One Liner Friday’s

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Hello everyone and welcome to another stellar edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I’d say Ron Metta Artest World Peace should say bye bye to LaLa Land, but clearly he has a permanent residence there.

Seriously though, the Knicks should sign him since he’s the gritty type of player they need.

As long as he promises not to eat anyone’s face than it will be a good pickup.

Why does everyone keep telling me how clean cut and ‘proper’ the Patriots franchise is?

The Patriots cornerback (Alfonzo Dennard) who was just arrested for the second time (for a DUI this time), was drafted by the Patriots just a week AFTER he was arrested for assaulting an officer.

What in the wild world of all things that are holy is Ilya Kovalchuk thinking?

This man just retired from the NHL at the age of 30 and left $77 million on the table (yeah I’m sure he won’t regret that move down the road).

Speaking of Russians, The Brooklyn Nets signed wild hair-do man Andrei Kirilenko to a 2 year $6 million contract.

It’s official, the Net’s are no longer “making splashes”, they’re flat out doing cannonballs in the middle of the pool.

By the way, The Nets Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov is obviously going to buy fellow Russian Andrei Kirilenko an extra special Christmas present this year considering he left about $7 million on the table in free agency.

I’m just saying.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are the next victims of the I think Andrew Bynum can play basketball movement.

Man, it’s going to be embarrassing when Major League Baseball tries to suspend players again, and they come back with a handful of lint, again.

I don’t care what his MRI says, The Yankees brought Derek Jeter back too early, again.

You heard it here first, Miguel Cabrera will win back to back Triple Crown’s this year.

Yasiel Puig not being an All-Star makes about as much sense as an Interstate Highway in Hawaii (they really have those).

Dwight Howard to the Rockets?

So he wants to continue NOT filling the shoes of the game’s all-time great centers?

Want the list?

You got it: Shaquille O’Neal, George Mikan, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and now Hakeem Olajuwon.

Yeah, that shouldn’t tarnish your already sterling legacy.

You all realize that Anderson Silva still believes he won that fight on Saturday night right?

How happy does it make you to watch someone so cocky and so full of themselves get knocked the bleep out?

If you haven’t seen it just click here:

Who knew you could be fat and still win Wimbledon?

Apparently, Marion Bartoli was the only person who possessed such knowledge.

Andy Murray wins his first Wimbledon and then proceeds to high five and hug like 85 people before forgetting to acknowledge his own mother.

Way to man up with those bulls Rex Ryan.

I’ve never seen Rex move that fast before, he looked like a cheetah chasing down his prey the way he skyrocketed up that fence.

Nice face Nick Swisher.

How about you do your job that you get paid millions for and trot down to first base there chief.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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One Liners Part II

“So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye”….Bye bye Mr. Tebow, it was absolutely no fun while it lasted (enjoy the Arena League).

I’m glad to see Dwight Howard has made strides toward maturity at the ripe old age of 27.

J.R. Smith should team up with Dwight to teach immature youth groups.

Trivia Question: Which takes longer, the NFL Draft or the first round of the NBA playoffs?

Well, the Milwaukee Bucks are good.

The Miami Heat are so good they are resting players during the playoffs!!

No, hell has not frozen over, the New York Islanders are IN the NHL playoffs.

UFC fans are happier than a kid on Christmas morning that Jon Jones put a whoopin’ on Chael Sonnen.

That last one makes me pretty happy too.

Jones’ new nickname has officially been changed to Jon ‘Broken Bones’ Jones.

Did you see his toe after his fight on Saturday?

That’s what you call a BROKEN toe.

If you haven’t seen it yet, click here and scroll down (WARNING, this picture is graphic and may not be suitable for everyone): http://m.bleacherreport.com/articles/1621382-ufc-159-results-heres-that-photo-of-jon-jones-broken-toe

How bout dem’ Yankees!

On a serious note: What a special moment it is for football players to be drafted into the NFL.

Especially for D.J. Hayden, with his miraculous recovery from life threatening surgery to NFL player in just 5 short months.

On another serious note: Congratulations to Jason Collins for becoming the first openly gay athlete in professional sports.

It was only a matter of time, and now maybe we’ll see a breakthrough for humanity in sports.

Seriously though, the Jets should start Mark Sanchez this season.

Or they can pickup Tim Tebow in free agency to be their running back (I hear he’s available now).

Apparently David Price is the only person on the planet that didn’t know that baseball umpires have potty mouths.

I’m about as excited for the NHL playoffs as I am for my grandma’s bridge game this Saturday.

I enjoyed Floyd Mayweather much better when he was in the hole.

Some one go tell him he’s not the best boxer ever, he’ll assault you, and then we won’t have to listen to him talk.

The Boston Celtics are old.

You know what would have been funny on draft day is if some one prank called Manti Te’o and told him he got drafted to the Lingerie Football League (I’m pretty sure he would have fallen for it).

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!