It’s OK To Hate The Houston Astros

My brain hurts.

Normally, I’d call that Tuesday, but I’ll blame 2004 for today’s headache. ON THIS DATE, 16 years ago, I was roaming the halls of my dorm at UMass with a broom (I had “borrowed”) from a random janitor’s closet. The New York Yankees held a 3-0 lead over the Boston Red Sox in the ALCS, I was decked out in my A-Rod jersey, and I was constantly 2.5 seconds away from an ass-kicking from any one of the 20,000 Mass-Hole, Red Sox fans that inhabited said University.

Despite the imminent danger I was putting myself in, I was overjoyed that the Yankees would be playing in another World Series.

Being able to rub it in the faces of so many Sawks fans was icing on the cake.

Then, Dave Roberts happened, and David Ortiz happened, and the rest is…you know the saying.

Sooo, Friday night, with a 7-4 victory, the Houston Astros joined the 2004 Boston Red Sox as the only teams in Major League Baseball history to force a game 7 after trailing 0-3 in a postseason series. I’m not going to waste time, or mince my words…

I HATE THE HOUSTON ASTROS!!

And I’m here to tell you it’s okay for you to hate them too. Don’t feel bad. They deserve your vitriol. You can’t just cheat your way to a championship, put on a sad, puppy-dog face, and expect everyone to feel bad for you. Then, when people remind you that you’re an asshole, act like the victim.

And while I’d gladly headbutt Jose Altuve, Alex Bregman, or any other Houston Astros’ player within a head’s length, 99.9% of this diatribe is directed at Carlos Correa.

See, some people are just born with a punchable face. *Yes, 36-year old man, living in his mother’s basement, I’m aware punchable isn’t a word. Now, shut up, and keep reading.* Enter Carlos Correa. As talented as they come, wildly underachieving so far in his six-year career, there’s just something about Correa’s face you want to see in front of a Mike Tyson, in his prime, right-uppercut.

As a Yankees’ fan, it should be sacrilegious to root for the division rival Tampa Bay Rays, but I have been for the better part of a week now. And Saturday night will be no different (there may be some scotch involved this time though).

Do you hate the Houston Astros as much as I do?? Are you even watching the MLB Postseason?? If not, who do you hate?!

Tell me in the comment section below.