One Liner Friday’s

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Hello everyone and welcome to another stellar edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I’d say Ron Metta Artest World Peace should say bye bye to LaLa Land, but clearly he has a permanent residence there.

Seriously though, the Knicks should sign him since he’s the gritty type of player they need.

As long as he promises not to eat anyone’s face than it will be a good pickup.

Why does everyone keep telling me how clean cut and ‘proper’ the Patriots franchise is?

The Patriots cornerback (Alfonzo Dennard) who was just arrested for the second time (for a DUI this time), was drafted by the Patriots just a week AFTER he was arrested for assaulting an officer.

What in the wild world of all things that are holy is Ilya Kovalchuk thinking?

This man just retired from the NHL at the age of 30 and left $77 million on the table (yeah I’m sure he won’t regret that move down the road).

Speaking of Russians, The Brooklyn Nets signed wild hair-do man Andrei Kirilenko to a 2 year $6 million contract.

It’s official, the Net’s are no longer “making splashes”, they’re flat out doing cannonballs in the middle of the pool.

By the way, The Nets Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov is obviously going to buy fellow Russian Andrei Kirilenko an extra special Christmas present this year considering he left about $7 million on the table in free agency.

I’m just saying.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are the next victims of the I think Andrew Bynum can play basketball movement.

Man, it’s going to be embarrassing when Major League Baseball tries to suspend players again, and they come back with a handful of lint, again.

I don’t care what his MRI says, The Yankees brought Derek Jeter back too early, again.

You heard it here first, Miguel Cabrera will win back to back Triple Crown’s this year.

Yasiel Puig not being an All-Star makes about as much sense as an Interstate Highway in Hawaii (they really have those).

Dwight Howard to the Rockets?

So he wants to continue NOT filling the shoes of the game’s all-time great centers?

Want the list?

You got it: Shaquille O’Neal, George Mikan, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and now Hakeem Olajuwon.

Yeah, that shouldn’t tarnish your already sterling legacy.

You all realize that Anderson Silva still believes he won that fight on Saturday night right?

How happy does it make you to watch someone so cocky and so full of themselves get knocked the bleep out?

If you haven’t seen it just click here:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OwDqz2P0YTw

Who knew you could be fat and still win Wimbledon?

Apparently, Marion Bartoli was the only person who possessed such knowledge.

Andy Murray wins his first Wimbledon and then proceeds to high five and hug like 85 people before forgetting to acknowledge his own mother.

Way to man up with those bulls Rex Ryan.

I’ve never seen Rex move that fast before, he looked like a cheetah chasing down his prey the way he skyrocketed up that fence.

Nice face Nick Swisher.

How about you do your job that you get paid millions for and trot down to first base there chief.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

Welcome back to another Friday edition of One Liners. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

Congratulations Lebron on winning your 2nd championship, now you’re not a complete and total failure.

Everyone can keep saying that Gregg Popovich is the best coach of all-time, but when you make horrible blunder after horrible blunder late in championship games maybe you’re not who we thought you were.

Thanks for explaining yourself though, we all really appreciate it.

It’s time Manu, it’s time.

Everyone understands that Aaron Hernandez is going to be brought up on murder charges soon right?

I mean this guy has to be one of the dumbest people on the planet.

Aaron, please don’t shoot me in the face because you’re the butt of one of my jokes.

+13 Tiger, really?

At least you didn’t make any excuses for your poor play.

Can the Yankees demote Phil Hughes all the way back to high school?

The sky is falling the sky is falling, oh no wait that’s just babies falling from the sky.

In all seriousness though, nice catch Joe Torre’s daughter.

If you haven’t been watching the Stanley Cup Finals you should start.

Yasiel Puig!

Now I know Spain is the best soccer team in the world, but 10-0?

The craziest part of that game is that Spain let Tahiti play with 17 men on the field.

This week’s installment has been short but sweet, but I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Well That Was Exciting…… Not!!

Tuesday night’s soccer match of the United States vs. Mexico was a harsh reminder as to why I don’t watch soccer. Even avid soccer fans can’t honestly tell me they enjoyed watching that match. For those of you who missed it, the United States and Mexico played to a 0-0 tie last night. No that’s not a typo, this game showcased 0 goals. This match was the third of 10 total World Cup qualifying matches these teams will play. With the tie, The United States fell to 3rd in the CONCACAF standings (1-1-1), while Mexico remains in 5th in the same standings (0-0-3). The top 3 teams will qualify for the World Cup. Mexico is highly regarded as the best team in this group, and barring a major injury or meltdown they will represent their country in the 2014 World Cup. The United States will most likely find themselves in the 2014 World Cup as well, but it won’t be because they break any goal scoring records. And that brings me to my thoughts on last nights game.

I continue to hear all the commentators say, well this was a solid performance by the United States, and their fans should feel great about what transpired on Tuesday night. To that I say, are you kidding me? Mexico dominated every aspect of this soccer match except for the final score. Yes, it is a fact that Mexico did not score a goal in this match. However, that doesn’t mean that United States played really well. Their defense was very good, but it was not without some luck and some questionable non-calls. Let me throw out some statistics to support my position before I continue on my rant. Mexico outshot the United States 19 to 1. 1?!?!?! 1 stinking shot is all you could muster up in a 90 minute match? If you didn’t watch this match, let me be the first to tell you that that shot wasn’t even a real shot. It was from about 8 miles away from the goal, and it didn’t even end up on net! Mexico literally could have played without a goalie and this match would have ended with the same final score. Mexico possessed the ball for 58% of the match, and found themselves with a clear advantage in corner kicks as well (15-2). Now, everyone can keep telling me that the U.S.’s defense was spectacular, and that’s all well and good, but that style of play is not going to cut it against good teams. You are also not going to allow 19 shots and 15 corners and expect to come away with a shutout on a consistent basis. Now, I must give The United States credit for the final result of last nights match. Azteca is one of the most difficult venues to play in, but the U.S. hung tough. Regardless of what it looked like they still came away with a point IN Mexico. That is a rare feat, as it is only the 2nd time in the history of World Cup qualifiers that they didn’t leave Mexico empty handed. Now just like any close match, it wasn’t free of controversy. Mexico’s players did their fair share of complaining during and after the match. Early on in the game, “Chicharito” was positioning himself inside the box to await a pass. As he entered the box he flew forward away from a U.S. defender (Michael Bradley) as if he were shot out of a canon. There was no whistle blown, no penalty shot awarded, and to that I applaud the referee. In a sport filled with “talented” flop artists it is difficult to differentiate a penalty from an acting job. It is the hardest sport to officiate, and the referee got that call right. Now, a play that was far more controversial came in the 76th minute. Javier Aquino of Mexico was feet away from the goal and was gearing up for a shot on net. Freddy Edu of the U.S. snuck up behind Aquino and disrupted the shot attempt. It appeared that Edu caught Aquino’s foot and that he tripped him up. Play continued without a call and the United States pulled out their violins to give the Mexican squad some background music for their crying and complaining. In sports there are missed calls everyday. Unfortunately it is part of the game. Personally I thought it was a penalty, and Mexico should have been awarded a penalty shot. Fortunately for the United States the referee was checking out a cute girl in the stands instead of doing his job, and the call was blown.

All in all the end result of the match was great for the United States, but my standards it was pretty ugly. Next time, I think I’ll go to sleep at 10 instead of 1230 in the morning. At least I know I won’t miss anything important.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!