ the Patriots franchise is?

The Patriots cornerback (Alfonzo Dennard) who was just arrested for the second time (for a DUI this time), was drafted by the Patriots just a week AFTER he was arrested for assaulting an officer.

What in the wild world of all things that are holy is Ilya Kovalchuk thinking?

This man just retired from the NHL at the age of 30 and left $77 million on the table (yeah I’m sure he won’t regret that move down the road).

Speaking of Russians, The Brooklyn Nets signed wild hair-do man Andrei Kirilenko to a 2 year $6 million contract.

It’s official, the Net’s are no longer “making splashes”, they’re flat out doing cannonballs in the middle of the pool.

By the way, The Nets Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov is obviously going to buy fellow Russian Andrei Kirilenko an extra special Christmas present this year considering he left about $7 million on the table in free agency.

I’m just saying.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are the next victims of the I think Andrew Bynum can play basketball movement.

Man, it’s going to be embarrassing when Major League Baseball tries to suspend players again, and they come back with a handful of lint, again.

I don’t care what his MRI says, The Yankees brought Derek Jeter back too early, again.

You heard it here first, Miguel Cabrera will win back to back Triple Crown’s this year.

Yasiel Puig not being an All-Star makes about as much sense as an Interstate Highway in Hawaii (they really have those).

Dwight Howard to the Rockets?

So he wants to continue NOT filling the shoes of the game’s all-time great centers?

Want the list?

You got it: Shaquille O’Neal, George Mikan, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and now Hakeem Olajuwon.

Yeah, that shouldn’t tarnish your already sterling legacy.

You all realize that Anderson Silva still believes he won that fight on Saturday night right?

How happy does it make you to watch someone so cocky and so full of themselves get knocked the bleep out?

If you haven’t seen it just click here:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OwDqz2P0YTw

Who knew you could be fat and still win Wimbledon?

Apparently, Marion Bartoli was the only person who possessed such knowledge.

Andy Murray wins his first Wimbledon and then proceeds to high five and hug like 85 people before forgetting to acknowledge his own mother.

Way to man up with those bulls Rex Ryan.

I’ve never seen Rex move that fast before, he looked like a cheetah chasing down his prey the way he skyrocketed up that fence.

Nice face Nick Swisher.

How about you do your job that you get paid millions for and trot down to first base there chief.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 3 Comments

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Hello, and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. This is my 2nd post of the day so make sure you scroll down to read my review of Thursday night’s NBA Draft.

So if the Yankees can score some runs that would be cool.

You know those silly movies like Home Alone where they put down 5 marbles and the bad guys all slip and fall?

Yeah, that’s Wimbledon.

Aaron Hernandez took a lottery ticket and used it as Charmin Ultra Soft.

As I predicted last Friday, Hernandez was charged with murder, and I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison regretting his miserable existence.

In all seriousness though I feel really bad for his baby girl.

Not so seriously though, how can the best basketball player that ever lived be such a bad judge of talent?

Michael Jordan is a worse NBA Executive than he was a baseball player.

Doc Rivers is goin goin back back to Cali.

In other NBA news, the Brooklyn Nets actually believe it is 2005 with the finalization of a trade for Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett.

Most of these guys are way past their prime.

Some of them never had a prime.

This guys dead!

Major League, great movie.

I guess Tim Tebow really is going to be the Patriots tight end.

Doesn’t that make you sick to your stomach?

Hey Yasiel Puig, there’s a wall there someone should, uh move it.

Matt Harvey is really good at baseball.

The Mets should pray that Zach Wheeler is even half as good, maybe then they’ll come close to .500.

Not likely though, I mean they are the Mets.

Brian Cashman dropping F bombs!!

Personally I love it, A-Rod needs to shut his trap.

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 2 Comments

Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I hope the Nets won’t mind that Jason Kidd has to take a leave of absence from coaching to serve jail time for his pending DWI case.

Just because Tim Tebow plays for the New England Patriots doesn’t mean he’s all of a sudden going to be good at football.

Tom Brady doesn’t have any magic dust to sprinkle on Tebow’s arm that’s going to make him accurate.

What I’m trying to say is my mother throws a football better than Tim Tebow.

You might be laughing but that’s no joke; mom dukes has a cannon.

So Serena Williams is decent at tennis huh?

Rafael Nadal should only play tournaments on clay, and any other tournament he is asked to play in he should kindly reply, no gracias.

When one of your finals games goes to triple overtime and it’s not even the lead story on ESPN, you know your sports in trouble (sorry hockey).

Hey Roger Goodell you know what you should do, you should make a public statement that offends an entire race of people, yeah yeah do that, that’s smart.

Breaking News: Mark McGwire eats entire Diamondbacks pitching staff in one bite during benches clearing brawl.

So much for players policing themselves huh?

Yasiel Puig!!

Yes, Jaromir freaking Jagr is still in the NHL, and no he’s not just riding the bench to say he made a comeback, he played 33 minutes Wednesday night.

And yes, Jagr was that player known as that other guy who played on the Penguins with Lemieux back when you were a kid.

Does Thiago Splitter know how tall he is??

In the words of Bill Walton, “Throw it down big man, throw it down!”

Hey Dwyane Wade: are you hurt or are you not hurt, are you finished or are you not finished?

By the way, that kid Sebastian De La Cruz who sings the National Anthem at Spurs games is awesome.

(Read this one in that Spongebob narrator voice) 18 innings later……

The Yankees and Athletics love baseball so much they decided to play 2 games in 1.

Can I get a little golf here?

For those of you who don’t know (and I’m pretty sure that’s most of you), golf’s U.S. Open started on Thursday, sort of.

If it ever stops raining we might get to watch some golf.

I want to take a second to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there.

Sleep in, watch TV on the couch, go play golf, eat and drink whatever you want.

Whatever you do just make sure you enjoy your day.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

If winning Coach of the Year doesn’t guarantee your employment, what the hell does??

Sorry George Karl, but if you never raise people’s expectations too high they’ll never be too disappointed.

A-Rod, A-Rod, A-Rod how I loathe thee.

A-Rod has to be the dumbest guy in the world to think he was going to get away with cheating.

Didn’t you learn anything the first time?

What does Phil Hughes think he’s good now or something?

How bout dem Spurs!!

I didn’t know Tony Parker was an acrobat, man those French are sneaky.

Serena Williams is so good at tennis it’s offensive.

She beat her semifinal opponent in 6 minutes (it was actually 46 minutes but who’s counting?).

Hey Chris Bosh, you know there’s a basketball game going on that you’re supposed to be a part of right???

Tiger Woods say: See what had happened was, I was going to win, but I decided to be +8 and finish 20 shots back instead.

Watch him turn around and win the U.S. Open next week.

The Miami Marlins are 16-44, they should be removed the the Major’s; permanently.

Whoever put together the brackets for the French Open should be fired.

Novak Djokivic and Rafael Nadal is a great matchup today in the semifinals, but that should clearly be the finals matchup.

And yes, the NHL Playoffs are still going on.

I actually had to look that last one up to verify first.

Wait, people will put their bodies at risk and cheat in order to gain a competitive advantage and in turn make millions of dollars?

NO WAY!

Mmmmmm Donut.

For those of you were not aware, it is National Donut Day.

Yeah that’s right, enjoy!

Aww what happened wittle Webron, were your wittle wegs tired last night?

You better win game 2 Lebron, because if you don’t you will lose this series.

This has been another installment of One Liner Friday’s. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

This is my 2nd post of the day, so make sure you scroll down to read about Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Enjoy!

I just came up with the best headline ever: Arvind Mahankali channels Inner Jew to win 2013 Spelling Bee.

Lebron James is really good at basketball.

The New York Mets have won the World Series!

No, no they didn’t.

They did win 4 games in a row for the first time since World War II though, so that’s certainly something to celebrate.

Really Rutgers, REALLY?

You are more inept than George W Bush trying to spell his own name.

Seriously, how do you hire Julie Hermann?

She cursed your president out and beat up a small child during her interview, but apparently that wasn’t enough to stop you from hiring her.

Astonishing!

Who is watching the 14 straight hours of Women’s College Softball coverage on EVERY ESPN CHANNEL?!?!

Seriously?

So apparently Broadway Joe put the bottle down long enough to talk about the Jets.

Too bad the Jets don’t want to hear him speak.

I said it last week, but let me repeat myself: Floyd Mayweather Jr. will suffer his first professional loss of his career in September against Canelo Alvarez.

Too big, too strong, too young.

Yes, the NHL Playoffs are still going on.

I know, I almost forgot too.

Where oh where has Rory Mcilroy gone?

Chris Anderson (aka Birdman, aka turtleneck tattoo, aka you look like a moron) should have been ejected from Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

It’s a good thing referees have integrity and don’t favor the home team though.

Gordon Gee, oh Gordon Gee, what is wrong with you?

Since when is it okay to run your mouth and say whatever you want no matter how offensive to large groups of people?

Ohhhh, it’s all about the all mighty dollar, how silly of me to think otherwise.

This has been another installment of One Liner Friday’s. If you have any One Liners of your own please leave them below. Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

I just wanted to wish the New York Knicks good luck against the Miami Heat this week.

Oh wait sorry never mind, you have to actually beat the other teams on your schedule first.

You mean things don’t happen just because you say they’re going to??

Sergio, I’m making dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come over?

I’m making Paella!

How bout dem’ Yankees!

Seriously though if the baseball season ended today Mariano Rivera would win the CY Young Award.

Amazing!!

On another serious note Da Bears are finally going to retire Mike Ditka’s number.

Congratulations Ditka!!

“I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down!”

“Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.”

“That Ditka has fists like a small truck.”

If you haven’t seen the movie Kicking and Screaming you should, it’s pretty funny and Mike Ditka is very funny in it.

Miguel Cabrera is really good at baseball.

Just in case you forgot, the NHL Playoffs are going on right now.

I know, it’s wild that you didn’t know that.

(Inside Indiana Pacers huddle before the final play of game 1) Frank Vogel speaking (probably really fast in a funny voice) : Roy Hibbert what are you, uh 7’2″, yea you probably can’t block anyone’s shot you take a seat here next to me, and nobody guard that #6 guy I heard he’s not very good.

How’d that work out for ya?

Heyyyyyyy, the New York Rangers won a hockey game!

Hey Chase Utley’s hurt again, that’s a shocker.

Why do NBA players think it’s okay to dress like this……….

http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1649354-paul-georges-outfit-last-night-was-a-sea-of-microorganisms-and-regret

All of these atrocious outfits in the NBA have inspired me to write a book that will be entitled: Where Have All The Men Gone?

I always set my Sno-Cones down on the bathroom floor at a stadium filled with people.

Then I don’t wash my hands and I sell them.

Word on the street is they were lemon flavor…..mmmmmm yummy!

Hey RG3, can your daddy fight my battles for me too??

I’m glad I’m not Mark Sanchez.

I am really glad I watched The Preakness… NOT!

Can I get a stare down here?

Andre Ethier’s wasn’t bad, but if you want to see the best stare down of all-time check this out :

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTNI85QM4A

You’re awesome Frank Robinson.

I hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of One Liner Fridays. Leave me your best One Liner in the comment section.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

~ Dave Ettinger ~ Leave a comment

This is my 2nd post of the day, so make sure to scroll down to check out my post on the New York Knicks.

Hey Bryce Harper, there’s a wall there, uh somebody should uh move it.

Nick Saban is the devil?

What did somebody hear Saban’s name in a Judas Priest song playing backwards?

Heyyyyyyyy the Knicks won a basketball game.

Gronkowski with a pile driver!

What an idiot!

Don’t be sad Kevin Durant, maybe Lebron James won’t be good next year.

The Yankees are in a familiar place (1st) with unfamiliar faces.

Phil Hughes sucks though.

Joba Chamberlain is lucky that Mariano Rivera is the nicest most classy guy in sports.

If he wasn’t I’m pretty sure Joba would be trying to put his face back together right now.

Tiger Woods never left, he just checked out for a little while, and then he checked in and out and in and out of motels all over the country.

But seriously though, Tiger woods is and always has been the best golfer on the planet.

Nice shot(s) Sergio.

Way to not choke.

Best Free Agent Signing in the NFL in 2013 goes to: Drum Roll Please………….

David Garrard to the New York Jets.

Only the Jets can sign someone and have them retire before they ever play a single snap.

They should resign Tim Tebow to take his roster spot.

Titus Young should write two books.

His first book should be entitled: How to get arrested twice in one day.

Then his follow-up book should be called: Twice wasn’t enough? I can teach you how to get arrested a third time in one week.

Let me be the first to say that if Floyd Mayweather fights Canelo Alvarez, he will suffer his first professional loss.

Hey Beckham, NOBODY CARES!!

I hope you enjoyed this weeks one liners. Let me know what you thought in the comment section below. Thank you for reading.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!