Tag: 4th of July

I’ve Got Something To Say, So Open Your Ears And Listen!!

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 2 Comments

medvedev

Why the hell are the Home Run Derby and All-Star Game held on a Monday and Tuesday night?? MLB All-Star Weekend has a much nicer ring to it. It’s no wonder baseball isn’t popular. Stupid!!

The Knicks have signed 0 players in free agency. No, Ron Baker doesn’t count. The Knicks are officially in Tank Mode!! Oh yeah, and their 1st round pick, Frank Ntilikina, has yet to play a game in the Summer League. I’m so glad he rushed back to France right after the draft just so he could get hurt….

Hey, psssttt, Daniil Medvedev — you can’t throw money at the chair referee (as pictured above). This is Wimbledon, not Jerry Springer. You lost, get over it!! My favorite part is he denied that he was implying the referee was paid off by his opponent. How stupid do you think we are Daniil?? Wait..don’t answer that.

Manny Pacquiao — I know you’re upset, but you’re not the same fighter you used to be. You’re not on the juice anymore. At this point you couldn’t knock out my grandma. It’s time to hang ’em up. Thanks for the memories.

The elephant enters the room….

Gordon Hayward signed with the Boston Celtics. I love how people think it’s appropriate to say, “hey look, another white guy in Boston.” I know people say Boston is a racist city, but not everything is about race. Imagine that.

Dan Gilbert, you are a freakin’ cheapskate!! You are worth 4.8 Billion Dollars. 4.8 BILLION DOLLARS!! Apparently that’s not enough to offer Chauncey Billups a reasonable amount to become the Cavalier’s General Manager. Allegedly Gilbert offered Billups 1.5 million dollars. Normally, a General Manager’s starting salary is a minimum of 4 million dollars. You stay classy Cleveland.

Dallas Cowboys’ linebacker Damien Wilson was arrested on Tuesday night for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Because nothing says ‘Happy 4th of July’ like waving a rifle in a lady’s face. As Jim Carrey said in Liar Liar, “Stop breaking the law asshole!!”

The Knicks reaching out to Rajon Rondo to be Frank Ntilikina’s mentor is like reaching out to Tiger Woods to be your marriage counselor….

How in the world is Alex Wood not on the All-Star Team?!?! The guy is 10-0 with a 1.67 era. Oh..we have 6 relief pitchers on the roster instead?? Makes sense.

The Tennessee Titans almost lit their stadium on fire on Tuesday night. What is it with the NFL and fireworks?? JPP knows what I’m talking about. High Fiv……I mean, ummm, High Four????

 

Thanks for reading!! Enjoy your day everybody!!

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One Liner Friday’s

~ Dave Ettinger ~ 3 Comments

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Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you’ll find the wide world of sports from the past week wrapped up in One Line and One Line only. Enjoy!!

Yeah so I decided to sit down and eat 70 hot dogs in a little under 12 minutes yesterday.

Is that a lot?

How cool would it be to be a competitive eater?

No?

Just me on that one huh?

Dwight Howard is about as irrational and indecisive as a pregnant woman.

Listen up Dwight (you moron), go to Houston or Golden State because they are the closest to winning a championship and that’s all that should matter.

Yasiel Puig for President!

Seriously though, Jonathan Pabelbon should shut his mouth and Puig SHOULD be an all-star this year.

Also, Met’s pitching sensation Matt Harvey should start the All-Star Game at Citi Field this year.

If Harvey didn’t play for the worst team known to man he might be in the CY Young race right now.

Need a good laugh?

The New York Islanders will pay Rick DiPietro, that’s right RICK RIPIETRO, $1.6 Million per year for the next 15 years (hahahahahahaha).

The NBA made history when The Boston Celtics hired a middle schooler as their head coach.

Oh wait sorry that’s Brad Stevens.

With the acquisitions of Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett by the Brooklyn Nets, the Yankees won’t be the only team in New York with an old timers day.

Speaking of the Yankees, you know they’re in dire straits when they are broadcasting a washed up, over the hill, controversial, injury prone A-Rod’s rehab at bats in the Minor Leagues.

Although he is their best option by far at 3rd base (oh 1998 how I miss thee).

Why is it that most of these are about my New York teams?

This is not a sign of good things to come (I hope China doesn’t read this one).

Andy Murray vs. who?

His name is Jerzy Janowicz and doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does he drinks Dos Equis.

No, he is the 24th ranked player in the world, and as long as Murray can bounce back from his 5 setter on Wednesday he’ll mop the floor with him.

Enjoy the rest of your 4th of July weekend everyone! Be safe!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!