One Liner Friday’s

If winning Coach of the Year doesn’t guarantee your employment, what the hell does??

Sorry George Karl, but if you never raise people’s expectations too high they’ll never be too disappointed.

A-Rod, A-Rod, A-Rod how I loathe thee.

A-Rod has to be the dumbest guy in the world to think he was going to get away with cheating.

Didn’t you learn anything the first time?

What does Phil Hughes think he’s good now or something?

How bout dem Spurs!!

I didn’t know Tony Parker was an acrobat, man those French are sneaky.

Serena Williams is so good at tennis it’s offensive.

She beat her semifinal opponent in 6 minutes (it was actually 46 minutes but who’s counting?).

Hey Chris Bosh, you know there’s a basketball game going on that you’re supposed to be a part of right???

Tiger Woods say: See what had happened was, I was going to win, but I decided to be +8 and finish 20 shots back instead.

Watch him turn around and win the U.S. Open next week.

The Miami Marlins are 16-44, they should be removed the the Major’s; permanently.

Whoever put together the brackets for the French Open should be fired.

Novak Djokivic and Rafael Nadal is a great matchup today in the semifinals, but that should clearly be the finals matchup.

And yes, the NHL Playoffs are still going on.

I actually had to look that last one up to verify first.

Wait, people will put their bodies at risk and cheat in order to gain a competitive advantage and in turn make millions of dollars?

NO WAY!

Mmmmmm Donut.

For those of you were not aware, it is National Donut Day.

Yeah that’s right, enjoy!

Aww what happened wittle Webron, were your wittle wegs tired last night?

You better win game 2 Lebron, because if you don’t you will lose this series.

This has been another installment of One Liner Friday’s. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

This is my 2nd post of the day, so make sure you scroll down to read about Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Enjoy!

I just came up with the best headline ever: Arvind Mahankali channels Inner Jew to win 2013 Spelling Bee.

Lebron James is really good at basketball.

The New York Mets have won the World Series!

No, no they didn’t.

They did win 4 games in a row for the first time since World War II though, so that’s certainly something to celebrate.

Really Rutgers, REALLY?

You are more inept than George W Bush trying to spell his own name.

Seriously, how do you hire Julie Hermann?

She cursed your president out and beat up a small child during her interview, but apparently that wasn’t enough to stop you from hiring her.

Astonishing!

Who is watching the 14 straight hours of Women’s College Softball coverage on EVERY ESPN CHANNEL?!?!

Seriously?

So apparently Broadway Joe put the bottle down long enough to talk about the Jets.

Too bad the Jets don’t want to hear him speak.

I said it last week, but let me repeat myself: Floyd Mayweather Jr. will suffer his first professional loss of his career in September against Canelo Alvarez.

Too big, too strong, too young.

Yes, the NHL Playoffs are still going on.

I know, I almost forgot too.

Where oh where has Rory Mcilroy gone?

Chris Anderson (aka Birdman, aka turtleneck tattoo, aka you look like a moron) should have been ejected from Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

It’s a good thing referees have integrity and don’t favor the home team though.

Gordon Gee, oh Gordon Gee, what is wrong with you?

Since when is it okay to run your mouth and say whatever you want no matter how offensive to large groups of people?

Ohhhh, it’s all about the all mighty dollar, how silly of me to think otherwise.

This has been another installment of One Liner Friday’s. If you have any One Liners of your own please leave them below. Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

I just wanted to wish the New York Knicks good luck against the Miami Heat this week.

Oh wait sorry never mind, you have to actually beat the other teams on your schedule first.

You mean things don’t happen just because you say they’re going to??

Sergio, I’m making dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come over?

I’m making Paella!

How bout dem’ Yankees!

Seriously though if the baseball season ended today Mariano Rivera would win the CY Young Award.

Amazing!!

On another serious note Da Bears are finally going to retire Mike Ditka’s number.

Congratulations Ditka!!

“I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down!”

“Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.”

“That Ditka has fists like a small truck.”

If you haven’t seen the movie Kicking and Screaming you should, it’s pretty funny and Mike Ditka is very funny in it.

Miguel Cabrera is really good at baseball.

Just in case you forgot, the NHL Playoffs are going on right now.

I know, it’s wild that you didn’t know that.

(Inside Indiana Pacers huddle before the final play of game 1) Frank Vogel speaking (probably really fast in a funny voice) : Roy Hibbert what are you, uh 7’2″, yea you probably can’t block anyone’s shot you take a seat here next to me, and nobody guard that #6 guy I heard he’s not very good.

How’d that work out for ya?

Heyyyyyyy, the New York Rangers won a hockey game!

Hey Chase Utley’s hurt again, that’s a shocker.

Why do NBA players think it’s okay to dress like this……….

http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1649354-paul-georges-outfit-last-night-was-a-sea-of-microorganisms-and-regret

All of these atrocious outfits in the NBA have inspired me to write a book that will be entitled: Where Have All The Men Gone?

I always set my Sno-Cones down on the bathroom floor at a stadium filled with people.

Then I don’t wash my hands and I sell them.

Word on the street is they were lemon flavor…..mmmmmm yummy!

Hey RG3, can your daddy fight my battles for me too??

I’m glad I’m not Mark Sanchez.

I am really glad I watched The Preakness… NOT!

Can I get a stare down here?

Andre Ethier’s wasn’t bad, but if you want to see the best stare down of all-time check this out :

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTNI85QM4A

You’re awesome Frank Robinson.

I hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of One Liner Fridays. Leave me your best One Liner in the comment section.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Hi, My Name Is Sergio Garcia And I’m A Racist

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I’m going to get straight to the point because I don’t want to talk about Sergio Garcia. I don’t want to put his name out in the atmosphere anymore, however he needs to be put in his place. For those of you who don’t know what happened; listen up! Sergio Garcia has been running his mouth all over town about Tiger Woods, and nobody (especially Tiger himself) really cares what he has to say. So, Tuesday evening Sergio Garcia was jokingly asked if he was going to invite Tiger Woods to dinner during the U.S. Open? Sergio intelligently responded, “We will have him round every night. We will serve fried chicken.” Really Sergio? REALLY?!?!? I completely understand why Sergio continues to run his mouth. He clearly wants to stay in the limelight because his golf game obviously hasn’t gotten him anywhere. And who better to associate yourself with than Tiger Woods? The only problem is that this is a one-way conversation being held by Sergio and Sergio alone. I want to give Sergio some advice: spend more time on the putting green and less time stirring up make believe controversies. Then maybe his name would be brought up for something productive rather than some caveman nonsense.

Now, let me get back to the issue at hand. Clearly Sergio Garcia is showing his true colors. He is clearly still upset that he didn’t beat Tiger 14 years ago, and he’s upset he’s never beat him (by the way, he is NEVER going to beat him). The problem is that Garcia crossed the line. He has gone so far past the line he can’t even see the line anymore. The line is a dot to him. Any FRIENDS fans out there?? Seriously though, how could a person say something SO offensive in this day and age? And then pretend that he didn’t know it was offensive to black people? Sergio Garcia gets an NFL style Come On Man for that one. Sergio doesn’t need to apologize, he needs to crawl into a hole somewhere and sew his mouth shut for a while. What I’m mostly surprised about is that there aren’t a great number of people making a big deal out of this. I figured there would be a huge uproar over a senseless comment like this but it has been minimal. Tiger himself pretty much brushed it off the same way he’s brushed Sergio off the past couple of weeks. You know that gnat that is intent on following you around the park all day? Yeah. This is a non-factor attempting to re-rent his 15 minutes of fame for the 18th time. We are all tired of you and you’re stupid mouth Sergio, so please shut it.

Sincerely,

The Whole World

The End

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

I’m comin for that #1 spot!

So I decided to hop in my airplane and airlift a tiger to the jungle. I dropped the tiger right into a lion’s den, and guess what happened? Let’s just say the Lion isn’t the king of the jungle anymore. Still haven’t figured out what I’m talking about? That’s okay, I’ll tell you. Tiger Woods is the most dominant golfer the sport has ever seen. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (sorry old timers). Everyone else who doesn’t understand his greatness can now join me in amazement. What I’m saying (and have been saying for two years now) is that Tiger Woods is and has always been the same Tiger Woods we grew to know years ago. He hasn’t changed, we just think we got to know him a little better. He is still the intimidating force that we have all been scared of. Don’t you have nightmares about red shirts? No? Just me? Hmmm, weird. Anyway, for those of you who don’t know, Tiger woods won the Arnold Palmer Invitational on Monday (yes on Monday). With this win, Tiger leapfrogged his way back to the #1 golf ranking in the world, and let me just say that this victory didn’t come without any obstacles. On Sunday, Tiger rolled in a putt on the 2nd hole right before the skies opened up and dumped torrential downpour on the course and brought about 60 mph winds. Play had to be suspended until Monday. After all that, he showed good poise and won the tournament by two strokes as he shot a final round 70. Tiger is starting to get used to playing on Monday (he might have to find a new color for his Monday shirts soon). As for his 2013 season he is on a tear and has now won 3 of his first 5 tournaments and two tournaments in a row. And guess where Tiger’s going to be on April 11th. That’s right, The Masters!! Tiger kind of knows a little bit about winning at Augusta, and as I wrote weeks ago, that is exactly what he is going to do. He is going to win a third straight tournament (which is RIDICULOUS by human standards), and his 5th green jacket. He will take one step closer to Jack’s unbelievable record of 18 majors, and one step closer to the indisputable rank of best golfer in the history of the world (I think he’s there already, but I’ll leave that up for debate). Is Tiger the best golfer that has ever lived? Tiger Woods at the top of the golf food chain is great for him, it’s great for fans, and it’s especially great for golf. People only watch golf to watch Tiger Woods play. They don’t tune in to watch Bubba Watson and Luke Donald duke it out. And they certainly don’t want to watch Tiger come in 11th place. They want to watch him crush his opponents on a Sunday afternoon. And that’s what he is going to continue to do. I’d say welcome back, but I never thought you left. Tune in to the best tournament of the year (bar none), The Masters, on April 11th on either CBS or ESPN. It truly is “A Tradition Unlike Any Other”.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Tigah Tigah Woods Y’all

After the fog lifted from Torrey Pines and Tiger Woods won for his 8th time there, has the fog finally lifted from Tiger Woods recent struggles?  Which Tiger Woods are we going to see in 2013?  Let’s see if we can shed some light on these valid questions.  Tiger Woods won his 75th PGA Tournament(2nd All-Time) on Monday and showed flashes of his former self in the process.  While he did shoot a pedestrian even par(72) in his final round, he comfortably won The Farmers Insurance Open by 4 strokes.  Come Tuesday morning there was definitely talk of how well Tiger played, and what we should expect to see out of him this season.  However, it didn’t seem like we were overloaded with the Tiger Talk we’ve grown accustomed to.  Now maybe it’s because we’re all gearing up for the Super Bowl or more likely it’s because 90% of “golf fans” don’t watch unless 1 of the 4 majors are on TV.  In that regard, golf is a sport like tennis.  It doesn’t really carry casual fans.  It’s not like Football where every game matters and you have instant action on every play.  It was also the first real tournament of a nearly 10 month season.  With that being said, Tiger Woods is usually the only reason people watch golf.  You can hate Tiger Woods the man, (like most of us do) but as a golfer we all root for him, let’s be honest.  I know I root for him when he’s on the golf course.  We want to watch history being made right in front of our eyes, and that’s OK.  Stop fighting yourself and just appreciate what Tiger Woods can still accomplish on a golf course.  By his own standards, yes Tiger had a down year in 2012, but let’s put this “down year” in perspective.  The guy still won 3 out of the 19 tournaments he played in.  By the way, how nice would it be to only have to work 19 weeks out of the year?  Poor Bastard.  Back to the point, there are amazing golfers out there that would give their left arm to win 3 professional golf tournaments in their LIFETIME.  That’s how difficult it is to win a golf tournament on the professional tour.  So yes compared to the Tiger of 2000 where he won 9 out of 20 tournaments and 3 majors, and was on his way to the “Tiger Slam”, Tiger had a down year in 2012.  But compared to the rest of us, he was still spectacular.  So what can we expect from Tiger this year?  A tough question that even I’m not completely sure of a confident answer yet.  I know that I want him to win a handful of tournaments and a major, and I definitely know that the networks and golf itself need him to play well.  People aren’t plopping themselves in front of the tube on a beautiful Sunday in June to watch Bubba Watson and Keegan Bradley battle it out.  Let me take time out your regularly scheduled program to give a quick shout-out to The Wheatley Hills Golf Club in East Williston, where I was raised.  This is one of the courses Keegan Bradley called home while attending St. Johns University since they didn’t have their own course on campus.  Now back to El Tigre(that’s spanish for The Tiger).  So, from a ratings standpoint and for the interest level of golf fans everywhere, we are pulling for you Tiger.  Tiger’s golf game though, like everybody’s is not perfect.  Here is a snapshot of Tigers troubles in 2012.  He stands to improve on his driving accuracy(where he ranked 55th) and his approach shots from between 75 and 150 yards.  I bet you’ll be surprised to learn that in 2012 he ranked a dismal 117th in Greens In Regulation between those distances.  That statistic is slightly deceiving considering in total Greens In Regulation, he ranked 29th.  Now Tiger always lived with his accuracy issues off the tee(in 2000 he ranked 54th and 2006 he ranked 139th).  Those are arguably the two best seasons of his career.  However, when he’s piling up wins and expanding the size of his trophy case, he’s got the putter working and mentally he’s got his head in the game.  Golf more than any other sport is a mental challenge.  It is the only sport where you are competing against yourself, so you become your biggest obstacle.  You know what the biggest difference is between the guy who heads into Sunday with the lead and crumbles(cough, Lee Westwood, cough), and Tiger Woods?  Mental toughness!  When things start to go awry on the course, you need to clear your head and move on to the next shot.  I’ve seen a lot of guys unravel right before my eyes because they let one errant shot turn into two and then it’s like rolling a snowball down a mountain.  I mean no disrespect to Lee Westwood by the way.  He is the #8 ranked golfer in the world, his career earnings are approximately 36 Million Dollars(insert Dr. Evil Voice here), you’ve probably heard of him, but he only has 2 PGA victories, and 0 majors.  Just as a reminder Tiger Woods has 75 tour victories and 14 majors.  What Tiger has also done better than any other golfer in the history of the sport, is intimidate his opponents.  Back in the day, other golfers used to fear him!  They would find themselves watching him win with the rest of us rather than believe they actually had a chance to defeat him.  If Tiger wants to get back to his old self, he’ll need to start doing these things once again.  I think that Tiger should focus mostly on the mental aspects of his game and his sheer intimidation over his peers.  This will be a recipe for success.  As we’ve seen in recent past in major tournaments, it’s not the guy making up ground that wins, it’s the guy who remains steady and keeps his head above water.  With this mentality, I believe that Tiger can cause his opponents to once again falter on Sundays in 2013 just the way he did in the beginning of his career.  Let me attach some numbers to my predictions.  I believe that if healthy for the entire year, Tiger Woods will win 4 tournaments and 1 major.  Of course he has the ability to win 3 majors and 9 tournaments again, I mean he still is Tiger Woods.  But, I don’t see a year worse than last year.  Even at his worst I still think he’s a top 10 golfer in the world.