One Liner Friday’s

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Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Ah yes, I must start with Ryan “Put Him In The Dumpster” Dempster.

I figured it out, The Dumpster thinks he is Batman, and felt taking the law into his own hands was perfectly acceptable (“They’ll have to understand, I’m Batman!”).

You know, it’s a shame Dempster had do this, I actually used to like him thanks to his hysterical Harry Caray impression.

Ryan Braun is O.J. Simpson.

Think about it, if you obviously committed a crime and got away with it, wouldn’t you go hide in a cave somewhere and make sure you never repeated such an egregious error again?

Enough of this Preseason nonsense, let’s bring on the real football already!

Are you ready for some fantasy football??

How bout dem’ Yankees!!

They have now won 5 games in a row, and they’re coming for a playoff spot; watch out everybody.

I know A-Rod has helped the team in their latest surge, but for people not to thank Alfonso Soriano for the teams offensive resurgence is ridiculous.

Tiger keeps playing well before and after Majors, hmmmmmm.

Anybody else tired of hearing about Jhonny Manziel?

Oh okay good, it’s not just me, for a second there I thought everyone was enjoying that drivel.

Roger Federer ranked 7th in the U.S. Open?!?!

It’ll be sad to watch him go, but this is the beginning of the end for the best tennis player in the history of the world.

I bet you didn’t know this, or even know who they are, but the Bryan brothers are the Tiger Woods (if you could clone him) of Men’s Doubles in Tennis.

They are twin brothers, and they currently hold the ‘Tiger Slam’ in tennis and will make it the traditional Grand Slam when they win The U.S. Open and hold all 4 Slam titles in the same calendar year.

By the way Ryan Braun, no one wants your stupid fake apology so just shove it somewhere painful.

Clayton Kershaw is one of the best pitchers baseball has ever seen, his e.r.a. this season is 1.72!

Cliff Paul’s twin brother Chris was named the NBA’s new President of the Player’s Union.

I think it’s a solid move (I mean who wouldn’t want a car insurance agent working for them?).

I know I’m repeating myself with this one, but I want everyone to know who predicted Mayweather’s first loss first.

Canelo Alvarez will take down Floyd Mayweather Jr. on September 14th.

Major League Baseball is getting to the exciting part of the year when the rest of you start watching and football is right around the corner, man this time of the year is great.

Enjoy the rest of your summer everyone!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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A-Rod Drama Continues

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Alright sports fans, here we go again! It’s Mid-August, and while pennant races are heating up, the only thing on our minds is what will happen on the next episode of A-Rod TV. The stage for this last installment was none other than Fenway Park. It is the perfect place for this unbelievable story to rise to the next level. The Yankees, have been counted out of the playoff race by most, but like him or not Alex Rodriguez has brought the Yankees back to life in more ways than one. He and the Yankees have found their way back onto the front page of the sports section, and despite popular belief they have found themselves sniffing at the backdoor of the playoffs. We will discuss how The Yankees can make the playoffs later on, but for now let’s get back to the more important issues.

Sunday night, The Red Sox and Yankees faced off in a tiebreaker of a 3-game series, but the actual game quickly became an afterthought. Alex Rodriguez stepped up to the plate to lead off the 2nd inning as The Yankees were already in a 2-0 hole. Ryan Dempster, with the first pitch, decided to send a message by airmailing a pitch just behind his knees. A-Rod shuffled forward, said thank you very much, and made his way back to the batter’s box. With no warnings issued the at bat continued on it’s natural progression. Dempster then came inside with another fastball for ball two. Dempster then came inside AGAIN with yet another fastball for ball three. As if all this fun wasn’t enough for one day, with a 3-0 count, Dempster decided to plunk A-Rod right in the back. A-Rod turned and glared at Dempster and along with The Yankee’s trainer, walked down to first base. Now before I continue, I want to point out something the one and only Michael Kaye brought up on his radio show last week. Following the decision by MLB to expand the use of instant replay, Michael Kaye was worried about losing a part of the game that he personally enjoyed; The Manager-Umpire argument. He stated how much he enjoyed the old school manager mentality of getting right up in an umpire’s face and giving them a piece of their mind. He thought with the use of instant replay to remove human error (while Kaye supports replay for the sake of the quality of the game) the game would miss the kicking of dirt by a manager after a blown call. He went on to cite Joe Girardi as an example. He said that he would miss Joe Girardi storming out on to the field with his target locked on to an umpire and his vein pulsating from the side of his head. Well, Michael, last night you got your wish. Immediately following the pitch heard ’round the world, both benches were warned by the home plate umpire, and Girardi immediately stormed out to politely inquire about what was going through Brian O-Nora’s mind. No, seriously, Girardi went ballistic on O’Nora (rightfully so). Girardi, while absolutely right in his argument, was ejected from the game for arguing with the umpire. Both benches and bullpens had briefly cleared, but returned to their respective burrows without an altercation.

Now anyone with two eyes that function properly could see and understand that Ryan Dempster hit Alex Rodriguez on purpose. Dempster absolutely should have been ejected from the game instantaneously. I mean, he did throw at him three times before finally hitting him. I personally find it hilarious, and the moral of the story for me is simply how bad Dempster’s aim is. Maybe that’s why his e.r.a. is almost 5.00 (4.77 if you were wondering). However, following the game, the political responses that make baseball the blatantly obvious façade that it is ensued. Let’s start with Red Sox head coach John Farrell. He was asked in his post-game press conference if Dempster hit A-Rod on purpose. He candidly responded, I don’t know that he hit him in purpose (or something to that affect). Dempster stated that he was just trying to establish his inside fastball. Excuse me while we take a quick intermission, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (that’s me laughing off-air while I accidentally leave my microphone on and the audience get’s to hear my honest opinion). Oh yeah, way to establish your inside fastball behind him and in A-Rod’s ribcage. Listen, I dislike A-Rod the baseball player as much as the next guy, but this is not how you do it on the baseball field. You don’t take it upon yourself to plunk a guy to send a message in the 2nd inning of an important game. If Dempster had been rightfully ejected, the Red Sox bullpen would have been put in a precarious situation. And more importantly, when you miss him with the first pitch, let that be your message and move on with he game. Now, last but not least, let’s get to the ultimate politician, A-Rod. On the field just after the end of the game, Buster Olney caught up with A-Rod for a quick interview. I want to analyze his responses one by one to illustrate just how intelligent this evil genius is. First, Buster asked him how what he thought about winning this big game. A-Rod responded by saying it was huge and that The Red Sox have such a great team over there and they’ve had a great season all year long. Translation: The Red Sox have a good record, but essentially today was the beginning of the end of the 2013 Red Sox. He then proceeded to say that they are gathering their goups and now that they are scoring runs on a regular basis, everyone else should watch out. He was then asked about having a pitch thrown behind him and then being hit by a pitch in the same at bat. To that he slyly replied, well that was a bit odd and that was a weird situation. Next he added that the game has a way of policing itself. Translation: We are going to hit one of their best players on the first try the next time we get a chance. Buster also asked him what he said to Dempster as it appeared that A-Rod mouthed something in his direction following the incident. You know how you know you’re a good liar? When there is proof of something on video tape, and you still stand there and deny it. That’s how you know you’re good. I believe Shaggy said it best, “It wasn’t me.” He then went on to tell the truth for the first and only time in the entire interview. He spoke about the home run and how he got a fastball right down the middle and sent it back to where it came from. He also said that no matter what is going on around him, the main focus is and always has been winning baseball games and getting to the postseason. He also pointed out that he has great teammates and a great manager that have always supported him. Believe it or not, that part is also true. Joe Girardi’s actions and Bret Gardner’s words are proof of that. Gardner said that he doesn’t know how he would feel (about A-Rod, who else?) if he was on another team, but he is on this team and he supports everyone of his teammates to the best of his ability. And here is where A-Rod lost me completely. He said he has faith in God to get him through all the trials and tribulations that surround him everyday. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone has the right to believe in whatever faith, religion, culture, and lifestyle they want, but did A-Rod really need to take it there? He used God as a springboard to say that despite all the boos he has a lot of people in his corner supporting and praying for him throughout this whole situation. Yup, you’re right, you’re the victim. Why didn’t we all realize that a little sooner? What he’s really saying is, I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of me, I’m very rich and I’m happy! Lastly in response to the boos, he basically said I take boos on the road as a compliment. Which brings me to a saying that I believe in, “they don’t boo nobodies.” To summarize this entire interview I will say one thing: if A-Rod ran for Mayor, Governor, or anything in political office I would vote for him.

After all the nonsense in the game quieted down, A-Rod exacted his revenge on the field. As I referenced in the interview, A-Rod took a fastball and crushed it to dead center. If you were watching the game live, you knew that the second he hit the ball and you heard the beautiful crack of the bat; the ball was long gone. He got fired up as he rounded the bases, mouthing some obscenities, and that plus the Girardi ejection seemed to fire up The Yankees squad. They went on to win the game 9-6 and take the 3-game series two games to one. With A-Rods’s solid play of late, Granderson’s return, and Alfonso Soriano’s lights out performance thus far, The Yankees have a realistic shot of sneaking into the final wild card spot in the American League. While they appear that they can win enough games to make the playoffs, they would still need help from the teams currently ahead of them. Let me list these teams, and you tell me if you think they can outplay their American League foes. The Yankees are chasing at the coattails of the Baltimore Orioles, The Cleveland Indians, and The Oakland Athletics. How do you say not worried, not worried, and definitely not worried? All The Yankees need to do is take A-Rod’s advice (hahahaha), and keep their main focus on winning baseball games and making it to the postseason. If The Yankees can and will make the playoffs this season is yet to be seen, but you can be certain that there will be more drama to unfold each day on A-Rod TV. I mean, Brain Cashman, The General Manager of The Yankees, actually said he doesn’t feel comfortable speaking to A-Rod because of lawsuits that could ensue. Now if that isn’t awesome drama I don’t know what is!! Enjoy!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

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Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Fridays. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey Jason Dufner, you just won your 1st Major, The PGA Championship, you can smile now.

Have you ever seen a more emotionless man in the entire world??

Man, the most emotion he showed was in the butt slap he gave his wife right after he won the tournament (awesome).

Sound the alarm, call the National Guard, alert the President, Tom Brady stubbed his toe!!

I’ll have whatever Alfonso Soriano is having.

I still don’t understand why the Jets are being talked about, they are going to be the worst team in the NFL this season.

However, everyone is missing the point (as usual) with Rex Ryan’s “brutal” comment about Geno Smith.

Rex obviously knows he’s on the hot seat (his ass might as well be on fire), and the only way to save his job is to stick with ‘his guy’ in Sanchez and go down with the ship.

It’s partly his pride for sticking with Sanchez, but if Sanchez magically figures it out maybe Rex is employed come next August (he figures there’s no way he can win anything with a rookie).

Hey Tiger, the fairway’s that way
——————->!!

Who’s pumped for football??

Hey RG3, do you mind if we create a controversy between you and your coach out of absolutely nothing?

Heyyyy, Major League Baseball finally threw out their black and white TV, took their corn cob pipe out of their mouths, sold their transistor radio, and has decided to join us in the 21st century.

For those of you who don’t know, MLB will be instituting instant replay in the near future.

The format for manager challenges is not even close to the right way to do this, but it is a step in the right direction.

Are there enough of you out there watching baseball to realize how unbelievable of a season Miguel Cabrera is having?

He won the Triple Crown last year, and he is putting that season to shame (enjoy history).

Clayton Kershaw = Beast!

Greg Jennings needs shut his trap, running his mouth about a former teammate who just happens to be the best quarterback in the league is nota good idea.

Remember when Don Mattingly was almost fired and then the Dodgers went 40-8 over their next 48 games??

Say thank you to Yasiel.

And finally, I know some of you were worried but yes, Johnny Manziel is still an idiot.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

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Hello and welcome back to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey what do you know, Bill Belichick does have a heart.

I was actually starting to wonder if he was a robot.

Has anyone seen that picture of Tyson Chandler in a pair of shorts?

Forget one line, I have one word for Tyson Chandler : SQUATS!

I know virtually no one has noticed, but we must be in bizarro world because the U.S. Men’s Soccer team has won 9 games in a row!

Dear Derek Rose, I love the confidence, but you must be high as a kite to say that you are the best player in the NBA.

We all know you didn’t play any games last year, but apparently you didn’t watch any games either.

The Hefty Lefty shot a remarkable final round 66 to win the Open Championship, I’m just glad there were no tents in his way this year.

From now on, I think Tiger Woods should wear Pink on Sundays.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about A-Rod?

Here, I will be taking a stand against the meaningless A-Rod drivel that everyone else is pushing.

I will give you one last line: he cheated and lied, but he’s clearly The Yankees best option at 3rd base so play him until he gets suspended.

Isn’t it sad though that The Yankees are going to rely on Alfonso Soriano to be their savior?

Wait a minute, Alfonso Soriano, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Mariano Rivera, where is Chuck Knoblauch when you need him?

Lebron left his city, now he’s turning his back on his own country, what’s next? (Maybe he’ll move to Canada)

Ryan Braun bet his life and he’s still alive and Aaron Rodgers bet his salary and he’s still living large, let’s bring out the electric chair so we can move on with our day. #welchonabet

Matt Ryan gets paid!!!!!!

Apparently winning 1 career playoff game is the new benchmark for a $100 million dollar contract.

So big hits at the college level are now cause for ejection, I’m glad the NCAA is attempting to completely ruin another aspect of their game, what a shocker.

They might as well put tutu’s on these guys and let them hit each other with pillows.

Football is a violent sport, let’s leave it that way!!

Speaking of football, Jaws must be sharing Derek Rose’s stash if he thinks Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are both better than Drew Brees.

On a serious note: I feel horrible for Tim Hudson, who over the past 15 years has been one of the most solid and consistent pitchers in all of baseball.

I feel really bad that he got injured the way he did, and I hope he is able to return to form and pitch in the Major League’s again.

The Mets are not just ruining their own players careers, but have now figured out how to ruin their opponents careers too.

Jaromir Jagr was born during World War II, and he is still playing in the NHL; amazing.

With the start of training camp it’s time to get excited about football, but I think it’s cute that Jets fans are actually convinced that they can win 9 games this year.

4 spot, if they’re lucky.

Have a nice weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!