One Liner Friday’s

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Hello and welcome back to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Hey what do you know, Bill Belichick does have a heart.

I was actually starting to wonder if he was a robot.

Has anyone seen that picture of Tyson Chandler in a pair of shorts?

Forget one line, I have one word for Tyson Chandler : SQUATS!

I know virtually no one has noticed, but we must be in bizarro world because the U.S. Men’s Soccer team has won 9 games in a row!

Dear Derek Rose, I love the confidence, but you must be high as a kite to say that you are the best player in the NBA.

We all know you didn’t play any games last year, but apparently you didn’t watch any games either.

The Hefty Lefty shot a remarkable final round 66 to win the Open Championship, I’m just glad there were no tents in his way this year.

From now on, I think Tiger Woods should wear Pink on Sundays.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about A-Rod?

Here, I will be taking a stand against the meaningless A-Rod drivel that everyone else is pushing.

I will give you one last line: he cheated and lied, but he’s clearly The Yankees best option at 3rd base so play him until he gets suspended.

Isn’t it sad though that The Yankees are going to rely on Alfonso Soriano to be their savior?

Wait a minute, Alfonso Soriano, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Mariano Rivera, where is Chuck Knoblauch when you need him?

Lebron left his city, now he’s turning his back on his own country, what’s next? (Maybe he’ll move to Canada)

Ryan Braun bet his life and he’s still alive and Aaron Rodgers bet his salary and he’s still living large, let’s bring out the electric chair so we can move on with our day. #welchonabet

Matt Ryan gets paid!!!!!!

Apparently winning 1 career playoff game is the new benchmark for a $100 million dollar contract.

So big hits at the college level are now cause for ejection, I’m glad the NCAA is attempting to completely ruin another aspect of their game, what a shocker.

They might as well put tutu’s on these guys and let them hit each other with pillows.

Football is a violent sport, let’s leave it that way!!

Speaking of football, Jaws must be sharing Derek Rose’s stash if he thinks Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are both better than Drew Brees.

On a serious note: I feel horrible for Tim Hudson, who over the past 15 years has been one of the most solid and consistent pitchers in all of baseball.

I feel really bad that he got injured the way he did, and I hope he is able to return to form and pitch in the Major League’s again.

The Mets are not just ruining their own players careers, but have now figured out how to ruin their opponents careers too.

Jaromir Jagr was born during World War II, and he is still playing in the NHL; amazing.

With the start of training camp it’s time to get excited about football, but I think it’s cute that Jets fans are actually convinced that they can win 9 games this year.

4 spot, if they’re lucky.

Have a nice weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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MLB Serves Ryan Braun With A Vacation

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As most of you have probably heard by now, Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers has been suspended for the remainder of the 2013 season (including the playoffs that they’re not going to be in). At this point in the season that means that his suspension will total 65 games. Monetarily speaking Braun will lose just north of $3.4 million. That’s change in the couch for a guy like Braun, since he signed a contract extension in 2011 worth a whopping $105 million. Side note: Isn’t there something wrong with figures like that? One-Hundred and Five Million Dollars? Man, you could feed a small country for a year with that. But, their salaries are obviously our fault, and we all know this already, so I’ll stop traveling off topic and I’ll get back to the task at hand. If you aren’t aware of why this suspension is so fulfilling and unbelievably hysterical, let me fill you in. Ryan Braun won the MVP in 2011. Immediately following the announcement of this award, Braun provided Major League Baseball with a positive test for performance enhancing drugs. Even with a positive test out there, Braun continuously proclaimed his innocence and denied any and all use of said banned substances. He, being the sweetheart that he is, took it as far as personally attacking the man who collected the sample. The long and short of the story is that Braun did not get punished for said positive test because the man who collected the sample didn’t get it shipped out of his house in the allotted amount of time. So, Braun got off on what many have called a technicality. And rather than say thank you for getting the process right, and I didn’t do this and I’m glad our system prevailed, he went on and on and on and on in a speech for the ages. For those of you who haven’t seen this gem, click below:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kPKurzzwGxg

Ryan Braun is a phenomenal liar if I do say so myself. I personally think he would make a fantastic double agent for the FBI or CIA. That speech right there is unbelievable. I don’t know about you, but I think he took it too far when he said he’d bet his life that these substances never entered his body. Or was it when he mentioned all the honor, integrity, and class he has? (HA!). While it is great to see such a dishonest and deceitful player get caught, it is simply not enough to change the culture of a seriously tainted sport. Now as a lifelong baseball fan, I applaud baseball for what they are trying to do. Major League Baseball (along with every major sport everywhere) has a serious drug problem, and it needs a cure. The fight against performing enhancing drugs is long overdue. The only problem is the problem is so deeply rooted, and the players have such a union set up that it will never allow such a profitable problem to be solved in its entirety. These guys make their fancy livings with the help of this stuff. And as long as the guy next to you is doing it than I guess you’ll be doing it too.

Join me as we travel back to reality. With the system we have in place in Major League Baseball and the knowledge that the union will never allow stiffer consequences for these actions, this problem will continue to persist. And that is exactly why this suspension means absolutely nothing. As of today, Ryan Braun is getting an 8 month vacation. Yes, it is unpaid but as I stated earlier that means nothing to him. He’ll go home and enjoy time with his family, and enjoy time away from a horrible baseball team. Sure his name will always be slightly tainted, but after watching that video from 2 years ago, I think he’ll be just fine. As far as the 65 game suspension goes, some of you might be wondering how they came to such a number? Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Agreement states that if caught with banned substances you will incur penalties of first a 50-game suspension, second a 100-game suspension, and finally if caught a third time a lifetime ban from baseball. So what clearly happened with Braun was MLB came to Braun and his lawyers and said this is the evidence we have on you. The evidence must have been overwhelmingly in favor of MLB, because Braun folded like a cheap suit and basically asked for the handcuffs and said I’ll put them on myself. MLB obviously wanted the 100-game suspension if not more, but were not planning to accept the minimal 50-games. So with Braun standing there with his pants down, he must have plea bargained his way down to the rest of the season. That is how they landed on the unorthodox number of 65.

Then came the icing on the cake (Ryan Braun’s public statement from yesterday in response to the suspension) that you probably left in the back of your cabinet for 3 years and then thought it was okay to use. Please read now, and enjoy, the worst public statement in the history of mankind:

“As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect. I realize now that I have made some mistakes. I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions. This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family, and it is has been a distraction to my teammates and the Brewers organization. I am very grateful for the support I have received from players, ownership and the fans in Milwaukee and around the country. Finally, I wish to apologize to anyone I may have disappointed – all of the baseball fans especially those in Milwaukee, the great Brewers organization, and my teammates. I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love.”

Did anyone else have a reversal of fortune after reading that horror story? Let’s take a quick look into that statement. ‘As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect.’ Really? When was that acknowledgement again? I don’t remember ever hearing about that. ‘This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family.’ No, not on you, just on everyone else involved except for you because you are the only reason this ordeal is taking place. I would continue translating and analyzing this thing of beauty, but I don’t want to be sick to my stomach all day. The bottom line is that this suspension is the first of many, and it is certainly a step in the right direction. The only problem is it is the equivalent of taking about 5 steps up Mount Everest.

Finally, you all must be wondering what this means for Alex Rodriguez. It means nothing good for A-Rod that’s what it means. Sources are already saying that A-Rod is in discussions with MLB to work out a deal. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like good news now does it? He was supposed to be back in the Yankees lineup Monday night, but that was postponed due to a “slight quad strain”. Yeah, okay, and my grandma is a professional basketball player. The Yankees, or MLB, or someone obviously didn’t want Rodriguez to step on to the field this season. So they had a little talk with Alex and extended his stay on the disabled list. My prediction is that MLB drops the hammer on A-Rod before the weekend is done.

What do you think of Braun’s suspension? Do you think it is meaningful or insignificant? What do you think will become of Alex Rodriguez? Please let me know by leaving your comments and responses in the comment section below. Thank you!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Phenomenal Phil Claims Claret Jug

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While everyone else was moving backward, he charged forward. From the beginning of the day, he was staring down the barrel of a 5-shot deficit, but by the end of the day he found himself standing alone at the top of a hill. Only instead of a hill he was standing on a mountain (because a 3-shot victory in a tightly contested golf tournament is like winning a baseball game 9-1). Phil Mickelson played the round of his life on the grandest of stages on Sunday. It is a round that will go down in history as one of the finest of all-time, and there were some signature shots that will be remembered for decades to come. This phenomenal display of golf earned Mickelson his 5th career Major and his 1st Open Championship. With this victory he finds himself on a short list of men to have won 3 different Majors.

Mickelson, now 43, didn’t win his 1st Major until the age of 33. Over the past decade he and his game have matured nicely. In the past Mickelson was pegged as the best to never win, as he came up short time after time. It was always the high risk/high reward shots that seemed to draw him in like a magnet. Unfortunately for Phil, these shots always seemed to become his downfall in the most clutch moments. We all remember the horribly sliced tee shot on the 18th hole of the 2006 U.S Open (you know the one off of the tent). That shot was then followed by the inane decision to go for the green and subsequently was drilled right into a tree. It has been his transformation from then to now that has been the difference. He still has the best game in the world from 100 yards and in, and this past weekend his best friend was his putter. He controlled his emotions and made a late surge on the back nine on Sunday. This had to be the best stretch of golf he has ever played. To birdie 4 of the last 6 holes while seemingly everyone else on the course was faltering and misstepping and landing up against the walls of cross bunkers, was simply something to behold. The shot that will stick in my mind has to be Phil’s 2nd shot from the fairway on #17. The commentators had just finished saying that they doubted that Phil could get it home from 300 yards away, however Phil hit a perfect 3 wood and along with a fortuitous bounce and roll he found himself with a 40 foot eagle try. He proceeded to make a nice lag putt for a tap in birdie. With nerves of steel he stepped up to the tee at 18 and smacked the ball right down the middle of the fairway. From there he put the ball to about 10 feet on the 18th green. To ensure that this Major would not slip through his fingers, he put the final nail in the coffin and drilled the putt for a birdie. With a double fist pump above his head, he knew he had done it. He had just shot a 5 under 66, and was just a short wait away from winning at a venue that he never thought he could win. Even though all the doubters had started to write Lefty off, he is actually playing some of the best golf of his career (even with the heart wrenching runner-up finish at the U.S. Open this year).

All in all the round of golf that we all were privy to yesterday was a special one. It should go down as one of the best rounds of golf we will ever see. Phil has constantly been overshadowed by El Tigre his entire career, but people should appreciate the talent that is The Hefty Lefty. He is approaching top ten golfer of all-time status. Maybe Tiger and Phil can renew their old rivalry since clearly little Rory Mcilroy will be too busy visiting his shrink on Sundays. What do you think? Will Phil win the PGA Championship or will Tiger snap out of his major funk and add to his trophy case? Or is there someone else from the field you think will emerge?

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

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Hello and welcome to another edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you will find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!!

Mark my words: Everyone at the Open Championship needs to watch out for Tiger Woods.

I know I know, that’s a really hard prediction to make, but I’m making it because he has found a nice rhythm and he’s got the putter working (he doesn’t lose when he putts well).

That’s a scientific fact!

Anchorman anyone?

The MLB All-Star Game is the only one of the major sports that I look forward to not watching.

It can’t be an exhibition and mean something at the SAME TIME!!

The HomeRun Derby is still cool though.

Watching human beings (albeit human beings on massive amounts of growth hormones) hit baseballs 500 feet never gets old.

Yoenis Cespedes is a beast!!

For those of who didn’t watch the ESPY’S (like me), you need to check out Lebron James’ outfit:

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Umm excuse me Mr. usher, can you help me find my seat?

Whatever happened to the regular old black tux?

So little Johnny Manziel is getting drunk, getting arrested, and is in the process of ruining his future, it sounds like he’ll fit right in in the NFL.

But, whatever you do John, just remember that NOBODY CARES!!

A-Rod says he’ll be back on the Yankees on Monday, I want to believe him, I just don’t.

Oh you want a $25 million dollar contract?

But you don’t have any major injuries?

Oh no I’m sorry I can’t give you a contract unless at least one of your body parts is falling apart.

What’s that, you do have knees that are deteriorating, by all means then J.R. Smith, please sign right here.

Jaws must have been smoking that good stuff when he made is QB list because there is no way in hell that Matt Ryan is better than Drew Brees.

Lebron, Kobe, and Melo are not going to wind up on the same team.

That’s crazy, that would be like Iron Man, Thor, and The Hulk all teaming up to……..ahhh or maybe it could happen.

Does Kevin Garnett know that he’s going to have to coach the Nets while Jason Kidd is in jail??

I’d like to end on a serious note.

This year is the 20th anniversary of Jimmy V’s famous “Don’t give up, don’t ever give up” speech.

I’d just like to say that we should never take anything, anyone, or any day we have for granted because you never know when it’ll all be gone.

Cherish your lives every day, and appreciate the life that you have.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend everybody!!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

We Take The Good With The Very Bad

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Just when you think the New York Knicks are heading down the right path, they turn around and drive the wrong direction on a one way street. On the heels of good news comes devastating news. With a smart pickup comes a head scratching decision. There is simply not enough time in New York Knicks land to enjoy one of their managerial moves. For those of you who aren’t quite sure what I’m talking about, the Knicks have agreed to a 2-year deal with Metta World Peace (a deal worth $3.2 million and has a player option on the second year). At the same time the news of this signing broke, the horrifying news of J.R. Smith’s knee surgery hit “news stands”. All you twitter children out there are probably saying uhhh, what’s a news stand? Now I know it’s hard to figure out which is the good news and which is the bad, but rest assured I’ll clear it up for you.

Metta World Peace is a slight risk at all times, but if he plays the gritty physical defense we know he can then the reward will outweigh the risk. Personally, I like the signing because he brings to the floor exactly what the Knicks lack; psychotic tendencies. Even at the ripe ‘old’ age of 33, the artist formerly known as Ron Artest can still contribute at the defensive end. Now while I like the signing, World Peace is not the savior for the Knicks franchise (like some unrealistic and over zealous Knicks fans think). J.R. Smith is also not the Knicks savior, but he is an integral part of the Knicks game plan. And that is why it was horrifying to learn that just weeks after the ink dried on his 4-year, $24.7 million extension, Smith is currently laid up after patellar tendon surgery and arthroscopy on a torn meniscus. Such a surgery will require 3-4 months recovery time, and trust me Smith will never be the same again. Of all the absurdly stupid decisions the Knicks have made in the past, this is by far the most ridiculous. The Knicks claim to have known that Smith would need surgery for his chronic and gradually worsening injuries. ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?!?! Did the Knicks not learn anything from the Amar’e Stoudemire disaster? To answer my own question, obviously not! This is worse than the Amar’e Stoudemire deal by a landslide because even if Smith returns healthy and produces at a high level, you should learn from your mistakes. That is the first thing parents teach their children, but obviously Glen Grunwald’s parents nanny didn’t remember to teach him that one. Here’s a bit of advice for every president or general manager of a club thinking ofsigning a player with a chronic injury to a long term deal; DON’T DO IT! The Knicks are as poorly a run franchise that you’ll ever find. The end.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

One Liner Friday’s

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Hello everyone and welcome to another stellar edition of One Liner Friday’s. Here you can find the past week in sports wrapped up in one line and one line only. Enjoy!

I’d say Ron Metta Artest World Peace should say bye bye to LaLa Land, but clearly he has a permanent residence there.

Seriously though, the Knicks should sign him since he’s the gritty type of player they need.

As long as he promises not to eat anyone’s face than it will be a good pickup.

Why does everyone keep telling me how clean cut and ‘proper’ the Patriots franchise is?

The Patriots cornerback (Alfonzo Dennard) who was just arrested for the second time (for a DUI this time), was drafted by the Patriots just a week AFTER he was arrested for assaulting an officer.

What in the wild world of all things that are holy is Ilya Kovalchuk thinking?

This man just retired from the NHL at the age of 30 and left $77 million on the table (yeah I’m sure he won’t regret that move down the road).

Speaking of Russians, The Brooklyn Nets signed wild hair-do man Andrei Kirilenko to a 2 year $6 million contract.

It’s official, the Net’s are no longer “making splashes”, they’re flat out doing cannonballs in the middle of the pool.

By the way, The Nets Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov is obviously going to buy fellow Russian Andrei Kirilenko an extra special Christmas present this year considering he left about $7 million on the table in free agency.

I’m just saying.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are the next victims of the I think Andrew Bynum can play basketball movement.

Man, it’s going to be embarrassing when Major League Baseball tries to suspend players again, and they come back with a handful of lint, again.

I don’t care what his MRI says, The Yankees brought Derek Jeter back too early, again.

You heard it here first, Miguel Cabrera will win back to back Triple Crown’s this year.

Yasiel Puig not being an All-Star makes about as much sense as an Interstate Highway in Hawaii (they really have those).

Dwight Howard to the Rockets?

So he wants to continue NOT filling the shoes of the game’s all-time great centers?

Want the list?

You got it: Shaquille O’Neal, George Mikan, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and now Hakeem Olajuwon.

Yeah, that shouldn’t tarnish your already sterling legacy.

You all realize that Anderson Silva still believes he won that fight on Saturday night right?

How happy does it make you to watch someone so cocky and so full of themselves get knocked the bleep out?

If you haven’t seen it just click here:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OwDqz2P0YTw

Who knew you could be fat and still win Wimbledon?

Apparently, Marion Bartoli was the only person who possessed such knowledge.

Andy Murray wins his first Wimbledon and then proceeds to high five and hug like 85 people before forgetting to acknowledge his own mother.

Way to man up with those bulls Rex Ryan.

I’ve never seen Rex move that fast before, he looked like a cheetah chasing down his prey the way he skyrocketed up that fence.

Nice face Nick Swisher.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ai8D8WMREA

How about you do your job that you get paid millions for and trot down to first base there chief.

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Sir Andy Dubbed Wimbledon Champion

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On 7/7, Andy Murray ended a 77 year drought with his victory at Wimbledon. He became the first player from The United Kingdom to win Wimbledon in 77 years. Murray has come close before, losing in the championship match just 365 days prior. This year however, Murray was victorious by a score of 6-4, 7-5, 6-4. It was a straight set victory over Novak Djokovic that lasted just over 3 hours. Djokovic no doubt is a tough opponent, as this straight set win had the feel of a 5 set marathon. The final game of the match lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Djokovic fought off match point after match point, until finally, on his 5th championship point, Murray prevailed. Seconds after Djokovic put a backhand into the net, a roller-coaster of emotions ran through Andy Murray. He immediately turned to his coaching box and through his adrenaline felt excitement beyond his wildest dreams. He put his arms in the hair and clutched them with a powerful feeling that he came within inches of just a year earlier. He then turned and embraced Djokovic and congratulated him on a fine effort. From there it was a surreal moment that I’m sure even Murray can’t put into words. He fell to his knees and put his head in his hands on the grass. He had done it. He had reached the pinnacle of his tennis career, and all he could feel was pure elation. This certainly was a fine year for Mr. Murray. Since his loss at Wimbledon last year, Murray has won a Gold Medal, he was the runner-up to Djokovic at the Australian Open, and he won the U.S Open. I’d say it’s pretty good to be Andy Murray right now.

With Roger Federer starting his long overdue decline and Rafael Nadal constantly being injured, it seems like it has become the Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic show. For today though it is Andy’s world, and we’re all just living in it. Murray will head
into the U.S. Open as the defending champion and will look to improve on his already stellar year. Behind Murray’s vast improvement and breakthrough at Wimbledon has been one man; Ivan Lendl. Murray hired the former tennis great on New Year’s Eve of last year and since then has taken his game to the next level. The relationship between Lendl and Murray appears to be solid and should last slightly longer than that of Connors and Roddick (haha). How has Lendl helped Murray take his game to the next level you ask? Well, one thing Ivan Lendl will never be confused with is a circus clown. What I mean by that is Lendl is all business all the time. With Lendl there is no time for fun, there is only time for winning. He has helped Murray keep his emotions in check. See, it is easy with the talent of an Andy Murray to make it to the quarter finals or semi finals of Grand Slams consistently, but it is another thing to win multiple Slams. That aspect of championship tennis is strictly mental (and it is also has a little bit to do with your conditioning). What fans don’t always realize is how important the mental component is at the professional level. Lendl has apparently found a way to clearly illustrate this to Murray. The only question now is can Lendl and Murray have continued success as a coach-player tandem? It is also fair to ask if Murray will repeat as U.S. champion? Tell me what you think in the comment section below. Thanks!

If you enjoy my writing, follow me over to intheneutralzone.com where I am a contributing author there as well. Also you can follow me on twitter @DaveEttinger2 or like me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/DaveTalksSports. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!