One-Liner Fridays

lebron haters

 

Helllllooooo sports fans!!  It’s Friday again.  I know you thought it would never get here, but the weekend is right around the corner.  I will get your weekend started a little early with a weekly segment I like to call: One-Liner Fridays.  You know how it goes.  Today, I will wrap up the past week in sports in One Line and One Line only.  Enjoy!!

 

You know the dog days of summer have hit you square in the face when GOLF is the most exciting thing on TV.

 

Oh no wait, I forgot, you can always turn on some WNBA action……

 

So I heard some clown on ESPN radio last night talking about how betting on the Mets to win the World Series this year (at 200 to 1 odds) wouldn’t be the dumbest thing that has ever happened before…….NO????

 

I mean I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m pretty sure laying that bet would put you in the running for dumbest person ever.

 

So Chad Johnson (yes Ochocinco), is playing in the CFL now, and he just scored his first touchdown the other day, but if you haven’t seen it check out the ref who is clearly not the hugger Derek Jeter is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EGDt07j7sA

 

I know I know, everybody just LOVES Lebron James again, but as you know from my article I know everyone read (https://davetalkssports.com/2014/07/11/lebron-james-returns-to-cleveland/), I’m not buying the bullcrap salad that he’s selling.

 

But seriously, Lebron just placed first in the Harris Poll, which determines the most popular athlete in the United States, I bet The Joker wishes he could figure out how to go from the villain to everyone’s hero in just 1 year.

 

Which brings me to another basketball player, Carmelo Anthony, also known as the most generous and most selfless man in the world.

 

He’s not in it for the money man, he’s all about pay cuts.

 

This man took $7 million less on a 5-year, $129 million contract, if that is not a sacrifice that screams TEAM than I don’t know what is.

 

More basketball??

 

Okay.

 

I only have one thing to say to the Los Angeles Lakers: “HAHAHAHAHAHA….Carlos Boozer….HAHAHAHAHAHA….Jeremy Lin….HAHAHAHAHAHA….okay maybe that was more than one thing, but you get the point.

 

When Tracy McGrady got signed by the Sugar Land Skeeters (insert immature laughter here), I figured he would have a long, illustrious career….and I was right, he pitched 6 and 2/3 innings, recorded 1 strikeout, and then said I think I’ve had enough.

 

So he retired.

 

Major League Baseball definitely handled Derek Jeter’s final All-Star Game very tastefully, but man is that game terrible.

 

If it wasn’t for Derek Jeter, I think there would have been 4 viewers of that game (yea, I said 4).

 

The only thing worse than the All-Star Game itself is the Home Run Derby, that right there is 4 hours of my life that I can NEVER get back again.

 

Here is a simple formula of how to fix the Home Run Derby: you give Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa a bunch of steroids and give them each their own personalized club (you know like a caveman club) and watch them bash 600 foot home runs for an hour, this way everyone’s happy and these clowns get 15 more minutes of fame….oh, and feel free to throw Jose Canseco in there if you want.

BarryBonds

 

Tiger Tiger Woods y’all is back, it’s crazy how much one man can effect an entire sport.

 

So now that the worst time of the year in sports is upon us is it too early to ask everyone’s favorite question: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?! 

 

 

This has been another edition of One-Liner Fridays.  I hope you enjoyed it, and if you have a One-Liner of your own please post it in the comment section below.

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!  

 

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Hugs All Around

MLB: All Star Game

 

Now a days it is hard to find a player as well liked and respected as Derek Jeter.  Last night’s All-Star Game festivities was a prime example of that.  This was Derek Jeter’s 14th and final All-Star Game appearance, and it was only proper to pay homage to a living legend such as himself.  Personally I believe Major League Baseball, the people of Minnesota, and his fellow competitors did a great job in honoring Derek Jeter last night.  To start the night off, Derek gave his team a pregame speech, and in typical Derek Jeter fashion he decided to thank his American League teammates rather than make it about himself.  The entire night seemed too good to be true, as if it were scripted for a play, but that is exactly how it should have felt. 

 

To start off the game, Derek was tested in the field.  Derek made a diving stop on a sharply hit ball up the middle and nearly threw out the speedy Andrew McCutchen at first base.  It was funny to hear Derek Jeter say, during his 4th inning interview with Tim Kurkjian, that he wishes he could have thrown the replay flag on that play.  Side Note: What is the umpire thinking not calling McCutchen out on sheer principal????  What transpired in the bottom of the 1st inning was priceless and yet again perfect.  Derek Jeter was called to the plate by the late great Bob Shepard, something that has happened since the dawn of time in Yankee Stadium.  As Derek approached the plate, he was ready to dig in and get this show on the road, however, Adam Wainwright and the fans had other plans.  Wainwright, being the class act that he is, set his glove down on the mound and stood halfway between the mound and second base.  Wainwright had no intentions of interfering with the 63-second standing ovation that the fans in Minnesota gave Derek.  When Derek’s first at-bat finally got under way, on the second pitch, Derek drove the ball the opposite way (in typical Derek Jeter fashion), for a stand-up double.  We have watched that inside out swing of his for 20 years now, a swing that has produced 3,408 regular season hits (9th on the all-time list).  After Derek’s double, he was promptly driven in by the living, breathing version of He-Man; Mike Trout.  As we fast forward to the 3rd inning, Derek notched another All-Star Game hit on his belt, where else but to right field (this one of the bloop variety).  This final hit brought his all time All-Star Game batting average up to .481 (13 for 27), which is 2nd all time. 

 

The start of the 4th inning seemed like any other.  The players for the American League took the field and went through their warm-up routines, but boy were they in for a surprise.  Just as warm-ups concluded and the inning was about to start, American League Manager John Farrell sent Alexei Ramirez out to shortstop to replace Derek Jeter.  This move allowed Derek to receive an individual standing ovation, which lasted about 2 and a half minutes.  In the dugout, Derek went to every person on the roster and gave them their own personalized hug.  I think he even gave the grounds crew members a hug on his way out of the stadium too.  And as expected, the fans continued cheering until Derek came out for a well deserved curtain call.  Last night was nearly perfect for Major League Baseball, for the fans, and for Derek Jeter.  The only part that they missed (besides not calling McCutchen out on the play at first) was not giving Derek the All-Star Game MVP Award.  All the baseball writers of the world can talk about how last night was the passing of the torch from Derek Jeter to Mike Trout (who won the MVP Award) all they want, but that is incorrect.  Last night was about Derek Jeter and Derek Jeter alone.  Last night’s game was not about, and should never be, about home field advantage in the World Series.  It was about one of the greatest baseball players to ever play the game.  It was about paying tribute to one of the most decorated careers in baseball history.  No one handles themselves better in these situations than The Captain.  Over his career he has always remained gracious and most importantly he is never selfish.  Last night was another testament to that and the greatness that is Derek Jeter.   

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!         

Melo Takes Paycut to Return to Knicks

carmelo-anthony

After weeks of deliberation, Carmelo Anthony has finally decided to return to the New York Knicks.  Anthony made the announcement Saturday (even though he had probably made up his mind by Friday) that he would be re-signing with the Knickerbockers.  The deal will be worth $122 million over the next 5 years.  Who said Melo wasn’t a team player??  This guy just made the ultimate sacrifice by taking a whopping $7 million less than the max deal over 5 years.  He just saved the franchise $1.4 million per year over the next 5 years.  What a guy!  Now the Knicks have the cap space to sign Kurt Thomas.  Can you say game changer?!?!  In all seriousness, the Knicks did what they had to do and so did Carmelo Anthony.  The Knicks, as much as they didn’t want to, had to throw the whole bag of cash at him, because if they missed out on Melo, where would they be?  And Melo actually wanted to leave for a better, more championship ready situation.  The only problem was that option didn’t exist in this years free agency.  The Chicago Bulls were only a better option if Derrick Rose is healthy, and at this point I’d say that is an enormous if.  I don’t believe the Lakers were ever a real option seeing as they don’t have a coach, and they actually have a worse roster than the Knicks.  And as good as the Houston Rockets would have become with the addition of Melo, who wants to live in Houston?? 

 

As for the Knicks, in the horrid eastern Conference, they shouldn’t fare too badly this upcoming season.  They are no championship contender, don’t get me wrong, but don’t be surprised if they creep up to the 4 or 5 seed.  Yes, Derek Fisher is a wild card in this equation, but I have the utmost confidence that Phil Jackson will steer him in the right direction.  Now, I need to say something to all of the Carmelo Anthony haters of the world.  Y’all are out of your damn minds!!  As much as critics and fans alike enjoy picking Anthony’s game apart, he is undoubtedly one of the best players in the NBA.  He may not be the best defender in the NBA, but does defense really exist in the NBA??  And the notion that a team can not win with Carmelo Anthony on its roster; is ludicrous.  Carmelo Anthony is what he is.  He is one of the best pure scorers the game has ever seen who also happens to grab 8 -10 rebounds a night.  Everyone is trying to turn him in to a player that he simply will never be.  You know what Melo’s biggest mistake is?  That he isn’t Lebron James.  Ever since high school, the two have been linked.  Their head-to-head matchups in high school were televised, they came out of the same NBA draft class, and most recently they shared the same free agency spot light.  Melo is not the passer Lebron is, he’s not the defender Lebron is, and he simply is not the all around player Lebron is.  And you know what?  That’s okay.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t win a championship with Carmelo Anthony on your roster.   Phil Jackson will put a roster in place that highlights the strengths of everyone on it, and most importantly, Carmelo Anthony will be utilized correctly for the first time in his career.  Just watch for Anthony’s 4th quarter contributions under Phil Jackson opposed to the tired, wobbly legged Anthony we’ve grown accustom to seeing under the likes of Mike and Mike (no not that Mike and Mike); Woodson and D’Antoni.  Anthony has always been asked to do too much.  With a real point guard and a proper system in place, don’t be surprised to see Anthony thrive as a member of the new look Knicks.    

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!         

Lebron James Returns To Cleveland

lebron

 

The wait is over!!  The most anticipated sports story possibly of all-time has culminated in 3 simple words: “I’m Coming Home.”  As you all know, these words were spoken today by basketball’s best player, Lebron James.  This announcement came not in the form of an ego driven, poorly thought out press conference, but in an essay, written for Lebron, by Lee Jenkins via SportsIllustrated.com.  The essay can be found here: http://www.si.com/nba/2014/07/11/lebron-james-cleveland-cavaliers   There is so much to dissect and express from this situation it is hard to know where to start, but let me try starting with Lebron the player.

Lebron James is the best player in the world and has been for quite some time now.  Lebron James would have been welcomed with open arms anywhere he decided to go, except for maybe Cleveland (which is what some of us thought before this decision).  We now know that is untrue.  Despite the most complicated player-city relationship in the history of sports, despite the burning of his jerseys, despite the angriest letter (compliments of Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert) we’ve ever seen, and despite The Decision 4 years ago, every person in Cleveland seems to be ecstatic, and there is a 100% approval rate that Lebron is returning to Cleveland.  Maybe I’m being too negative, or maybe I’m not giving people enough credit, but I’m SHOCKED that there isn’t ONE person that is pumping the brakes and saying, woah woah woah, you may be great, but we aren’t about to forget what you did to us just 4 short years ago.  Trust me, I understand the expression: ‘Forgive, but never forget’, but it seems like Cleveland has already done both instantaneously.  Now I also understand that Cleveland is not a city rich in championships, and they are a passionate sports city that would do virtually anything to end that drought, but where is the self-respect?  Do none of you remember those feelings of hatred and anger that filled your souls in 2010?  Again, Lebron James is the best player in the world and this move makes The Cleveland Cavaliers instant competitors, but something about it leaves an uneasy feeling in my stomach.  As far as where the Cavaliers stand now, the Las Vegas odds makers have already thrown Cleveland to the top of the favorites to win the 2015 NBA championship list (they are going off at 3-1 as of right now).

Next, let’s talk about Lebron James the man.  By all accounts he seems like a really good guy.  He came straight out of high school to the NBA (which doesn’t always end so well) and adjusted to that seamlessly.  He has never been arrested.  He isn’t running around drinking, partying, and getting in trouble all the time.  He seems to be all about basketball all the time.  And for those reasons, I, along with the rest of the sports world, love and appreciate his passion and dedication to the game.  When it’s all said and done he will be one of the top 10 players of all-time and potentially top 3 of all-time.  However, I am seeing a different side of this story than virtually everyone else in the world.  Sports writers, sports radio hosts, ESPN insiders, and just about everyone in the world are calling this a great day for sports.  I’m here to tell you why I’m not buying it.  Go ahead everyone, start killing me for it; I don’t mind.

Obviously this is certainly an amazing day for the Cleveland Cavaliers, that’s a no brainer.  There is just something about Lebron James, the actor, that doesn’t sit right with me.  I think that The Decision 4 years ago was a horrendous, slow-motion train wreck that should have been avoided.  It was a selfish act by the self-proclaimed king, who cared more about getting the ‘win an NBA title’ monkey off his back, than he did loyalty.  I know real loyalty doesn’t really exist in sports, but it does when you’re born and raised somewhere, drafted in that city, and then marked as the savior there as well.  I see today as a selfish act as well.  I think his essay was calculated from the title, all the way down to every last dotted i and crossed t.  He said what he had to say to Miami to keep them from jumping down his throat for leaving, and he definitely told Cleveland everything they wanted to hear for why he is “returning home.”  I believe he cares more about his image here than anything else.  If he truly cared as much about Cleveland as he claims, he wouldn’t have left in the first place.  Yes, everyone makes mistakes, which even he acknowledged, but I know what it’s like to have an allegiance and loyalty to your home, and I can’t picture ever leaving.  And I am not Lebron James (shocker I know).  I don’t effect my towns economy and the state of mind of every person in it.  Even a selfish, misguided, immature 25 year old can understand that.  As for the basketball moves he’s made over the past 4 years, first he said I can’t win a title by myself.  Okay fine, maybe that one isn’t so bad.  Almost no one has won an NBA championship by themselves, but did he really need to create his own personal all-star team just to capture his elusive first title?  And what I see today, rather than let me try to win a title for my city, is now that I finally have my own championship rings, let me make my way back home where suddenly my hometown is good enough for me again.   Again, maybe I’m reaching, nitpicking, and scrutinizing Lebron James’ every move too much, but I’m sorry, I’m just not buying what Lebron James is selling.

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Fridays

tanaka

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the end of the work week (for most of us).  Every Friday, I like to infuse a little humor into everyone’s lives.  Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line, and one line only.  Enjoy!!

 

No no no, it’s okay Lebron take your time, your decision probably doesn’t effect anyone else but yourself…..

 

Do you think that Chandler Parsons wakes up every morning and throws darts at a picture of Lebron James’ face?

 

Side note that is almost related to what we are talking about: Do you think Chris Bosh knows he is the ugliest man in the world??

bosh-face

 

All you could muster up was 41 consecutive scoreless inning pitched, Clayton Kershaw??

 

Man do you suck.

 

I just want to say something, I’m gonna put this out there, if you like it you can keep it and if u don’t just throw it right back, “I am ready to take Masahiro Tanaka’s spot in the Yankees rotation.”

 

Still wondering how someone can win a fight in just 16 seconds???

 

I would explain it to you, but I figured I’d just let Ronda Rousey show you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kp1iYmbWCo

 

Wait, you are going to subject us to more soccer??

 

NO!!!!!!!!

 

Which was worse, watching a 7-1 rout or watching probably the most poorly played World Cup Semifinal match in history resulting in 0 goals in 120 minutes??

 

Surprise Surprise, MLB has changed the format of The Home Run Derby….again.

 

They change The Home Run Derby more times than Richard Pryor changed wives (this guy got married 9 different times)!!!!

 

No story was more entertaining this past week than the fat bastard Yankees fan who is suing the Yankees and ESPN for $10 million because he decided to take a nap at a baseball game.

 

I’d continue to make fun of him, but I think his picture says it all:

fat man

 

Well this has been another edition of One Liner Fridays.  I hope you enjoyed them.  If you have a One Liner of your own you’d like to add, please leave one in the comment section below.  Thanks for reading!!

 

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!     

 

Any Day Now……

NBA: All Star Game

 

It’s funny how in the world of Social Media and the instantaneous reaction it feels like we’ve been enduring the process of NBA Free Agency for forever now, but in reality, teams have only legally been allowed to talk to players for 9 days.  And players are only allowed to officially ink deals as of today, July 10th at 12:01 a.m.  It only seems like forever since Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James opted out of their contracts because we talk about it every second of every day.  Between sports talk radio, twitter, and the nonstop “updates” from Chris Broussard, Brian Windhorst, and Marc Stein on ESPN every 4 minutes, we have had Lebron speculation shoved down our throats all day long.  And that’s all this is; speculation.  Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and the rest of this years free agents are taking their time with their decisions, and rightfully so, as this is potentially the biggest decision of their lives. 

 

We all know the rumors swirling around Lebron, Melo, and Chris Bosh:  Lebron could return “home”  to Cleveland (believe it or not Akron and Cleveland are not the same place), Chris Bosh could return “home” by going to the Houston Rockets (he’s actually from Dallas), and Melo can do the only thing he was ever going to do and stay in NY.   There are many other outside possibilities of what is going to transpire, but I unlike the rest of the world, am going to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.  That show should start today when Melo re-signs with the Knicks.  I mean, cbssports.com already prematurely broke the story that Melo will be re-signing with the Knicks, but hey maybe he’ll go play for the coach-less Lakers (because that’s a real option).

 

The most unfortunate part in all of this is that when someone wins (as in winning their free agent of choice), someone else has to lose.  And this is the part where you can bust out your violin for the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Cleveland is probably being duped once again.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice……you know how the rest of that one goes.  Not only is Cleveland banking on Lebron’s desire to return home, but they are clearing cap space to ensure that they have enough money to sign Lebron James.  Let me just say that the only way Lebron is going back to Cleveland is if Kevin Love somehow gets traded there this week and agrees to sign a long term deal.  Good luck.  As much fun as all this speculation is, we are just going to have to take a chill pill and wait out these decisions.  Once again, if you actually pull out the calendar, we haven’t been waiting that long.  The funniest part to all this is we are most likely going to watch all of this hype suddenly fizzle out when every major free agent ends up staying put.  That would be funny wouldn’t it?   

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!     

 

Brasil Demolished in World Cup Semifinal

 brazil-world-cup-memes

 

Embarrassed?  Demoralized?  Ashamed?  I’m sure Brasil is feeling a little bit of all of the above.  If you don’t know by now, and I’m sure you do seeing as yesterdays World Cup Semifinal thrashing was the most discussed sporting event in social media history, Brasil got beaten up and down by Germany by the score of 7-1.  Germany has advanced to the World Cup finale and will now await the winner of the Argentina vs. Netherlands match which airs today @ 4:00 p.m. on ESPN.  As for yesterdays match, it is difficult to put into words what transpired in Belo Horizonte, Brasil.  Brasil, the World Cup’s host country, went down 1-0 in the first 10 minutes of the match, and then it was ALL downhill from there.  If you are like the rest of us, you probably thought it was safe to get up and go to the bathroom.  Nope.  By the 29th minute of the match, it was already 5-0, and it resembled one of those tune-up matches that NCAA Men’s Basketball powerhouses use to get ready for the upcoming season.  You know the game I’m talking about, where Louisville invites a team like Southern Miss to town and then trounces them by 35.  Yeah it was like that, only this was the Semifinal of THE WORLD CUP!!  

My takeaway from this game is simple.  Brasil should be utterly embarrassed.  That was quite possibly the worst display of defense and more importantly EFFORT I have ever seen with my own 2 eyes.  Where was the fight?!?!  By the numbers, this was the worst loss in World Cup Semifinals history as well as Brasil’s worst loss in team history.  But, just from watching the game, it looked like Germany was going for a stroll in the park, passing the ball back and forth inside Brasil’s box, just waiting for the right time to shoot and score at will.  Prior to the match, I personally thought that Germany would win, with Brasil missing arguably their 2 best players in Neymar and their Captain Thiago Silva, but no one and I mean NO ONE could have expected this result.  It was a sad day for Brasilians everywhere, but I say forget being sad; get angry! 

 

And hey, there’s always next year…………. 

 

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!