One Liner Friday’s

big mo

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. After a 3 week break, I’m back!! Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in One Line and One Line only. Enjoy!!

All I have to say about the Jacksonville Jaguars idea to give any fans who purchase tickets to their game this weekend 2 free beers is: MMMMMMMMMMM BEER.

And, where can I buy some Jag’s tickets?

I wish everyone would understand that this 10 year/$305 million number Robinson Cano is “asking” for is just a bunch of white smoke.

No one is going to give him more than 7 years/$196 million (which is still absurd but it’s quite a bit less then $305), I mean the guy literally walks to 1st base on groundballs.

Hey Jay-Z, I know you like money because it ain’t a thang but stop trying to steamroll The Yankees and let’s get real.

Speaking of The Yankees, let’s get serious.

Thursday night marked the last time the best closer of all-time, Mariano Rivera, would ever step foot on the mound in Yankees Stadium.

His career is unparalleled and is one of the finest human beings to ever play the game of baseball.

Good luck filling those shoes David Robertson.

Andy Pettite is also hangin ’em up after this season, making his final start this weekend in Houston.

He had a very solid career and will be missed in the Yankees organization as well.

Let me preface the next few statements by saying I Love The New York Jets.

But, they are NOT as good as everyone thinks.

I repeat, they are not very good.

The Defense is very good, but this is still a 6 or 7 win team at best, and for people to think they are going to make the playoffs all of a sudden because they are 2-1 is RIDICULOUS!!

Oh they beat The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and The Buffalo Bills, both at home, yeah you’re right they’re great what was I thinking?!?!

Is it awkward for The Sacramento Kings organization to have Shaquille O’ Neal be part owner now considering he called them The Sacramento Queens back in the day??

I hate Floyd Mayweather Jr. with a passion!!

But, he is the best in the world right now, so you gotta give him credit where it’s due.

Bye Bye Bud Selig, you will not be missed.

I think he wanted to retire before Major League Baseball’s squeaky clean name got tied to Steroids, haha.

RG3 says he doesn’t know how to slide, and to that I say: What are you retarded?

Way to grow some cojones Carlos Gomez!!

I mean Brian McCann would have kicked your ass, but at least you didn’t back down or hide behind an umpire in a scrum like Chris Johnson.

Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant don’t have real beef with each other, rather they are in cahoots in some major marketing scheme….just wait and see.

So The New York Knicks and Brooklyn Nets are going to split the 2015 All-Star Game Festivities right down the middle???

Yeah, nothing says heated rivalry like a little sharing.

Have you ever seen someone take a bigger beating in a victory before in your life?

Don’t know what I’m talking about just see exhibit A: UFC Champion Jon Jones’ face after defeating Alexander Gustafsson.

jon jones

Someone let The New York Football Giants know what time their game is this week because I don’t think they knew last week; that’s why they didn’t show up!

Ouch!

Have you ever watched (or not watched) a more pathetic display of football in your life?

Maybe they’ll put forth a better effort in Kansas City this week….eh probably not.

Yeah, we believe you Colin Kaepernick when you say you don’t care what anybody has to say about you.

So is that why you SAVED AND FAVORTIED all of your hate tweets online last week?

Idiot.

Well, this has been another edition of One Liner Friday’s. I hope you enjoyed them!! If you have your own One Liner’s you want to leave me, please write them in the comment section below. Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

20130816-053208.jpg

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Fridays. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey Jason Dufner, you just won your 1st Major, The PGA Championship, you can smile now.

Have you ever seen a more emotionless man in the entire world??

Man, the most emotion he showed was in the butt slap he gave his wife right after he won the tournament (awesome).

Sound the alarm, call the National Guard, alert the President, Tom Brady stubbed his toe!!

I’ll have whatever Alfonso Soriano is having.

I still don’t understand why the Jets are being talked about, they are going to be the worst team in the NFL this season.

However, everyone is missing the point (as usual) with Rex Ryan’s “brutal” comment about Geno Smith.

Rex obviously knows he’s on the hot seat (his ass might as well be on fire), and the only way to save his job is to stick with ‘his guy’ in Sanchez and go down with the ship.

It’s partly his pride for sticking with Sanchez, but if Sanchez magically figures it out maybe Rex is employed come next August (he figures there’s no way he can win anything with a rookie).

Hey Tiger, the fairway’s that way
——————->!!

Who’s pumped for football??

Hey RG3, do you mind if we create a controversy between you and your coach out of absolutely nothing?

Heyyyy, Major League Baseball finally threw out their black and white TV, took their corn cob pipe out of their mouths, sold their transistor radio, and has decided to join us in the 21st century.

For those of you who don’t know, MLB will be instituting instant replay in the near future.

The format for manager challenges is not even close to the right way to do this, but it is a step in the right direction.

Are there enough of you out there watching baseball to realize how unbelievable of a season Miguel Cabrera is having?

He won the Triple Crown last year, and he is putting that season to shame (enjoy history).

Clayton Kershaw = Beast!

Greg Jennings needs shut his trap, running his mouth about a former teammate who just happens to be the best quarterback in the league is nota good idea.

Remember when Don Mattingly was almost fired and then the Dodgers went 40-8 over their next 48 games??

Say thank you to Yasiel.

And finally, I know some of you were worried but yes, Johnny Manziel is still an idiot.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

I just wanted to wish the New York Knicks good luck against the Miami Heat this week.

Oh wait sorry never mind, you have to actually beat the other teams on your schedule first.

You mean things don’t happen just because you say they’re going to??

Sergio, I’m making dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come over?

I’m making Paella!

How bout dem’ Yankees!

Seriously though if the baseball season ended today Mariano Rivera would win the CY Young Award.

Amazing!!

On another serious note Da Bears are finally going to retire Mike Ditka’s number.

Congratulations Ditka!!

“I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down!”

“Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.”

“That Ditka has fists like a small truck.”

If you haven’t seen the movie Kicking and Screaming you should, it’s pretty funny and Mike Ditka is very funny in it.

Miguel Cabrera is really good at baseball.

Just in case you forgot, the NHL Playoffs are going on right now.

I know, it’s wild that you didn’t know that.

(Inside Indiana Pacers huddle before the final play of game 1) Frank Vogel speaking (probably really fast in a funny voice) : Roy Hibbert what are you, uh 7’2″, yea you probably can’t block anyone’s shot you take a seat here next to me, and nobody guard that #6 guy I heard he’s not very good.

How’d that work out for ya?

Heyyyyyyy, the New York Rangers won a hockey game!

Hey Chase Utley’s hurt again, that’s a shocker.

Why do NBA players think it’s okay to dress like this……….

http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1649354-paul-georges-outfit-last-night-was-a-sea-of-microorganisms-and-regret

All of these atrocious outfits in the NBA have inspired me to write a book that will be entitled: Where Have All The Men Gone?

I always set my Sno-Cones down on the bathroom floor at a stadium filled with people.

Then I don’t wash my hands and I sell them.

Word on the street is they were lemon flavor…..mmmmmm yummy!

Hey RG3, can your daddy fight my battles for me too??

I’m glad I’m not Mark Sanchez.

I am really glad I watched The Preakness… NOT!

Can I get a stare down here?

Andre Ethier’s wasn’t bad, but if you want to see the best stare down of all-time check this out :

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTNI85QM4A

You’re awesome Frank Robinson.

I hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of One Liner Fridays. Leave me your best One Liner in the comment section.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!