One Liner Friday’s

big mo

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. After a 3 week break, I’m back!! Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in One Line and One Line only. Enjoy!!

All I have to say about the Jacksonville Jaguars idea to give any fans who purchase tickets to their game this weekend 2 free beers is: MMMMMMMMMMM BEER.

And, where can I buy some Jag’s tickets?

I wish everyone would understand that this 10 year/$305 million number Robinson Cano is “asking” for is just a bunch of white smoke.

No one is going to give him more than 7 years/$196 million (which is still absurd but it’s quite a bit less then $305), I mean the guy literally walks to 1st base on groundballs.

Hey Jay-Z, I know you like money because it ain’t a thang but stop trying to steamroll The Yankees and let’s get real.

Speaking of The Yankees, let’s get serious.

Thursday night marked the last time the best closer of all-time, Mariano Rivera, would ever step foot on the mound in Yankees Stadium.

His career is unparalleled and is one of the finest human beings to ever play the game of baseball.

Good luck filling those shoes David Robertson.

Andy Pettite is also hangin ’em up after this season, making his final start this weekend in Houston.

He had a very solid career and will be missed in the Yankees organization as well.

Let me preface the next few statements by saying I Love The New York Jets.

But, they are NOT as good as everyone thinks.

I repeat, they are not very good.

The Defense is very good, but this is still a 6 or 7 win team at best, and for people to think they are going to make the playoffs all of a sudden because they are 2-1 is RIDICULOUS!!

Oh they beat The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and The Buffalo Bills, both at home, yeah you’re right they’re great what was I thinking?!?!

Is it awkward for The Sacramento Kings organization to have Shaquille O’ Neal be part owner now considering he called them The Sacramento Queens back in the day??

I hate Floyd Mayweather Jr. with a passion!!

But, he is the best in the world right now, so you gotta give him credit where it’s due.

Bye Bye Bud Selig, you will not be missed.

I think he wanted to retire before Major League Baseball’s squeaky clean name got tied to Steroids, haha.

RG3 says he doesn’t know how to slide, and to that I say: What are you retarded?

Way to grow some cojones Carlos Gomez!!

I mean Brian McCann would have kicked your ass, but at least you didn’t back down or hide behind an umpire in a scrum like Chris Johnson.

Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant don’t have real beef with each other, rather they are in cahoots in some major marketing scheme….just wait and see.

So The New York Knicks and Brooklyn Nets are going to split the 2015 All-Star Game Festivities right down the middle???

Yeah, nothing says heated rivalry like a little sharing.

Have you ever seen someone take a bigger beating in a victory before in your life?

Don’t know what I’m talking about just see exhibit A: UFC Champion Jon Jones’ face after defeating Alexander Gustafsson.

jon jones

Someone let The New York Football Giants know what time their game is this week because I don’t think they knew last week; that’s why they didn’t show up!

Ouch!

Have you ever watched (or not watched) a more pathetic display of football in your life?

Maybe they’ll put forth a better effort in Kansas City this week….eh probably not.

Yeah, we believe you Colin Kaepernick when you say you don’t care what anybody has to say about you.

So is that why you SAVED AND FAVORTIED all of your hate tweets online last week?

Idiot.

Well, this has been another edition of One Liner Friday’s. I hope you enjoyed them!! If you have your own One Liner’s you want to leave me, please write them in the comment section below. Thanks.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Advertisements

One Liner Friday’s

peyton

Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Peyton Manning is very very very very very good at football.

Hey Flacco, I hope you had your notepad and pencil out while Mr. Manning was taking you to school (nice contract Ravens).

Seriously though, everyone should stop doubting Manning and his arm strength and his age and should just realize that he is one of the best to ever do it (NO, NOT 6, 7, 7 IS THE NUMBER!).

Something About Mary?

Oh Yankees, every time I think you’re going to return to form and storm your way into the playoffs, you go and do something like that.

In case you missed it, Big Mo blew a save (obviously against the Red Sox) and then who else but Joba the hut would go on to lose the game.

I still think the Yankees land the final Wild Card spot in the playoffs this year, watch.

I’ve said it about 10 times now, and I will say it again, Floyd Mayweather Jr. will be handed his first ever loss by Canelo Alvarez on Saturday September 14th.

I am looking forward to 50 Cent and Justin Bieber performing for Mayweather as he walks to the ring though (how stupid is that).

Nobody thinks that Cary Williams wanted to fight Riley Cooper because he is a blatant racist do they??

Because that would be absurd!

Hey, uh, Geno Smith, we passed on you just like everyone else in the 1st round of the draft, and we are actually going to play Mark ‘the worst quarterback in the history of the world’ Sanchez over you, but now that ummm, oh man this is awkward, now that he happens to be hurt THIS IS YOUR OFFENSE AND IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!

Yeah, I think he believes you and he’s buying the vote of confidence.

And if he’s not I certainly am.

It has been one of the most spectacular and impressive careers in the history of sports, but Roger Federer is officially on the Decline.

2013 became the first year he hasn’t reached a single Grand Slam Final since 2002 (back before he was the R-FED).

His career is not over, and I think he will make a comeback and have a nice showing in 2014 before he rides off into the sunset, but this is the first of many tributes to one of the finest athletes of all time.

Hey, uh, Andy Murray, I know you’re really busy being the ugliest man in the world, but a player of your stature should never lose in straight sets in the quarterfinals.

You know, instead of suspending Ryan Braun for the rest of the season, they should have just suspended him for 4.5 innings.

No?

Oh, that only works for privileged stuck up little children in College Football, my bad.

Who gives out a suspension of half of a game?!?!?

That’s like taking a convicted felon and saying, you know what we’re going to do, forget the whole prison thing, we are just going to give you about 25 minutes in the pink timeout chair in the corner (obviously the timeout chair is pink).

Thanks for reading everyone, and if you have your own one liner’s that you want to post, please feel free to do so in the comment section below. Enjoy your weekend everyone!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

I’d Ask, But I Know You Are Ready For Some Football!!

Denver-Broncos-vs-Baltimore-Ravens-620x350

Your birthday? Nope. Your anniversary? Nah. That day you randomly find a $20 in your jacket that you haven’t worn in 3 months? Almost, but no. So what is the best day of the year? It is today; Opening Day of the NFL Season. It is the day you’ve been waiting for ever since the unbelievably annoying Ray Lewis hoisted The Lombardi Trophy over is head in February. Well, the wait is over. You can have a snickers bar and you can watch some football. You can finally see how your fantasy picks will pan out. And, you all have a reason to sit on the couch and do nothing. Enjoy what should undoubtedly be made a National Holiday.

The 2013 NFL Season kicks off tonight, Thursday September 5th, with the defending champion Baltimore Ravens taking on the Denver Broncos (I think we all remember what happened the last time these teams met). To say The Broncos will be looking for revenge would be an understatement. The Broncos enter the season with extremely high expectations. Some have them in or winning The Super Bowl this year thanks to the additions of Wes Welker and others. Even with their best defender, Von Miller, suspended for the first 4 games of the season they are still looked at as the favorites in the AFC. On the other hand, the defending champion Ravens enter the season with a handful of question marks. How do they replace Ray Lewis and Ed Reed? Will Joe Flacco live up to the astronomically high contract he was given last year? Can you really win with just 1 wide receiver? That last one was a joke, but seriously how are you going to win with Torrey Smith and me at wide receiver? Despite his impressive Super Bowl performance and his wonderful (haha) showing on Dancing With The Stars, Jacoby Jones is actually not very good at football. These are some of the questions that will certainly be answered once the season gets under way. You can catch tonight’s opening game on NBC at 8:30 P.M. Who do you like to win this game? I have Denver (at home) winning a relatively close game 24-17.

The rest of Week 1 will be played on Sunday and Monday. So, clear your schedules for the weekend, find that ass groove in the couch that has missed you so dearly, and lets get ready for some football. I am now ready to give you some of my thoughts and predictions on the upcoming season. Everyone has an opinion on their own favorite team and who they think will win, but football more than any other sport is incredibly unpredictable. Players get injured at a very high rate, and every year we seem to have a completely unknown player climb out of the woodwork and land right in the limelight. Nonetheless, lets make some predictions. I shall start with my favorite “team”, The New York Jets. Their team can be summed up in one word: Joke. They are a complete and utter joke. I see them winning 4 games at most, but most likely will only pull off 3 lucky victories. With that being said, I still believe it is not fair for ESPN to rank the Jets as the worst team in the NFL. That distinction clearly should be held by The Oakland Raiders (Chris Berman voice). Anyway, I see the Raiders, Jets, and Jaguars all being very very bad, and I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these teams wound up as the worst team in the league. And now, I will provide you with the Division winners, Wild Card teams, and Super Bowl Champion that will make up the 2013 playoffs.

In the AFC East, I don’t see how any other team will come out of that division than The New England Patriots. Everyone can talk about how much better The Miami Dolphins will be, but I’m sorry Ryan Tannehill, I’m just not buying it. The AFC West is also a pretty easy division to figure out. The Denver Broncos will handily win this division. Most people are eager to hop on the Kansas City Chiefs bandwagon, but I’m also not prepared to do that either. Will they be in a hunt for the Wild Card with 3 games to go? It’s very possible, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if they were 4-9 by then either. Oh, they have Alex Smith? Well then, that changes everything, they’ll probably win The Super Bowl. What was I thinking? The AFC North and South are a little tougher to figure out, and will probably provide the playoffs with the other 4 teams in the AFC this year. The AFC North will be a tightly contested division, but I feel that The Cincinnati Bengals will prevail. I also believe that The Ravens, not The Steelers will land a Wild Card spot this year. The Steelers have no running game, and Big Ben just isn’t good enough to win without a good supporting cast and top 10 defense. The AFC South is a fun division and should also bring 2 playoff teams to the mix this year. The Indianapolis Colts will win this division behind the strong play of Andrew Luck (he is the real deal and will be the best 2nd year QB in the NFL this season). The Texans will land the other Wild Card spot this year.

    AFC Playoff Picture

1.) Denver Broncos
2.) New England Patriots
3.) Indianapolis Colts
4.) Cincinnati Bengals
5.) Baltimore Ravens
6.) Houston Texans

I envision The Denver Broncos beating The New England Patriots in the AFC Championship (and giving everyone that one last Peyton Vs. Tom showdown everyone was looking for last year).

As for the NFC, I see this as the much harder conference to predict. The NFC East by itself is like flipping a 4-sided coin. But, here goes nothing. In the NFC East, as much as I hate them and love watching them crumble under pressure, I see the Dallas Cowboys narrowly pulling out the division title this year. I think The New York Giants will be in the fight for a Wild Card spot all season but will fall just short of the playoffs yet again this season. The NFC West, which is seen as the strongest division in the NFL should definitely bring 2 teams to the playoffs this year. I have The San Francisco 49ers winning the division, and The Seattle Seahawks winning a Wild Card spot. The NFC North should be a battle between 2 long time rivals; The Packers and Da Bears. I see The Packers edging out the Bears for the Division while Jay Cutler will once again be watching the playoffs from home this season. Last, but certainly not least, there is my favorite division in football, The NFC South. This division should also produce 2 playoff teams this season. The Atlanta Falcons will once again win the division while the New Orleans Saints will land the final playoff spot this season.

    NFC Playoff Picture

1.) San Francisco
2.) Atlanta Falcons
3.) Green Bay Packers
4.) Dallas Cowboys
5.) Seattle Seahawks
6.) New Orleans Saints

Let me repeat how unpredictable the NFC is going to be this season. Don’t be surprised if the Wild Cards consist of The Bears, Redskins, Giants, or Redskins. However, based off my predictions, I see The San Francisco 49ers beating the Atlanta Falcons in the NFC Championship in a rematch of last year. As for the Super Bowl, I see Peyton Manning prevailing to win his 2nd Lombardi Trophy, while Colin Kaepernick suffers his 2nd straight defeat in the Super Bowl. And that my friends, is how I see the NFL season playing out this year. It is a long road, and it all starts tonight. However it plays out, enjoy it!!

Please leave me your predictions for the upcoming NFL Season below in the comment section. Thank you.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!